-Welcome, welcome, welcome to
"The Tonight Show"!
You're here. Thank you for being here.
Thank you for watching.
[ Cheering, whistling, and applause ]
Guys, it seems like there's so much going on right now.
Father's Day is this Sunday.
[ Cheering, whistling, and applause ]
Congress just held another hearing about January 6th.
The first photo of Ryan Gosling as Ken...
[ Cheering and applause ]
...in the "Barbie" movie is out.
And I just heard Jack Daniels is teaming up with Coca-Cola
to sell a canned Jack & Coke.
[ Cheering and applause ]
There's a lot to go over,
so let's just jump in and cover it all at once.
It's time for a "News Smash." Here we go.
[ Cheering, whistling, and applause ]
♪♪
First up, this Sunday is Father's Day.
It is the time to thank your dad
for everything he's done for you.
It's a fun day to celebrate, but you know what's not so fun?
The congressional hearings.
[ Laughter ] They're investigating January 6th.
That's when a mob went after Mike Pence,
who, by the way, has as much going on below the belt as
A Ken doll. [ Laughter and applause ]
What can you do, you know?
He's a Ken doll. I mean,
and Ken and Barbie, they're a great couple.
I mean, they go together like
Jack & Coke.
[ Laughter and applause ]
Now, you can get it as a premixed cocktail,
which is good news if you still need a gift for
Father's Day.
[ Laughter and applause ]
Your dad deserves something special.
Because it's not easy raising kids.
I mean, before he had you, your dad probably looked like
[ Laughter and applause ] Ryan Gosling. I mean,
just look at him.
If that Ken walked into a bachelorette party,
there'd be a full-on
Riot. [ Laughter ]
People stormed the Capitol,
and took selfies while they did it.
You know, they must've pregamed with a few
canned cocktails. [ Laughter ]
If you drink one, you drink six.
I mean, they go down real smooth.
[ Laughter ]
Speaking of down and smooth...
Poor Ken.
[ Laughter and applause ]
He'll never be able to be a
Dad. So... [ Laughter ]
...in conclusion --
Nice abs.
Tastes bad.
Make it stop.
[ Laughter ] Love you, Pop.
[ Cheering and applause ] This has been a "News Smash."
♪♪
Thank you very much.
As I mentioned, this Sunday is Father's Day.
[ Cheering and applause ]
-Four? -Four people, yeah.
[ Laughter ] That's great.
Yeah, it's the day we thank Dad for all the times
we went to him with a problem and he said --
[ Changes accent ] "Ask your mother."
[ Laughter and applause ]
On Father's Day, you don't even have
to make breakfast in bed because there's always
a half a baloney sandwich on his nightstand.
[ Laughter ]
Let's be honest -- no one cares about Father's Day.
[ Laughter ] Even the Hallmark Channel
does nothing for Father's Day.
[ Awws and laughter ] Seriously, they'll air
an Arbor Day marathon before a Father's Day movie.
[ Laughter ]
Yeah, Father's Day is a lot different
than Mother's Day. On Mother's Day,
every card looks like a novel.
On Father's Day, you basically get the CliffsNotes.
[ Laughter and applause ]
Meanwhile, leading up to Father's Day,
Kingsford released a new ad for their charcoal.
It might just be me, but it seems a little strange.
Watch this --
-This...
...gather around the grill with...
because a Kingsford flame is the perfect thing to stare at to...
[ Laughter ] Squirt the lighter fluid.
Listen to him say...
...and realize it's as close to...
as he's ever going to get.
[ Laughter ] Stand there as he retells the story of how...
[ Laughter ] Finally work up the courage to...
[ Laughter ] Then listen to him reply...
[ Laughter and whistling ]
[ Cheering and applause ] -That's right. Beautiful.
Well, this is fun -- the Westminster Dog Show
kicks off tomorrow right here in New York.
[ Cheering and applause ]
Breeds are categorized into groups,
including working, sporting, and non-sporting.
It's the same way dads classify their sons.
[ Laughter ]
[ Changes accent ] I got one working,
one non-sporting.
[ Laughter ]
One not working.
[ Laughter ]
Get this -- I read that President Biden
will soon release his plan for the next pandemic.
Americans were like, "Awesome.
Wait, what next pandemic?"
[ Laughter ]
It's not much. All they're planning to do is
mail everyone a sour dough starter kit.
[ Laughter ]
No, I'm kidding. It's a highly detailed plan
called "Tiger King" Season 3.
[ Laughter ]
Well, guys, gas prices are still soaring
and experts say that there's no relief in sight.
With that in mind, we went to our sound engineer,
Steve Mandel, who's going to tell us
what he thinks about gas prices,
in a new segment called "Steve Mandel's Rant Zone."
