- Today's episode is rotten to the core.
- Let's talk about that.
(upbeat music)
♪ Good mythical morning ♪
For your last chance to see us live onstage this year
and for quite a while after that,
come see us in Phoenix, Albuquerque, Sacramento,
and the LA area.
Go to rhettandlinklive.com for tickets.
- It is less than a week until Halloween.
And I'm feeling spookier than a black cat
perched on a pumpkin on the porch of that
cranky old man's house at the end of the street,
which is definitely haunted.
- And at the present, that cranky old man
is busy stuffing razor blades and rat poison
into apples to get his revenge on the youth this Halloween.
So today, for the good of youth everywhere,
we must explore how easy is it to spot
the difference between terrific apples and tainted ones.
It's time for Who Gets to Tickle Their Taste Buds
With a Candy Apple
and Who Locks Lips With the Candy Crapple?
- Welcome to the embellished chapel of hellish apples.
- Soon we will be presented with two different candy apples
on this rotating scary Susan.
Both are gonna look delicious on the outside,
but one will definitely not be an apple
or delicious on the inside.
And whoever draws the longest broomstick
at the top of each round gets to control the scary Susan.
- Yeah, and the only way that we're gonna know
that we wound up with the candy apple or the crapple
is to take a big old bite of it.
- All right, let's go crapple picking.
(spooky music)
All right, let's bring in the apples.
- Hi, I'm Karen.
Don't be frightened.
I'm a fun witch.
I have warts in all the cool places.
- [Link] Oh, is that right?
- Before we get started, can I interest you
in some of my hand-crafted broomsticks.
I'm selling them on my site, Broomingdales,
it's a five star review on Yikes, which is Yelp for witches.
- Oh, wow.
There's, hm, okay.
- [Link] All right, so.
- Whoever gets the longest one, you know,
gets to pick the apple.
- Okay. (laughing)
- You might be mistaken.
That's a little overkill, Rhett.
- Yeah, and a little underkill.
I mean, I think we just represented--
do you now take them?
- Thank you. - You can resell those.
- Unless you want them for five easy payments of 5.99?
- No thank you.
- Well I'll do a little spell over the apples
before you get started, okay.
Shell of crab, ball of meat,
may your apples not smell like feet.
- Did she just give us a hint?
- She said ball of meat.
- [Link] They both look fabulous.
- [Rhett] This one looks more like a ball of meat though.
(laughing)
- It is kinda, it is a little droopy.
- You know if I had to give you one.
- [Link] This one's a little peppier.
- Yeah, right, I don't know though.
Is that part of it?
It might just be there's so much chocolate on it.
I mean, you know what, you can find out.
- [Link] Okay.
- [Rhett] Gotta get a big bite now, brother.
Get that jaw open.
Here we go.
(crunching)
That's an apple.
(gagging)
- What is that?
- [Stevie] That's just a seafood meatball.
- Oh, seafood meatball.
- It's a crapple!
- This is really good. (gagging)
- It's like, when she said feet, y'all are messed up, uh uh.
Uh uh.
(spooky music)
Okay, so we've already learned a lesson
that you gotta look at your apples closely
and the one that isn't shaped quite like an apple
is probably gonna be a crapple, so.
We've made an adjustment.
- [Rhett] Bring in the apples.
- To make this more difficult.
- Hey, I see you didn't quite like
my spell very much there, Link.
- I did not like the crab foot apple.
- Oh, I hope it didn't affect your reviews on Broomingdales.
All right!
Please.
- More brooms. - These are pretty.
- [Karen] Thank you.
(laughing)
- Oh, whoa, whoa, whoa, what a broom!
- Oh wow, look at that. - Very nice.
- That's even more extreme than the first time.
- I mean, you could actually ride that one.
- That's true. (laughing)
I'm gonna take that as a I look like
I lost some weight complement, so thank you very much.
All right, so the next spell is...
Hm.
Leg of frog and eye of newt,
you may need some mouthwash to boot.
After this.
Okay.
(groaning)
- Frog legs and newt.
- Okay, well it's gonna be nasty.
We know that.
But you've got to make the decision.
- [Link] Okay.
It's more difficult because it's in the bowl.
- [Rhett] Yeah, this one's not obvious.
- [Link] This one's actually difficult.
- Yeah, you want me to have the sprinkles?
I like sprinkles.
(laughing) - I can't tell.
Y'all made it too hard!
Okay.
Oh gosh.
- This is your final decision?
- Yes.
- Here's what I'm gonna do, I feel like
we're gonna know something when we pull them up,
so here's what--
I think we need to pull 'em up
and not look at them directly, just take a bite.
