Hey guys!
So I'm currently at home.
It's so nice because my mom is here to cut up fruit for me.
I've been eating a mango, relaxing … Just kidding.
I've wanted to share about my latest obsessions
and the movement that I'm so proud and happy that it's happening.
It's the wave of Asian Americans in media –
not just Asian Americans, just westernized Asians, I guess you could say.
Crazy Rich Asians is my new favorite movie.
Another favorite movie is To All the Boys I've Loved Before.
That's on Netflix, so anyone who has Netflix can watch that movie.
Crazy Rich Asians in showing in the US.
I think if you're outside of the US, you might have to wait a little bit for it to come out.
But I'm just so excited about it.
Honestly guys, the past weekend, the past three days I've been binging
all of the YouTube videos of the cast members, their interviews,
to the point where I've seen them say the same things over and over again,
and yet I stay just to hear that one new thing that they might say, and then that delights me.
But it's just such a proud moment for me.
Let me rewind.
I grew up in a suburb outside of LA that was very, very Asian.
And I know different Asian Americans have different experiences growing up,
because my cousins had a completely experience growing up in a Latino community.
I would say that I'm "more Asian" in the Asian American spectrum
because I grew up with so many Asians, I grew up still eating Asian food, speaking Chinese.
Growing up, my school was like 80% Asian, so I felt very comfortable in my community,
and it wasn't until college or afterwards that I really realized that
we really live in a bubble that is Asian, because the outside world is not like that.
Of course I've had my moments of being ashamed of being Chinese,
my moments of dealing with racism from people,
or even passive-aggressive or indirect racism, which is the worst because you can't exactly fight back.
You're kind of like, "Did you mean that or did you not?"
And growing up, I did get opportunities to visit China.
And very quickly, I learned that I was in this middle between two cultures.
When I was in China, I was not Chinese.
I was American.
I was too westernized.
My Chinese isn't that great.
And I just looked different!
I looked dark.
When I was young, I was more tan, and I was an outsider.
But in America, I've always felt like an outsider from the mainstream culture.
Even in my community where I grew up, there were a lot of kids who looked like me.
But when I watched TV, I watched Disney Channel, Nickelodeon.
It was hard to find anyone that looked like me, watching movies.
I guess I didn't realize the power and the impact of that,
until I saw Crazy Rich Asians and To All the Boys I've Loved Before.
When I watched those films, I get extra emotional,
not just because the films are actually good and it's a great story and everything.
But just to see someone Asian on screen, playing the lead role,
someone who's a love interest, someone who's cool, has a personality.
Oh my gosh, it was crazy.
Actually, I cried more in the movie To All the Boys I've Loved Before.
I cried so much, because it was the first time I've seen the Asian girl be the girl that the boys like,
and the Asian girl who's that main character that I always wanted to be.
Growing up, I remember watching A Walk to Remember.
I wanted to be Mandy Moore.
I mean, yes, she has leukemia, whatever, but you know what I mean:
having that boy in high school like you, even though you're a shy girl.
I so related to that movie.
Also, you guys probably know that, before I started Lavendaire,
I was trying to make it in entertainment as an actor, a host, a musician.
I was trying to do it all and seeing whatever would click.
And I really think that, deep down, it was almost that barrier –
I did believe that I would never be the star of the movie.
I did believe that I would never be the lead,
and I really didn't see examples of how farI could go just because of the color of my skin,
which is really sad because I've always believed in myself, I gave it a try.
But I mean, it's not the only reason that I stopped and started YouTube, but it was part of the reason.
It was because I didn't know that it was a real career if I were to pursue it.
And I knew that there were other Asian Americans working at it, but I saw how hard they were working.
Someone could be working at entertainment for 20 years and still not have made it, you know?
So there was no guarantee at all.
The chances were really, really slim.
But now, seeing movies like Crazy Rich Asians,
To All the Boys I've Loved Before, I feel like,
"Oh my god. Finally is the time that Asian Americans are allowed to be onscreen in mainstream media."
I really hope that this is the beginning that opens more doors,
because younger girls out there who want to perform, they won't have that racist thought like,
"Oh my god, I want to do this but I can't because I'm Asian."
I think if you look at it that way, back then when I was pursuing entertainment,
of course I was involved in YouTube, I saw what was happening on YouTube.
I just saw that there was more success.
There was more probability for success for Asians on YouTube.
I mean you guys know, there's a lot of Asians on YouTube because YouTube has no barrier to entry.
And if you work at it and if you have a great personality, great skills, great style, whatever,
then you can make it, which is why I started my YouTube channel and we are here, where we are.
I really do think that if I was still hustling at hosting, acting, or music,
I wouldn't have gotten this far as I have with YouTube which is saying something, right?
