Duke: Stop putting girls on pedestals! Stop it! Stop it! Stop!
Have you ever met a woman and she just
took over your brain. She's amazing and beautiful
in all the ways that you wish you could find somebody.
You've never found anybody like her. You barely even know her.
But oh my god, she's amazing.
And you're saying: "Duke, what do you mean don't put her on a pedestal?
She's special. She-she's the one! I've
never met anybody like her.
She's totally awesome. I think she deserves this,
because she's the one!" - Stop it!
Don't put girls on a pedestal because
it never f*****g works. Ever. In the history of mankind
it never works. I'm Duke Delaet from The Attractive Man, and I'm
here to tell you, if you've got an unhealthy obsession with a woman
who barely knows you but you're constantly thinking
about her, I'm going to give you four tips on this video
to get over her so you can go on living the rest of your life
and maybe make something of it. Make sure to stay till the end of the video
because at the end I'm going to give you some practical ways
to deal with these four tips in your life.
-Intro sequence-
Duke: Now you probably heard the term "putting women on a pedestal."
That's our tendency to notice all of her good qualities
or even project the qualities on to her, and
not see any of her negative ones. Now seeing people
in an optimistic light is a total good thing.
Its good to see the best in people. However,
the problem comes when we project our fantasies
on to her and expect her to act like that
all the time. Or, if we see only the best part
and expect her to be that way all the time, and never
see the normal things like mood swings,
having bad moods, having horrible things happen.
You know, making mistakes like normal humans do.
The problem with this mode of thinking is that who she actually is
is not matching up with your projected fantasy
of who she is.
And that's always a recipe for disappointment. Guys,
if you think this way, follow the two camps. One, they either
don't have an abundance of mentality, they're not used to getting a lot of girls.
Or two, they don't have a lot of experience
in the area so they don't know what to expect.
Before I learned all these stuff, I used to think like this all the time.
I met this girl back in the day, and she was awesome.
I went to the nightclub, I grabbed her hand, we introduced
each other, we ended up in the dance floor,
we shared all this time together and then we made out,
and it was beautiful and amazing, and I saw stars.
Awesome...
But. It didn't work out. Because
what I had originally thought she was, I had
been projecting all of it. My ideal partner.
I've been expecting her to act like that and I was
not seeing the signs that she was actually a human being
and had her own life going on.
So rather than engaging with her and trying to find out who
she actually was, I expected her to act the way
the that my ideal partner would act
so that it would just set away all of my insecurities
and do everything that I wanted
and obviously, that blew up in my face.
Like really bad. Like blew up in my face.
You guys know what I'm talking about? When you met a girl
she just took over and you don't actually
know who she is. You haven't taken the time to figure out
who she is and so she's disappointing your expectations.
Okay, so lets go over a couple of ways to stop
obsessing over this chick so
you can actually move on with your life
and have the possibility of enganging her as an actual human being.
Step 1: Knock her off her pedestal by flipping the script.
We men walk around
asking for too much permission to do stuff.
We're not actually assertive or dominant
in our decision making and we just wait
for people to give us permission for stuff.
You've got to remember, man. You're awesome, you are
a prize. A prize to be won. And
here's the deal - you're going to walk into that interaction
if you believe in the quality of men and women
"down with the patriarchy" and everything, then you, my friend,
must believe that you are her equal.
So when she rolls in, you can't be like "Oh!
you are so up here, and you are angelic, and you have no problem."
You're giving away all your power. That's silly.
It doesn't even make sense, and it never works.
So flip the script. You're like - Look, I am the prize
to be won, I am awesome, look at
these things that I have and how you would want to get to know me,
and expect her to want to pursue you
because in reality that's what happens
when you're not being an insecure weirdo.
When you show all these weak ass behaviors, she will
turn off in her brain any
attraction that she had for you, unless its pity,
she'll turn off. And she'll be like "Oh, well I guess
he wasn't as cool as I thought he was."
And then she'll be just nice for the rest of the conversation..
BAM.
Friend zone. You did it to yourself.
If you're still with me, if you haven't subscribed,
subscribe right now, and click
the little bell so you don't miss anything! Step 2:
Every hero has a quest and every man has a mission.
