- Hi, I'm Alicia Decker, co-founder of Mended Light
and I have a question for you.
Can you be traumatized and not know it?
- Probably.
- Yes, absolutely.
Hi, we see.
One more time for the people in the back.
Yes you can be traumatized and not know it.
Your lack of knowledge when it comes to understanding trauma
and how post-traumatic stress shows up in your body.
Your beliefs and behavior does not mean that it affects you
any less.
It might mean that the trauma affects you even more though.
- Can you teach me more?
(mellow music)
- Let me explain.
But before I do that,
Mended Light is all about healing from trauma
so you can feel safe, whole and worthy of love.
Thank you for joining us and remember to hit subscribe
and click the bell to be sure you don't miss a thing.
(bell dings)
Okay, back to what I was saying about trauma
and how it can affect you.
Let's say you break your arm.
You live in a culture that is familiar with broken arms
and you or the people around you, friends and family
know what to do.
They take you to the doctor, you get an X-ray,
the break is diagnosed and healing process is prescribed.
You get a cast so that the arm is not re-injured.
Without a cast, you could further damage the arm
and further injury could even affect your hand or shoulder
because your arm is connected to the rest of your body.
You wear it for a certain number of weeks.
When it's time, the protective cast is removed
and you are ready to start physical therapy exercises
to strengthen the muscles and to restore range of motion
to tendons and ligaments.
Within no time, you are feeling better, whole,
capable of doing the things you used to
because you have the proper care, time to heal and guidance.
It's important to note that it also took effort
and mindfulness on your part.
You had to do the physical therapy work
to regain your strength and mobility.
Nobody else could do that for you.
Okay, same scenario.
You break your arm, except this time the culture you live in
is not familiar with broken arms.
You or the people around you, friends and family
do not know what to do.
You don't go to the doctor, the break is not diagnosed
and there is no healing process to follow.
You go throughout the day wondering,
"what is wrong with me?
"Why am I in so much pain?
"I mean, I can't see anything that's wrong.
"Maybe it's all in my head."
You begin to question and doubt yourself.
It becomes painful to do everyday things.
So you stop doing them to minimize the suffering,
but the pain never truly goes away.
People you know and love knowingly bump or jostle you,
triggering pain that you don't understand
and are unable to explain.
So you might start isolating yourself to minimize the grief
but it never truly goes away.
Maybe you've tried to explain to friends and loved ones
even though you don't quite understand what is going on
and they downplay or minimize your experience.
"I mean, nothing looks broken."
Or maybe you've shared with loved ones
what you are experiencing and while they are kind
and supportive, they haven't ever experienced a broken arm
and they don't really understand what it's like
and they are at a complete loss on how to help you.
More often than not you just smile
and pretend through the pain, not sharing it with anyone.
You don't even really understand what's going on for you,
so how could you possibly explain it to someone else?
You find yourself creating unhealthy coping mechanisms
to get through the day but what options do you have?
The focus isn't on living your life
or developing your gifts,
the focus is on survival, managing the pain
and coping the best you can.
The arm never truly heals
because you do not have the proper care
along with time to heal and guidance.
You could not do the work to regain your strength
and mobility because you didn't know what you didn't know.
Trauma is much the same way.
Whether you are aware of it or not it affects you.
It affects who you are,
what you believe, how you behave and how your body feels.
If you do not have the proper care, time to heal
and guidance, you have no way to make sense
of what is going on for you
and you have no way to put in the work
that only you can do to regain your mental
and emotional strength.
I've actually experienced this in my life.
When I was in my late teens I experienced a sexual trauma.
Of course at the time I didn't understand
that that's what it was, a sexual trauma.
Instead, I felt some combination of self doubt,
regret and blame.
I felt that somehow that trauma was my fault.
I didn't feel I had a safe person in my life
that I could talk to.
And shame is a powerful motivator to keep things hidden.
Shortly after that, I developed an eating disorder,
which I didn't know at the time
was a common post-traumatic symptom of sexual trauma.
That coping mechanism along with a few others
is what helped me realize years later
that I had experienced a trauma
and I had textbook symptoms of PTSD.
All at once, I experienced a flood of understanding,
empathy and acceptance for myself.
I wasn't wrong, bad or shameful,
I was coping the best way I knew how
with a trauma I did not cognitively know
at the time I had experienced.
My body and my nervous system knew that it was a trauma
and responded accordingly to keep me safe.
If you've experienced trauma
and are working through your healing journey,
be sure to check out our video,
What is Your Body's Natural Reaction to Trauma.
And will you do me a favor,
if this video has been helpful for you,
will you share it with those you know and love
that are experiencing these same challenges.
Also subscribe and click the bell
so you don't miss any Mended Light goodness.
Just because no one else can heal
or do your inner work for you,
doesn't mean you can, should or need to do it alone.
You have a community and a place to belong
with Mended Light.
Remember to keep shining, we need your light.
And check out the next video.
(soft music)