It's saying that being Asian is really part of that difficulty of making it in that industry.
But I don't know, I guess watching those movies, this whole wave, it's re-inspired me.
It's showed me that I can still do it if I want to.
Just because I'm Asian doesn't mean I'm not allowed to be in movies
and I'm not allowed to be on TV or I'm not allowed to be an artist and make music.
It's so cool, and I get emotional talking about it.
But it really is so cool.
Let's take a mango break, shall we?
Let me also put it out there that it's not just all of a sudden this is like an Asian wave happening.
I feel like there's a lot of people's work for the past 20 or more years that I don't want to go unnoticed.
The Asian American community has been trying to create content,
trying to get into mainstream media for a long time.
It's just been very hard to break through.
But we have created content in our own communities.
I mean, I've been a huge fan of Wong Fu since I was in high school,
throughout college, that whole Asian YouTube scene, I was so into.
There's a lot of indie movies starring Asian Americans:
Better Luck Tomorrow, Gook is a recent one.
Just know that people have been trying.
Even myself, when I graduated, I worked for 626 Night Market
which is the largest Asian food festival in the US.
And I produced a film, The Night Market, with an Asian cast in it.
I got together with some of my friends and we produced Picture Taipei,
a story about an LA girl going to Taiwan, just trying to tell that story of our generation.
So it's just cool to see it happening now on a big scale and I'm excited for more.
Another thing that I'm really excited to hear is the soundtrack of Crazy Rich Asians.
I love the soundtrack.
It's amazing.
There are a few songs there – There's actually three artists on that soundtrack that went to USC.
I mean the first one is Kina Grannis, but I mean everyone knows Kina Grannis.
But there are two other ones.
One is the song Yellow by Katherine Ho, and the other one is Money by Cheryl K.
And I looked up these people because I got obsessive, I tell you.
I was researching real deep into this whole production.
And I found out that Katherine Ho was a freshman, she is a freshman at USC right now.
And I watched her videos.
She has YouTube singing videos with her playing piano and singing.
And when I saw that, a little part of me was like [gasp].
It literally reminded me of me.
When I was a freshman at USC, I was posting those YouTube singing videos.
And the fact that she's Chinese – I'm Chinese –
seeing her, I'm like, "She looks like me. She is me."
I feel so close and connected with her and the fact that she got to be on a soundtrack
in a major studio Warner Brothers production, that's crazy
because it shows me that that's a possibility now, where that was never a possibility before.
Same thing with Cheryl K.
She's also a USC grad, recently graduated,
and she was part of this show called the KASA Culture Show, APASA's Got Talent.
These are the Asian American, Chinese American productions that we put on at USC.
When I was at USC, I was the lead in that musical of those productions.
I just feel so connected to these two girls because we literally went through the same thing.
They don't know who I am, but me looking at them, I feel like that was me eight years ago.
I know, I'm an old hag.
Just kidding.
It just goes to show that, when I was their age, college and after college, I was trying.
I was doing exactly what they were doing, making music, posting them online, whatever.
But the time had not come, time for Asian Americans had not come then, and the time has come now.
I'm so cheesy, I want to cry.
But I'm happy and I'm so proud, and I'm just grateful that these younger generation women get that opportunity.
It means a lot to me.
Okay, mango break again.
I guess I was always a big dreamer.
I've always loved to perform, and I love the idea of working in entertainment.
And it really was the reality of that race barrier thing that I've known my whole life, growing up.
And just to see that things are starting to change is really, really encouraging.
And it's not over yet for me.
I still love YouTube.
I'm not saying I'm trying to quit or anything.
People who watched my last video were like, "Are you leaving?"
I'm not leaving.
I'm still going to make videos,
but I can't deny that I have so much passion for things like music
and just telling stories in other ways, just being creative as an artist in all mediums.
So now, I have the financial stability to be able to go after different projects
and try out other things that I'm interested in which is really fun.
I've just finished writing a song yesterday, and I haven't written a song the whole year,
so I'm happy about that.
I'm going to try writing more, and I'll share that journey with you guys as well.
Also, I'm actually taking my mom to watch Crazy Rich Asians tonight
which is why I stayed home for a couple days because I'm gonna take her with my cousin and my two aunts.
That's going to be so much fun.
It's so cool to be able to share in a movie that she will be able to relate to on her end
and I can relate to on my end, so I'm excited for that.
I guess that's all I wanted to share, how I feel.
Love you all so much.
I'm so grateful to have you guys on this journey with me.
Oh also: news!
I finished designing the Artist of Life Workbook.
I finished the design for a new daily planner that I'm releasing,
so there's going to be exciting stuff coming up.
I'm probably going to launch it November 1st, around that time.
Alright, bye!