[ Laughter ] -This is...
[ Cheering and applause ] ...the only place where you're
going to get...
If you can't handle the heat,
[ Laughter ] stay away from the flames
because Steve Mandel...
...and...
And now, it's time to find out what goes on
in the mind of this man.
-[ Sedately ] I think gas prices are too high.
[ Laughter ]
-This has been...
Consider yourself ranted.
-[ Sedately ] Don't forget to smash that like button.
[ Laughter and applause ]
-Some entertainment news --
[ Laughter ]
I heard that a new Marvel series, called "Wonder Man,"
is in the works at Disney+.
Finally, a superhero for boys to relate to.
[ Laughter ]
Yep, Wonder Man has superhuman strength, speed, stamina,
and the ability to fight copyright infringement lawsuits
from "Superman."
[ Laughter ]
Actually, Wonder Man's super power is
hearing what Wonder Woman said in the meeting
and then repeating it louder.
[ Laughter and applause ]
[ Booing ]
[ Cheering and applause ]
Hey, guys, I saw that this Saturday is
Paul McCartney's 80th birthday.
[ Cheering and applause ]
And I want to be real for a moment.
His music means so much to me, so, to honor him,
here's a special performance of his most beautiful song,
"Let It Be."
[ Cheering and applause ]
[ Cheering, whistling, and applause ]
[ Nervous laugh ]
Whew!
[ Nervous laugh ] I know the rights to this
are super expensive, but, uh --
[ Laughter ]
I hope we cleared them.
[ Laughter and applause ]
[ Stage muted ] -♪ Old MacDonald had a farm ♪
♪ E-I-E-I-O ♪
♪ And on his farm, he had some pigs ♪
♪ E-I-E-I-O ♪
♪ With an oink-oink here and an oink-oink there ♪
♪ Here an oink, there an oink, everywhere an oink-oink ♪
♪ Old MacDonald had a farm ♪
♪ E-I-E-I-O ♪
-Thank you very much.
[ Cheering, whistling, and applause ]
Thank you for the music, Sir Paul.
[ Whistling ]
Hey, guys, I saw that LEGO's is spending more than $1 billion
to build its first factory in the U.S.
-Whoo! -Yep, it will probably take a while to build
because, halfway through, they realize,
one brick's missing and have to start over.
[ Laughter and applause ]
Well, you guys, summer is officially here
and I read that today is National Flip-Flop Day.
That's pretty fun.
[ Cheering and applause ]
-No, wait, wait. -I love flip flops.
-Like, okay, you love flip-flops.
What else? -I mean, I mean, I like --
I like flip-flops. I like tank tops.
-That's cool. What else?
[ Laughter ]
-I like pawn shops and bus stops.
I like listening to hip hop, K-Pop, and doo-wop
nonstop at a coffee shop on my laptop.
I like eating lamb chops with Carrot Top and Fetty Wap,
drinking peach schnapps, watching "RoboCop"
at a rooftop of a co-op.
[ Laughter ] ♪ I like rock steady, not bebop, brooms, not mops ♪
♪ Sucking gumdrops and lollipops with bellhops ♪
♪ Jamming is easy, topping the sounds ♪
♪ Of Alka-Seltzer going plop, plop ♪
-♪ Fizz, fizz ♪
♪ Oh, what a relief it ♪
-♪ Is...it nice to be naughty? ♪
♪ Is it naughty to be nice? ♪
-♪ Okay, okay, okay ♪ -♪ Is it naughty to be nice? ♪
♪ Naughty to be ♪ -♪ Okay ♪
-♪ Okay ♪
[ Cheering and applause ]
[ Whistling ]
Listen to this -- a motorcyclist in Minnesota was arrested
for going 144 miles per hour
and he said that he was going that fast
to cool off from the heat.
[ Laughter ]
It actually worked because he got to ride
in an air-conditioned police car.
[ Laughter ]
And, finally, like I said, this Sunday is Father's Day
and there are so many amazing dads out there
who do such great things
and the one thing we all know dads can do
is dance.
[ Laughter and cheering ]
So, we went down to the streets and asked dads to show us
their best moves to celebrate Father's Day.
Here's some great dad dancing.
[ Cheering, whistling, and applause ]
-♪ My money don't jiggle, jiggle, it folds ♪
♪ I'd like to see you wiggle, wiggle, for sure ♪
♪ It makes me wanna dribble, dribble, you know ♪
♪ Riding in my Fiat, you really have to see it ♪
♪ Six feet two in a compact, no slack ♪
♪ Luckily the seats go back, I've got a knack ♪
♪ To relax in my mind, sipping some ♪
[ Electronic voice ] ♪ Red, red wine ♪
[ Cheering and applause ]
-Happy Father's Day!