TONIGHT, PRESIDENT TRUMP SPOKE AT A RALLY IN SUNRISE, FLORIDA.
AS YOU MAY KNOW, DONALD TRUMP RECENTLY CHANGED HIS OFFICIAL
RESIDENCE FROM NEW YORK TO FLORIDA, AND THIS RALLY WAS
PLANNED BY HIS CAMPAIGN TO FORMALLY WELCOME HIM TO THE
STATE.
BECAUSE IF THERE'S ONE THING TRUMP AND HIS SUPPORTERS STAND
FOR, IT'S MAKING NEWCOMERS FEEL WELCOME.
( LAUGHTER ) ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
TRUMP'S DOING HIS BEST TO FIT IN WITH THE OTHER OLD PEOPLE LIVING
IN FLORIDA.
HE'S EVEN ORDERED HIS MOTORCADE TO LEAVE THE LEFT TURN SIGNALS
ON AT ALL TIMES.
( LAUGHTER ) THIS IS TRUMP'S FIFTH RALLY
SINCE THE BEGINNING OF NOVEMBER.
AT THIS POINT, TRUMP THROWS MORE EVENTS FOR HIMSELF THAN A
23-YEAR-OLD INFLUENCER CELEBRATING THEIR "BIRTHDAY
MONTH."
( LAUGHTER ) ( APPLAUSE )
BUT, EARLIER TODAY, HE WAS AT THE WHITE HOUSE, WHERE YOUR
COUNTRY'S STUPIDEST TRADITION TOOK PLACE ONCE AGAIN.
THIS MORNING, YOUR PRESIDENT WAS BUSY DOING THIS:
>> I HEREBY GRANT YOU A FULL AND COMPLETE PARDON.
( LAUGHTER ) >> James: TO BE CLEAR,
THIS ISN'T A TRUMP THING.
IT WAS DUMB WHEN OBAMA DID IT TOO.
BY THE WAY, THE PRESIDENT PARDONED TWO TURKEYS, NAMED
BREAD AND BUTTER.
HERE THEY ARE THE NIGHT BEFORE, STAYING IN AN ACTUAL HOTEL.
LOOK AT THEM.
( LAUGHTER ) MAKES SENSE TRUMP WOULD PARDON
THE TWO WHITEST TURKEYS ON THE PLANET.
( LAUGHTER ) ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
ONE THING IS FOR SURE, THOSE TURKEYS AREN'T FROM LOS ANGELES.
( LAUGHTER ) INSTEAD OF BREAD AND BUTTER,
THEY'D BE NAMED JUICE AND CLEANSE.
LAUGH BUT TRUMP GOT A LITTLE CARRIED
AWAY.
AFTER GIVING PARDONS TO TWO THINGS WITH A LOOSE, WOBBLY
NECK, HE ALSO PARDONED SENATOR MITCH MCCONNELL.
( LAUGHTER ) ( APPLAUSE )
IN OTHER NEWS, HERE'S A CRAZY STORY FROM PENNSYLVANIA.
A BROTHER AND SISTER WERE RECENTLY ARRESTED FOR FIGHTING
OVER WHO WOULD RIDE IN THE PASSENGER SEAT.
RIGHT?
NOW FOLLOW ME HERE: THE SISTER WAS ANGRY BECAUSE
HER OLDER BROTHER LET HIS GIRLFRIEND SIT SHOTGUN IN THE
CAR INSTEAD OF HER.
THEY BEGAN FIGHTING IN THE CAR, IT LED TO A POLICE CHASE, AND
THE SISTER EVENTUALLY ATTACKED A COP AFTER THE COP THREW HER
BROTHER ON THE GROUND.
THEN THEY BOTH ENDED UP IN JAIL.
( LAUGHTER ) SO, THINK ABOUT THIS STORY
DURING THANKSGIVING DINNER.
YES, THERE ARE WORSE FAMILIES THAN YOURS.
( LAUGHTER ) ( APPLAUSE )
I MEAN, IT DOES MAKE SENSE, IN A WAY.
THE HOLIDAYS ARE ALL ABOUT SPENDING TIME WITH LOVED ONES--
WHETHER THAT MEANS AROUND THE FIREPLACE OR IN A HOLDING CELL.
( LAUGHTER ) THE INCIDENT TOOK PLACE BETWEEN
A BROTHER AND SISTER IN RURAL PENNSYLVANIA, SO YOU KNOW WHAT
THIS MEANS.
THE MAKE-UP SEX IS GOING TO BE GREAT.
( AUDIENCE REACTS ) ( LAUGHTER )
( APPLAUSE ) IT'S JUST A JOKE!
AND, FINALLY, THE MASSACHUSETTS STATE POLICE HAVE A NEW
CRIME-FIGHTING TOOL AT THEIR DISPOSAL.
IT'S A ROBOT DOG NAMED SPOT WHICH CAN BE USED IN SITUATIONS
THAT WOULD BE UNSAFE FOR POLICE OFFICERS.
HERE IT IS IN ACTION HERE, LOOK AT THIS:
IT'S THE FIRST POLICE ROBOT IN THE COUNTRY.
LOOK AT THAT THING!
IT'S ABSOLUTELY TERRIFYING.
( LAUGHTER ) YOU KNOW WHAT?
I DIDN'T EVEN DO ANYTHING AND I SURRENDER.
( LAUGHTER ) ACCORDING TO THE MANUFACTURERS,
THE ROBOT CAN ALSO SERVE AS A THERAPY DOG.
BECAUSE ONCE YOU SEE IT, YOU'RE GOING TO NEED THERAPY.
( LAUGHTER ) BUT IT'S NOT PERFECT YET, THERE
ARE STILL SOME GLITCHES.
THEY HAD TO REPROGRAM THE ROBOT DOG AFTER IT KEPT DOING THIS:
( LAUGHTER ) ( APPLAUSE )