So you busted your bottom in high school and managed to score straight As.
You made sure to pad out your college applications by enrolling in every after-school program
your school had available, so you played varsity football while also being the head cheerleader
for your own games and captain of the chess team!
All the sacrifices were worth it though, because you got a scholarship to your first-pick school-
but like with many college students who get scholarships, you still had to take out a
huge loan to cover all the extra expenses.
That's books, parking pass fees, meals, dormitory expenses, school library fees, printer fees,
campus breathable oxygen fees, and fees for processing of your fees- but hey, you still
did it, you shunned your social life and graduated top of your class!
You've done it, you've taken that bold first step in the American dream and graduated college,
now pack your bags, it's time to move back home because your diploma means bupkis since
every employer wants previous experience anyways and you're saddled with so many student loan
payments that you technically can't even afford to be alive right now.
Today we're once more turning to your favorite Infographics Show Staff lab rat and challenging
him to live like most modern American college graduates, by having him move back home for
thirty days!
Day 1: So I had to do a lot of explaining to my parents to even make this challenge
possible.
See, they know I'm a working writer out here in Los Angeles, and they know about many of
the things I've written, including some things they've watched- but this whole challenge
thing, well I never really bothered to tell them.
It's kind of an open secret, I don't really hide it, but I don't really volunteer the
information out either, it's never really fun explaining just how weird your job can
get to people.
So I had my mom and pops watch a few challenges, to which my mom immediately asked me how the
girlfriend puts up with my life.
Then she immediately felt bad for her and ended up leaving our skype conversation so
she could call her privately and make sure that she was alright, and these challenges
weren't stressing her out too much.
HER!
Not her son, her own flesh and blood who you know, actually has to put himself, or his
body, or his dignity at least, on the line with each challenge, but the one who just
gets to watch it happen.
Clearly my mom has a favorite.
My dad mostly thought it was funny, and he really liked the eating the spiciest pepper
challenge which just so happens to have been the first official challenge episode by the
way.
As far as he's concerned, my safety or comfort doesn't much matter, he just wants to make
sure I'm being paid well.
So long story short, they agreed to let me fly home and live there for thirty days.
I'm kind of hesitant about this to be honest, I left home at 18 and only ever went back
to visit, I haven't lived with my parents in over a decade.
I also really like my life out here in Los Angeles, and they retired in a small town
in Kentucky, so culture clash for sure- I hated it out there, there's just so little
to do.
Then there's also the freedom thing, I just enjoy having my own life and it's going to
be weird living under their roof again.
I mean I'm an adult now so I won't have chores or curfews or anything silly like that, but
it's just weird to not be independent, even if only for thirty days.
I guess I'll find out just how weird.
So that's it, the girlfriend's taking me to the airport later today and I'll be back home
in time for supper.
Weird, I never use the word supper.
I've already starting to feel the effects of this challenge.
Oh, by the way, this isn’t just a thirty day home-vacation, because of course I have
mini-challenges to undergo during these thirty days, but you’ll have to stay subscribed
to find out what they are.
See you guys in a week!
Day 7: You should absolutely do everything you can to avoid ever moving back in with
your parents.
Consider that a general piece of advice.
It's not really about rules or anything like that, it's just...
I don't know, weird to the maximum to move back home when you're an adult.
I know a lot of people don't have a choice in the matter, but if you can avoid it, you
really should.
If you are forced to move back home because of financial situation, man, you guys are
the real heroes out there.
So, immediately upon landing it became obvious to me just how different things are back home
versus my life in California.
I'm used to densely packed urban sprawl, with the trendiest and shiniest new shopping and
dining venues anywhere in the world spanning block after block.
Expensive cars, and people- typically women- wearing equally expensive clothing and jewelry.
Back home though, there's literally none of that.
In a way, it's really refreshing.
In another, it's sort of depressing.
I'm not the flashy type at all, but my first few hours back home just really brought back
how little there is to this place.
One thing though- trees.
Beautiful, big, green trees everywhere.