- Okay. - In fact, let's pull 'em up
and look at each other in the eyes.
- Okay, all right.
- 'Cause that'll make for good internet content.
- [Link] Here it is.
- I think you might have leaves on yours.
(laughing)
- I just, do I have leaves on mine?
I see in my periphery. - Uh uh.
- You ready? - Yeah.
- Three, two.
(crunching)
Oh! (laughing)
It's a onion.
- Yup, this is an apple.
- I thought it was gonna be frog legs.
- I think frog legs and newt, it's like she's a witch,
she just talks like that.
- Now, that's a good joke.
(laughing)
Halloween joke.
(spooky music)
- Hey guys.
- Hey. - I'm back.
- Yup, you are.
- All right.
Choose your brooms.
- Whoa.
- I was gonna choose that one.
- Well I got to it first.
- Woo. - Hey.
- Very close but I lose.
- Thank you.
Okay, you ready for another spell?
- Yes. - You like these, right?
- Well the last one certainly didn't help.
- All right.
Head to the barbie and cook up a treat,
I hope you're not squeamish with what you might eat.
All right.
- Head to the barbie?
- Head to the barbie.
- Well, looks like we've got some Oreo-ness.
And then some...
- [Link] Globs of...
- [Rhett] I don't know, something crispy, wafery.
- Looks like a chocolate peanut butter apple.
- Oh well, you know what, you're a peanut butter fan.
- Yeah I am.
- You know, but I mean, so am I.
- You can like peanut butter.
But you can also like Oreos.
- You can't! You can't.
No, hey. - Oreos!
- Don't touch the scary Susan. - You like Oreos!
- Don't touch the scary Susan.
I love Oreos.
Do you? - Yeah man.
- Well let's find out how much you love 'em.
(laughing)
- You act like you know something, but you don't.
- Ah.
- Man.
- And eye contact with each other.
- That's a good looking apple.
So is this.
(crunching)
- Uh uh. - That's an apple.
- It's really black in there.
- Mm.
- Just tastes like Oreo though.
- Maybe you gotta go deeper.
Oh. I see a bug.
- No, that's blackness. - There's not a bug in there.
- I ate a lot of that blackness.
- [Stevie] Well then what does it taste like?
- Oreo.
- Oh gosh.
You know, sometimes he likes things that are bad.
Do you remember that?
- Yeah, I like it, what is it?
Vegemite?
- Yeah. - Oh.
It's Vegemite.
- [Stevie] Is it good for real?
- No, it's horrible.
(laughing) (spooky music)
- Okay, Link, we're gonna bring you
another bad apple to eat.
(laughing)
- Bring it in.
- Just that seems to be where this is going.
- Hey guys. - Hey there.
- How's it going?
- Not great, actually.
- Oh boy.
Well I noticed that neither of you
have left a review on Yikes.
- We haven't had a lot of free time, I mean.
We've just been here. - Okay.
Well can I DM you something, do you have a TikTok?
- No I don't.
- Me neither.
- You can send an email through
our contact page on our website.
- That sounds promising.
Please choose another broom that I've supplied for free.
- Why are you waiting to see where I'm going
and then going there?
What, you're cheating.
- No I'm not.
I'm just touching brooms.
- Hold on, he...
(laughing)
- [Stevie] Oh no Link, I think that you might've
disqualified yourself with that cheating move.
- That was just.
- I was just touching brooms.
- That was clear cheating.
He touched every single broom and tested the weight.
So I feel like the judges need to make a decision.
- I wasn't.
Pull a broom.
- I would like the one that Link has.
- [Stevie] Uh, why are you making this so difficult?
- You want me to switch up the brooms?
- Yes! - Yeah, yeah, switch 'em out.
- All right, cover your eyes.
Okay.
Ooh.
- Don't weigh them.
- I didn't last time.
- What if I say one, two, three, go.
(laughing)
- Well, I doubt you're gonna get one this long.
- Oh no.
- Open wide, brother.
- Oh hey, you could hurt somebody, man.
- [Stevie] Boys.
- Quit touching the scary Susan.
- You accused me of cheating.
- My broom! - You did cheat.
- But you accused me.
- Yeah, that's right.
You cheated and you can't, just listen.
- M&Ms.
- We need a pair of handcuffs for him
so he can't touch the scary Susan.
Okay.
- [Karen] All right, you ready for another spell?
- Oh yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah,
yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. - That's what I'm here for.
This may be rough, clean up on aisle three.
Giddy-up fellas, clean that vom vom from your knee.
(sighing)
Can you please just, it'll take five minutes of your time.
- Okay, Yikes, yeah Yikes.
- She wants a review.
- Don't touch it.
