Hello internet - and welcome back to the most inquisitive channel on YouTube - Life’s
Biggest Questions - the place where we incorrectly label an object class, clock out for the weekend
- and wake up on Monday morning to a strange new world.
Today - as always, I’ll be your host Jack Finch - as we slowly peel back another layer
of the mysterious SCP Foundation - try and make out that we’re not somehow affiliated
- and sew the seeds of discord and distraction - as we ask the euphorically induced question,
What If SCP-999 Was Real?
Roll the clip.
If they can handle it.
What would our species do if there was a substance that induced pure elation, so powerful - that
it could bring someone from the brink of suicide to complete and utter joy?
What would the world be like if we had access to unbridled, unfiltered happiness?
Would it be a good thing?
… Would we really be - happy?
Well let me introduce you to SCP-999.
Before we jump into that one though guys, let’s clear up some house rules first things
first - if you’re a fan of this video, the SCP Foundation or just LBQ in general - then
go ahead and give it a thumbs up, and share it on to your nearest and dearest amorphous
orange friend.
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Let’s begin.
SCP-999 is one of the few skips rendered as a safe object class.
In short - it appears to be a large, amorphous, gelatinous mass of translucent orange slime
- with, strangely enough, the consistency of peanut butter.
Sounds great right?
I love peanut butter.
Well if you think that’s good - then things are about to get better.
999’s composition is oil-based, but consists of a substance completely unknown to modern
science.
As well, other than a thin - transparent membrane surrounding the orange jelly boy - the subject,
despite close inspection, appears to have no other organs to speak of.
If Flubber was orange and had any other redeeming qualities - this guy would be it.
The subjects temperament is often best described as playful and dog like - and reacts to any
sentient interaction with complete and utter overwhelming elation.
On approach, it will gloop over to the nearest person - and begin to frantically hug them
with a pair of pseudopods - all the while emitting incredibly cute, high pitched cooing
noises and gleefully nuzzling at their face.
If that’s not joy-inducing enough - SCP-999 is reported to emit a specific pleasing odor
that differs depending on whoever it interacts with.
Recorded scents have included chocolate, fresh laundry, bacon, roses and Play-Doh - and has
been also noted to expel odors that evoke a childlike nostalgia with the recipient.
This is where the mechanics of SCP-999 become a little too good to be true, what would we
do to deserve such a weird ball of complete and utter joy?
Simply touching 999’s surface causes an immediate euphoria - intensifying the longer
one is exposed to its presence and having a prolonged effect long after separation from
the creature.
While the creature will seemingly interact with anyone - it appears to have a special
interest in those that are unhappy or hurt in any way.
There are several instances where people suffering from crippling depression have returned with
a completely positive outlook on life after interacting with SCP-999 - so much so, that
the foundation have even considered the possibility of marketing the creatures slime as an antidepressant.
And then we get to the crux of our question - the implications of how humanity would respond
to such an overwhelmingly positive bundle of joy - and mankind's propensity towards
exploitation.
Uh, how could we do this to such a beautiful, amazing creature?
Let’s consider Scenario: Joy.
A hypothetical scenario where SCP-999’s slime has been extracted from its membrane
during an experimental procedure, with the intention of extrapolating the same genetic
material and replicating it en masse.
Our first point is an ethical point - will the creature be in pain when a part of it
is removed?
SCP-999 has already demonstrated an unconditional love for all animals - especially humans - refusing
to eat any form of meat and even going so far as to risk its own life to save others.
So in that case - from a psychological perspective - how could we go ahead with the knowledge
that SCP-999 was suffering?
From here - we see Scenario: Joy split into two paths - one where we knowingly go ahead
with harming SCP-999, despite our knowledge of its suffering - and one where the creature
feels no pain at all and is completely fine with giving a part of itself for the benefit
of humanity.
In the latter case - we’re all good to go, and the planet will rapidly become a much
more peaceful, utopian place - thanks to the Joy and bottled elation gifted to us from
the benevolent SCP-999.
We’d be under the influence of a golden age of humanity - we’d finally put aside
our differences, disarm the planets nuclear arsenal - and work together for the benefit
of the species.
Or would we?
Put a pin in that one, because that’s a pretty gigantic subject.
The former though, where we know that SCP-999 is in pain but we go ahead anyway - is a much
more stark reality, and a lot closer to the bone than we would realise.
What if SCP-999 was essentially, a finite resource - and the more we took from it, the
less joy it would be able to expend.
As demand increased for Joy - the more genetic material we’d have to take from the creature,
eventually depleting it to a smaller, less euphoric version of itself.
Or say that the more we exploited 999 - the more its initial design would change.
Imagine a lifeless, amorphous beige glob of goo laboriously rolling around the floor - a
shell of its former self.
Would we be okay with that?
And what if the creatures intention turned.
If it has the capacity to emanate pure joy - perhaps it also has the capacity to emanate
pure hatred and sorrow?
Perhaps as punishment for exploiting the creature, instead of living in a utopia - it’d punish
us by corrupting itself straight from the source - and instead of the distribution of
pure Joy - we’d be shipping bottles of hatred en masse across the planet like a jacked up
version of Red Bull - only this doesn’t give you wings, it gives you deep, dark, crippling
depression.
And then we’re right back to where we started, only much worse off - and no lessons learned.
Humanity 101, right?
Anyway - unfortunately that’s all we’ve got time for today, guys.
What do you think would happen if SCP-999 was real?
Leave your thoughts in the comment box down below.
If you’ve enjoyed this video - go ahead and give it a thumbs up - and to continue
on with your questioning binge, feel free to hit the playlist floating shortly above.
As always, you’ve been watching Life’s Biggest Questions - I’ve been your host
Jack Finch - and until next time, remember, there’s no such thing as a stupid question.