LA doesn't have many trees, it's a coastal desert, and you gotta drive out of town to
see some pines.
Here though there's trees of all shapes and sizes, and they're everywhere.
Oh and also, parking lots!!!
If you've never lived in Los Angeles or New York then you probably don't understand that
parking lots are god's gift to his undeserving children.
Back home it can cost you upwards of fifteen bucks just to park your car.
Here, literally every place has a parking lot.
It almost makes me cry- or at least my wallet.
So the first night went well enough.
Parents asked me how things are going, though literally the first question my mother asked
when we sat for dinner was when me and the girlfriend were getting married.
She's kind of old school, and even though we've both explained it to her numerous times,
she still doesn't understand- or maybe just doesn't like- that we're kind of not doing
that.
I had to remind her that we're both completely committed to spending the rest of our lives
together, maybe having kids one day, and that we don't need a big ceremony or the government
to make that official.
Honestly, I just think she really wants the ceremony.
Hard to blame a mother.
My parents are lucky enough to have hung on to the house they bought while I was still
in high school, so I get to sleep in my old room- and that's a whole other level of weird.
Me and the girlfriend have visited plenty of times before, but I've always insisted
on staying in a hotel.
Mostly because since my mother is old school, she won't let us sleep together in the same
bed- even though again, we're basically married.
To her, until it's official we're not allowed to sleep together, at least not under her
roof, and it's just so weird that she needs a marriage ceremony before that's ok.
Staying in this room has brought back a lot of memories, but in so many ways it feels
like I'm sleeping in a stranger's bed.
The very last time I slept in this bed was the night before I shipped out for basic training,
and even though that was like twelve years ago, it might as well be an entire lifetime
away.
Mornings in your parent's house are another bit of weird.
You're so used to your own routine, and then you lumber into the kitchen and find your
dad already there, and it sort of hits you- this isn't your space, it's his.
He's the alpha dog around here.
You can't just stroll out in your underwear to make yourself some tea, although he certainly
gets to as I was unfortunate enough to find out.
When I ran into him and I yelled at him for being in the kitchen in his boxers he reminded
me that me and my sister moved out years ago, and if he wants to walk around his house naked
as the day he was born, then he very well will do just that.
Skipping past a very difficult readjustment period, I tried to carve out my own routine
under my parent's roof.
I already feel like I don't have the freedom I normally have in my own life, even though
it's not like I'm living under any kind of rules or anything.
I just feel so.. restricted in everything I do.
Like I was a teenager again.
Both of my parents are retired, so they're home all the time.
In order to avoid going stir crazy or having my mom drive me insane by constantly asking
me about marriage or grand kids, I decided to rent a car and explore the town throughout
my week.
Even though it's been over a decade, literally nothing has changed, though I guess I'm not
surprised.
All in all, this challenge is turning out to be a real bore to be honest with you.
Day 14: I skyped with the girlfriend today, or at least I tried to but when my mother
found out she took my ipad away from me and basically hogged it the entire night talking
to her.
I told you, she very clearly has a favorite in this relationship and it's not her own
flesh and blood son.
When they said their goodbyes my mother brought me the tablet and very loudly said, “Such
a beautiful, sweet girl, shame nobody wants to marry her.”
This challenge honestly couldn't end fast enough.
My second week under my parent's roof was much like my first.
I did get some chores assigned to me, or as my dad put it- “If you're gonna be living
under my roof rent-free you best pitch in around here!”.
They have a pretty big property and a decent sized garden where they grow their own stuff,
so I mostly helped out with outdoor work.
My dad tried to push me and see if, as he put it: “city livin's made you soft!”.
Ha, if he thinks living with a fitness and health nazi girlfriend makes you soft he's
got another think coming.
I've learned to not even leave my room until about ten in the morning, which is when my
dad officially decides to put on pants.
My mom got on his case about it and he protested very loudly that he “bought and paid for
this damn house and he'll walk around pantless if he feels like it.”
I guess I can't fault him, a man's home is his castle, and hey he's had a tough life,
he's earned not wearing pants until ten am if he doesn't want to.