- I'm not, I'm just feeling it.
- I'm in control of the scary Susan.
- Control it.
- Just put your hands in your lap.
Put your hands in your lap.
- I'll put my hands back here. - Okay, good.
Anywhere that they're not on the scary Susan.
This is, I won the privilege.
- Now, you like candy corn.
- And you don't like M&Ms.
- [Link] I don't love 'em.
- [Rhett] The candy corn one is bigger.
But, you know what, it's got candy corn on it.
- The corns are bigger.
(groaning)
He doesn't know.
He's working hard.
To give me the crapple.
But he doesn't have a lot to go on here,
so it's probably a guess.
- Should I go, I kinda like candy corns.
I know you don't really like M&Ms.
So should I do the nice thing and make myself eat the M&Ms?
Or should I do the mean thing and make you eat the M&Ms?
What if I just go off of that?
- I don't know, what do you think I deserve?
- Well I feel like you've been a jerk to me.
(laughing)
So, I'm going to do the nice thing.
- [Link] Oh, you're gonna add salt in the wound, huh?
- I'm gonna do the nice thing
and I'm going to eat the M&Ms for you.
Oh, I don't feel good about this.
- You don't know. - I have no idea.
- That's really all you're saying.
(laughing) Okay.
Put 'em in a leaf pile.
(crunching)
- Oh.
Oh!
Oh.
- [Link] Finally!
- [Rhett] Is that horseradish?
- [Stevie] Yup.
- That's not good.
(spooky music)
- All right guys, I'm gonna level with ya here.
I got about 35 cents to my name.
I owe a lot of bad people a lot of money.
Down there.
And so if you could just...
- Leave you a review.
- Buy a broom.
You gotta buy one too.
I know I was trying to be coy, but,
I thought you would like the brooms, but.
- Okay, okay.
You know what, this is a nice broom.
- Don't do that again!
- Hey, you can't do that.
- Listen, I'll admit I was cheating.
When I did that I was testing the weight.
And then comparing it to the weight of another one.
But what I'm gonna let you do is
I'm gonna let you choose.
I'll let you choose which one.
(laughing)
- Someone put a curse on you.
- [Rhett] Okay.
- All right, last one.
Spit of meerkat, fur black as night.
One of these apples will give you a fright!
It's been a pleasure.
- Thank you, Karen.
- Thank you.
I'm sure it'll all work out.
She said spit.
I don't know if that's in...
- Well she also said, fur of meerkat.
I think there's hair.
It would be super sadistic to put something bad
inside that with all those layers.
I mean, look at that.
I mean, the Cheerios.
A children's favorite cereal.
You're a cereal man.
- Yeah.
- But you know what, you've been
eating a lot of smoothies lately.
- Yeah.
- Haven't been eating a lot of cereal.
Why do you have that broom in your mouth?
- I'm ready for the amputation.
- I skipped breakfast.
So I'm going to enjoy these Cheerios.
(laughing)
(groaning)
- I don't know, man, this looks.
- I still don't know.
Here we go.
- Dink it and sink it.
(crunching)
Uh!
- [Rhett] Yeah, this is an apple.
- It's mushy like marshmallow.
- It's probably not marshmallow.
- What is that?
- [Stevie] Link, oh my god.
- [Rhett] Take another big bite of it.
- It's like raw dough.
- [Stevie] Link!
- He's not good at tasting bad things.
He's lost all sense of--
- It's an odd consistency to me.
This is like marshmallow fluff.
I kinda like it.
What is it though?
- [Stevie] That's cat food.
(laughing)
- You like animal food.
We've established this.
I'm not gonna taste it. - Smell it.
- It smells like cat food, man.
What happened to you?
(gagging)
You went in so hard.
- It's so mushy.
- It really is all about consistency to you.
- Yeah. - I'm learning.
- I don't think I can taste anything,
I can just feel.
- Okay well, sorry Link.
You had a pretty bad day.
But not as bad as I think most people would've had.
- No.
- With eating a cat food apple.
- Again, it's a credit to chocolate
covering a world of sins.
- Thanks for liking, commenting, and subscribing.
- You know what time it is.
- I'm Vanessa.
- And I'm John.
- And we're at Douglas Orchard in Shoreham, Vermont.
And it's time to spin
The Wheel of Mythicality. - The Wheel of Mythicality.
- Nice. - Look at that.
A real apple orchard.
They actually exist.
Click the top link to watch the Mythical Crew
have a no-hands apple eating contest
in Good Mythical More.
- And to find out where
The Wheel of Mythicality's gonna land.
- [Rhett] You'll fall in love with our
new Mythical long-sleeve tees.
Available now at mythical.com.