- I like special effects just as much
as the next virgin, but King Vader, he takes it too far.
I can't even get through breakfast.
He literally takes it away!
(magical whooshing)
Come on, dude!
You know I can't shit without my fiber!
I'm gonna be backed up for weeks!
(dramatic music)
- Yeah, his special effects are annoying
and they always screw up my hair.
But I tolerate it because King Vader has a huge following.
- It's gotten to a point where he'll pick a fight just
to have an excuse to use some special effects.
- Hey bro, did you get my coffee?
- What, no?
Fool, you don't even drink coffee.
- Well maybe I wanna start! (screaming)
This stuff sucks.
- He's completely lost touch with reality.
If King Vader doesn't quit the effects,
somebody's gonna get hurt for real.
You can't just re-render somebody's life!
(dramatic music)
- Hmm, looks like I have no other choice
but to take you out.
(dramatic music, crackling, whooshing)
- Come on, cut it out!
What are we doing?
Get rid of this purple shit!
- Okay, relax!
What's the big deal, man?
- Ugh, I just got a blowout.
You couldn't have waited 15 minutes!
You know your mom hated that special effects crap.
- That's why I never did special effects in front of her
until after she died.
- Well I got news for you.
This isn't just a wake for our dead mom.
It's an intervention for you!
- You're using our dead mom to corner me
about my dope special effects?
That's low, okay, that's real low.
- Can't you understand that you can't just throw fireballs
around in an Olive Garden?
- The food is burnt already!
Okay, they don't care, damn!
(baby crying)
- Great, happy now?
You like that sound?
Are you gonna rock him back to sleep?
Didn't think so.
- We thought mom's funeral would be the one time
we can get you to put your guard down.
But here you are in this ridiculous outfit!
- What you talking 'bout?
This is my nicest suit!
- It looks like a yakuza costume from Party City!
- Because it is.
- Just face it, you are incapable of living in reality.
(sighs, magical ringing)
- Don't you dare teleport to the mirror realm
or you'll be losing two women today!
- What, no, I wasn't!
I was just closing my eyes and praying.
- Nice, to which Marvel god?
- Tharamus.
- You see?
You're at your mom's funeral.
You should be praying to mom's god,
Jesus Christ, our lord and savior!
- I mean that's not necessarily reality either.
- Oh no you didn't. - Don't wanna start on God.
- Look, without VFX, life is boring!
- Some experiences are meant to be boring,
like eating Chipotle or all of Brian's parties!
- What the hell?
- You had Halsey for like the entire playlist!
Like Halsey?
Come on! - One song!
- It was three songs! - Halsey tres.
- This is about him; stick to the topic.
- Hey, hey, hey, hey!
Don't make Brian feel like shit
because his sorry-ass playlist.
Brian, let's fight them. (bright music)
- No!
Not everything needs to be some special effects battle!
Some things can just be talked out, man to man.
- Oh, okay, uh-huh, (grunts, bright music)
- No, stop; take the fancy eyeballs away, all right, please?
- Damn, without the effects, I'm just
in a boring room with a dead mom
and a boring girlfriend who's a six!
- What?
- Sorry, babe, I'm just proving that I understand reality.
- I'm like an eight! (dramatic music)
- Listen, it's good to process your emotions
and understand that parents die and girlfriends are average.
- [Nicole] Come on dude!
- Come on, man.
It's what mom would have wanted.
Do it for her!
(dramatic music)
- I can't.
(shouting) I can't!
- (slowed down) No!
(slowed down yelling, buzzing)
(explosion)
- Is it over?
- Zombie! (high-pitched screaming)
- No!
- [Chris] Dude, mom wasn't actually dead!
- What?
- Oh my god, we faked her death
so you would accept mortality and embrace the human world!
- (shouting) That doesn't even make sense!
- You killed mom!
- You gotta special effect to make this kid shut up, huh?
(baby crying, dramatic music)
- After I killed my own mother,
I realized I have to give up visual effects.
So now I use Snapchat filters to get my fix.
They're like the nicotine gum of special effects.
(sad instrumental music)