Find your mission. Something beyond
women and dating, okay? Something
that you're going to go change the world with.
Make it your master quest, and then commit
to yourself. Crush it! As you move along your path your
ambition comes up and you start moving forward, you're just knocking down goals and you're confidence
and your self worth is going to come up. Regardless of
how the women are responding in our life its going to come up and make you
a confident human being. It's going to bleed
out, its going to show through to every body around
you and be super obvious that you're awesome.
When you do this you're going to become instantly
much more attractive, and you'll stop doing
that weird obsessing behavior
and operating from a scarcity mentality. Step 3:
Become self reliant and take responsibility for your emotions. First
off, you've got to be responsible for your emotions.
The things that go off in your head, that come from your heart,
making you do things, that's false-ness.
You choose your behavior. Most guys get behind
the fact that their past, their childhood,
is no longer affecting what they choose to do now.
Things that happen outside their environment
having an external locus of control, is not
affecting how they choose to respond. But
a lot of guys will drop the ball when it comes to
their internal emotions, you have these things
that come up from the inside and you react to them
as if they were law, as if they were real. But
they are not. Your behavior is just as controllable
from the stimulus of your internal emotional system as
it is from any external stimulus. Master
your own emotions. When things come up to you, you should think to yourself
"Am I going to act like a strong ambitious guys, or
am I going to act like somebody who's at the
mercy of his own feelings?" I'm not
saying don't be emotional. But I'm saying make a choice
on how you respond when your emotions come up.
On a second sub-point of this thing is that you should be able to help manage
other people's emotions. Now you can't
control other people's minds, other people's emotions. However,
you can be constantly aware of how she's feeling so that
when she feels uncomfortable, when she feels unsafe, she feels happy,
she feels excited that you were able to note that
and be able to communicate in a much
more effective way. This will make people a lot
happier to be around you, and it will
make you a much more effective communicator. Step 4:
Qualify her to be in your life. When you go out and you're like -
projecting your ideal partner, on
every girl that you meet.
And just because she's cute or just because the way she smiles
tips you off somehow, she's not going to live up to it
and it's always going to fail. It's gonna fail. It will fail. Every time.
Rather than do that, make sure you know
what your ideal partner's qualities are, and
then when you talk to her, you're going to have a conversation about
the qualities that you'd like to have in a woman.
That way, when you throw them out there she can respond
"You know, that's really not me, that's really stupid.
I don't know why any guy would expect that." Then you realize
that she's not the one, and its very easy not to be
obsessed over girls who verbally shoot down
your qualifications. This will do a couple of things,
One, it will X out girls that are super incompatible right away.
And two, it will get you focused on
looking for those qualities, so that when you meet
somebody who actually has them, you know when to jump.
And you're not being oblivious to what's going on
in your world. The over arching concept of all this
is to replace your myopic fantasies
with reality. Actually interact with her.
Actually talk to her, actually
give her your standards and qualifications and see
what she brings back. Expect her to deal with
you as a high status, high
value ranking male, and don't expect you to
just give away straps because
uhhh.. she's so perfect. Sillyness.
Armed with a clear understanding of your own standards,
you'll be able to walk around the world looking for the things that you
want in people, and being aware
you can almost be intuitive whether or not people have
these things. And then, you can start to
evaluate rather than project
your standards onto people. That will give you a much
better time interacting with humans as humans
and a much more likely shot of
getting her to respond actually
and authentically to you. Okay, so some of you guys are thinking
"Okay Duke its really good to
be able to give my standards out to girls and
have that whole conversation, and be the prize and everything, but
I don't even know what to say to start the conversation.
I don't know what to say?" Well, you're in luck.
Because Matt made a six-step
Conversational Cheat Sheet in the link below,
go there now if you don't want to put girls on pedestals anymore.
And he goes through two of the common mistakes
guys make in field and how to stop
doing them and he gives you a bunch of games and
flirty things to create a new vibe.
That makes women much more attracted to you.
Than putting her on a pedestal.
Take these tips, stop obsessing,
I'm Duke Delaet from The Attractive Man team, and I'll see you in the next video.