This week I went with my dad to a local VFW post.
For those of you who don't know, that's a Veterans of Foreign Wars outpost that's kind
of like a social club for veterans.
It never really hit me until we went that night, but we're both veterans, and both of
us have the injuries that sadly typically come along with that status.
The weird thing is we both got them in what is technically the same war, just at completely
different times.
I guess even though I know America has been at war in Iraq and Afghanistan for two decades,
it never really hit me until that realization.
I've never liked going to any sort of veteran events or anything like that, as far as I'm
concerned, it's best to let sleeping dogs lie.
Walking into a room of vets, many of them wounded in ways that are far more obvious
than me and my pops, it was honestly just a bad time.
But there was a camaraderie there that is hard to deny, and honestly, something that
somewhere deep in my heart, I know I miss every day.
You just don't make friendships in the 'real' world the way you make them when your life
is on the line.
I've been mostly hanging out with my dad this week, and I'll admit it's nice to reconnect.
When I visit it's typically only for a few days at a time, Christmas is the longest stretch
of time I'll ever come back home for.
I guess we're both kind of gruff about it, and don't really say things like “I missed
you” to anyone other than the woman we love, but I guess I really have missed him.
Just not stumbling into him wearing nothing but boxer shorts at 9 am.
Day 21: Three weeks down, one week to go.
Honestly, living with parents is turning out to be so much more restrictive than I thought-
even though I'm not restricted in any way, shape or form.
I think I'm just too wildly independent for this whole experience, I am literally itching
to get back to living in my own place.
I spent more time with my mother this week, and she took me to a few of the social things
she does throughout the week.
My mom's... we'll she's not like regular moms.
She may be living in a small town, but she's got no small-town mind.
She's whip-smart, has about a half dozen more college degrees than my dad, exercises vigorously,
teaches her own karate class at the local YMCA, and let's my dad roar all he wants around
the house like a big lion, but it's obvious to everyone that she's the one in charge.....
and oh my god I just realized why my mother and girlfriend get along so well.
It all suddenly makes perfect, terrifying sense.
Wow, ok, sorry, had to take a moment to process that.
Anyways, one of our first trips together was to the YMCA where she wanted me to help her
teach her karate class.
Now, I know my mom's super into fitness and she's done martial arts for decades, but I
thought she was like, teaching a class for kids.
No.
She doesn't teach kids- well I mean she does, since she teaches all ages, but she also teaches
adult classes.
And you know what they do in these classes?
They spar.
Yes, with head gear and protective equipment, but they still physically spar against each
other.
And that's the story of how I ended up sparring against my own mother.
Yes, you heard that right, I had to fight my mother.
Now, it's been years since my training in the military, but my mother always taught
me as a kid- first tae kwon do, which she taught me for what she called the “essentials”,
and then she skipped straight to krav maga because as my 50 year old, dear, sweetheart
of a mother put it, “anything else is for-”, and then she said a word we can't repeat because
Infographics is a family show.
Listen, I wasn't about to be the guy that put his mother into a rear naked chokehold,
or an arm bar until she tapped out, but I'll tell you what- she sure as hell tried to be
the mother that put her son into those exact positions.
We used to spar back when I was a teen, but she was in her late thirties then and let
me tell you, age hasn't done much to slow her down.
I came back home with an almost-black eye- she faked me out with a low kick and got me
with a left jab when I dropped my hands to block her kick.
My dad barely commented on it when we got back home.
He knows better- he's been on the receiving end of their sparring sessions together more
than once over their many decades of marriage.
I feel like I've been watching them together a lot over the last three weeks, and I'm suddenly
aware of so many similarities between not just me and my parents in the way we act at
home, but between my relationship and theirs.
It really is true what they say, you typically end up with someone that reminds you of your
mother.
Day 31: I am back home in LA now, and my final week of living with my parents was in many
ways my most surprising.
In one way, it was literally surprising- I went fishing with my dad at the start of the
week and when we got home that afternoon I found out my mom had gone to the airport and
picked up my girlfriend.
