Over the last few years, Dani unsuccessfully tried dieting, working out, and studying consistently.
And the reason she failed is because she believes in one of the greatest myths of this generation:
self-discipline.
She says to herself, “I need to find a good diet plan, workout, and study schedule and
just stick to it.
I need to be consistent and whip myself into shape.”
But this belief hasn’t worked out well for Dani.
Her life is a constant rollercoaster ride.
She diets for a few weeks before relapsing back into unhealthy foods.
She works out for a month and then quits the next month.
She studies hard for a few days and then binges Netflix for the next few.
She’s always going up and down on this rollercoaster, never finding true, lasting change.
Dani doesn’t understand that self-discipline will never lead to success.
Self-discipline means dividing oneself into two halves, the sculptor and the clay, the
molder and the molded, with one-half trying to control the other.
This division creates inner conflict, and the creation of inner conflict can never lead
to inner peace, and no matter how someone defines success for themselves, at some level,
it always comes back to a form of inner peace or the end of inner conflict.
So self-discipline can never lead to success, and in fact, it leads to the exact opposite:
self-imprisonment.
When looked at plainly, self-discipline is a ridiculous idea.
Most things can’t change themselves–they need something external to do it.
For example, a glass of water can’t turn itself red, but with the addition of dye,
it can change.
When Dani uses self-discipline, she divides herself into two halves, trying to get one-half
to act on the other.
But this is like pouring one glass of water into two separate glasses and then pouring
them back into the same one, hoping something new will happen.
Self-discipline is a waste of time because it never leads to lasting change.
True change comes from exposure to novelty, and it’s much more like a chemical reaction.
Dani’s friend Sam is captain of her college basketball team and an honours student.
And one day, Dani asked her how she stayed in such great shape and did so well in school.
“What’s your secret?” she asked.
Sam stared at her blankly.
“Secret?
There’s no secret.
I like staying active and studying, that’s all.”
Dani was disappointed.
She just doesn’t want to tell me, she thought.
So Dani began watching Sam’s actions and imitating them.
If Sam ran in the morning, Dani began running in the morning.
If Sam ate eggs for breakfast, Dani began eating eggs.
If Sam studied for four hours a day, Dani began studying for four hours a day.
But all of these behaviours were inauthentic for Dani: she wasn’t a morning person, she
hated eggs, and her life was too busy for four continuous hours of studying, so when
she did that, it always meant she had to cancel something else that was important to her.
Eventually Dani returned to her old habits.
But Dani’s wasn’t the only one who tried copying Sam.
Everyone admired Sam’s achievements, and so many people tried imitating her actions,
thinking they could be her.
Ironically, what made Sam Sam was that she didn’t think about anyone else’s actions.
Everyone tried to be Sam, but Sam didn’t try to be anyone but herself.
Everyone else tried forcing their behaviour in a certain direction, but Sam’s behaviour
was completely unforced.
She had incredible self-knowledge which she obtained at a young age.
Sam noticed that Dani was copying her and failing, and so one day, she decided to tell
her a story.
“When I was only two, my mother passed away, leaving my father to raise me all alone.
And he spent as much time with me as he could, helping me learn a lot about myself.
He exposed me to a lot of sports as a child, and I quickly learned that I liked basketball.
So he played with me every weekend.
And each day, for breakfast, he made me all kinds of different foods, and I found out
that I liked eggs.
So he made me different kinds of eggs each morning, scrambled, hardboiled, poached.
He never forced me to study any specific subject and never said that one’s more important
than another.
So I ended up following my interest in college: physics.
And because I love physics so much, I study a lot and somehow get good grades.
I guess what I’m trying to say is, there’s no secret to the things I do.
I really, genuinely like doing them.
And I guess I had the good luck of having a father who loved me enough to help me feel
safe exploring the world, and that exploration allowed me to find the things that worked
for me.”
After hearing Sam’s story, Dani decided she needed to approach her life differently,
without self-discipline.
Dani began a new journey of exploration, trying new foods from the grocery store each day,
testing out different forms of exercise, and looking up different majors to study.
Eventually, she found alternatives that she could maintain without forcing them upon herself,
and in the end, she ended up losing weight and making the honour roll.
When one finds what actually works, like Sam and Dani eventually did, there’s no self-discipline.
There’s no inner conflict.
The action is something one genuinely wants to do because it works for them.
And true change doesn’t come by trying to control oneself, but through exploration and
encounters with something new.
True change is a chemical reaction.
When we use self-discipline, it means we’re walking someone else’s path, and walking
some else’s path will only lead to inner conflict.
The only way is our own way, and thats why self-discipline is
a waste of time.