-Our next guest is
a comedy legend who has
influenced generations of comedians.
You could see her at the Throckmorton Theatre
in Mill Valley, California, February 14th.
Making her 10th appearance on "The Tonight Show,"
please welcome the very funny...
[ Cheering and applause ]
♪♪
[ Whistling ] Thank you. Thank you!
Thank you so much.
Thank you very much. Thank you. So,
I guess you noticed that I have gray hair.
[ Laughter ] Yes. And I like it.
I really love it. It's very low-maintenance.
Plus, I've noticed that I get a lot more looks from guys
now that my hair is gray.
[ Laughter and cheering ] Yes.
And I think I know why.
I think it's because they think
I can't get pregnant.
[ Laughter and applause ]
Guys like that.
Yeah.
Yeah. I'm not afraid to tell you how old I am,
but I'm going to give you a clue.
I actually said this to my friends.
I was at my friend's apartment
and I actually said to her, out loud,
"Boy, that's a nice pill caddy."
[ Laughter and applause ]
That's how old I am, yes.
I had to get a new pill caddy recently
because my doctor gave me a new prescription
and I'm on so much medication that I couldn't jam
one more pill into the compartment.
[ Laughter ] So, I had to go to CVS,
to the pill caddies and prosthetics aisle.
[ Laughter ]
And I don't know if you've shopped for this,
but there's a whole hierarchy of pill caddies.
[ Laughter ] You start with your entry level pill caddy.
It's the single-compartment pill caddy.
Then you move into the AM/PM pill caddy.
[ Laughter ]
Then the AM/noon/evening pill caddy.
[ Laughter ] Then the AM/noon/evening/bedtime pill caddy.
[ Laughter ] Then, basically, you have to hire a caddy
to hand you your pills all day
[indistinct].
[ Laughter and applause ]
[ Cheering ]
Okay. Okay. Alright.
Here's how old I am, Really, here's how old I am.
I was walking my dog and we're at the end of the block
and there was this kid, about 11 years old,
and he's riding his skateboard
and he's talking to his friend on his speakerphone.
And he says to his friend,
"I'm on the corner of 18th and Oak."
And I hear his friend say, through the phone to him,
"Are you near that old lady with the dog?"
[ Laughter ]
And I said, "I'm not an old lady!
I'm not an old lady!"
Nobody's listening to me, by the way. I'm just screaming.
[ Laughter ] "I'm not an old lady!
[ Applause ] Thereby proving I'm an old lady!
[ Laughter and applause ]
And I get these old-people coupons, now.
[ Laughter ]
I got a coupon recently
for ash burial at sea.
[ Laughter, ohhs, and applause ]
A coupon.
[ Laughter and applause ]
It said, "Ash burial at sea, $595."
And on the bottom, in smaller print, it said,
"Reduce the high cost of dying."
[ Laughter, ohhs, and applause ]
"Gee, I'd like to die, but it's just so expensive.
[ Laughter, cheering, and applause ]
It there was a sale on dying, I'd be dead right now."
So, I have a daughter. She's 19.
Very interesting age.
She hates me, so, she's right on track developmentally.
[ Laughter and applause ] The only thing she likes to do
with me is go to Costco. [ Laughter ]
And I love Costco. A lot of people love Costco,
but I've realized that, at this stage in my life,
it doesn't even make sense for me to go there
because there's nothing I can buy there
that I'll live to finish.
[ Laughter and oohs ]
I can't use that many Q-tips.
[ Laughter ] Every time I'm there
with my daughter and we're leaving,
I always point to the cart and I look at her and I say,
"Someday, this will all be yours.
[ Laughter and applause ]
This is my legacy."
[ Cheering ]
Yes, I've been on the planet for a while,
ladies and gentlemen.
I remember this song that I learned in the third grade.
You'll probably know this, from the East Coast.
"The Erie Canal"? You know the song?
I'll sing it for you.
♪ I've got a mule and her name is Sal ♪
♪ Fifteen miles on the Erie Canal ♪
♪ She's a good old worker and a good old pal ♪
♪ Fifteen miles on the Erie Canal ♪
♪ She's hauled some barges in our day ♪
♪ Filled with lumber, coal, and hay ♪
[ Clapping rhythmically ] ♪ And she knows every inch of the way ♪
♪ From Albany to Buffalo ♪
[ Laughter and cheering ] Now, wait.
I have known that song since the third grade.
It's been up here for 59 years.
And that is why, when I go to the mall,
I can't find my car.
[ Laughter, cheering, and applause ]
I'm in the parking ramp, clicking my remote,
hoping I hear something.
All I hear is a guy one mile over, going --
♪ I've got a mule and her name is Sal ♪
[ Laughter and applause ] He can't find his car, either.
Thank you so much. I'm Cathy Ladman.
[ Cheering and applause ] You were great.
Thanks.
[ Whistling ]
-This is your --
This is -- This is your legacy.
[Indistinct]
Cathy Ladman!
I love you.
[ Cheering and applause ]
See Cathy at the Throckmorton Theatre
in Mill Valley, California, February 14th.
We'll be right back.
Number 10. Number 10.