Apparently they'd been in secret cohoots this entire time and planned that she'd come stay
for the final few days.
If living with your parents alone is weird, it's even weirder with your significant other.
And it's even weirder when your mom is herself acting weird and not letting the woman you've
been with for six years, and committed your entire life to, sleep in the same room as
you.
I suddenly remembered why I always insist on getting a hotel when we visit- it's the
silliest damn thing in the world to not be allowed to sleep in the same bed just because
we're not married.
So she ended up taking the guest bedroom and I stayed in my room, though you know what?
It's real easy to sneak from one room to the other in the dead of night.
And it's kind of really fun.
For the first time in this whole experiment, I was actually enjoying living with my parents
because sneaking her into my room late at night made me feel like a kid again.
My mom and girlfriend spent most of the week together, and I spent a lot of time with my
dad.
There's honestly little friction between me and my parents, even after so many weeks of
living back home with them- we're all just so independent that it doesn't really bother
us.
I feel like this experience would have been a lot harder with a different family, maybe
one that's more overbearing.
Then there's also the fact that I am still a functioning adult with a job, so I could
afford a rental car to get away if I felt like it.
People who run into financial dead ends don't really have that option.
Like I said before, you guys are the real heroes here.
The week was honestly kind of uneventful.
Except for one pretty glaring exception.
We all went out to dinner together and me and the girlfriend got some stares.
Suddenly I remembered one of the reasons I hated growing up here.
In California, or even in New York, her and I never get any attention for being a mixed
race couple, but here... well, small town sometimes means small minds.
Nobody said anything, thankfully, but the stares were very obvious at times.
It made her uncomfortable- she grew up in upstate New York and was definitely insulated
against stuff like this as a kid.
I am very cool, calm, and collected.
I don't react until somebody's words or actions actually hurt someone I love.
My mother on the other hand... let's just say she believes the best defense is a strong
offense.
When the stares became too much, she very loudly threatened to, and I quote, “smack
the googly eyes out of anyone who has a problem with my beautiful daughter-in-law!”
Did I mention it's a small town?
Everyone knows she teaches martial arts at the local Y, and that she very much meant
it.
The stares pretty quickly died down after that.
The same mother that threatened to publicly fight a bunch of racists became a mess of
tears when it came time to leave, although I feel obligated to point out that at the
airport she did the majority of her hugging and tearful goodbye-ing with my girlfriend,
instead of once more, her own son.
I had a few hours on the plane ride to the west coast to reflect on this whole experience,
and I definitely wouldn't recommend someone moving back home unless they absolutely had
to.
I guess maybe if you really miss your family you could move down the block from them...
or maybe like ten blocks away.
Honestly, just try and keep it to a distance where visits are common, but not too common.
Be far enough away to discourage casual, everyday visits is what I'm saying.
Sure, it's weird living with your parents, but even if you're an adult it just kind of
seems like you slip back into an old rhythm.
They end up in charge somehow- even if you are actually an adult and not a kid anymore-
and while you don't have to do everything they say, you just sort of feel like you have
to because you live under their roof.
I kind of worry about people who never move away, or who move away late in life- can you
really become an independent person until you finally live on your own?
Again though, I know this isn't an economic reality for some people, so I'm definitely
not judging anyone.
But it is something to consider.
And speaking of things to consider, I find myself thinking back to the last few nights
at home, with all four of us living in the same roof.
Something's changed, I can feel it.
Watching my mom and dad together for weeks on end, their random arguments and just day
to day life together... it's so obvious that this is the future I want.
And I know exactly who I want it with, because she's been at my side through the best and
worst of the last six years of my life.
Maybe my mom's incessant nagging finally got into my head, but, maybe there really is something
to actually being married.
To publicly, and officially, declaring that you're in this forever together.
Great.
Thanks for turning my world upside down again, Infographics Show.
Have you ever had to move back in with your parents?
What was the experience like?
Let us know in the comments, and go check out our other challenge from the girlfriend's
perspective, Chained To My Boyfriend For 72 Hours!
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