The record-breaking government shutdown is now
in its thirty-third day.
The effects are piling up.
Low-income renters are being cut off from housing aid.
Welfare payments could run out soon.
And the government is so broke
that they're selling ad space on the Constitution.
And now, things seem to be moving in the wrong direction,
because instead of debating the wall or how to end the shutdown,
politicians are arguing about a whole new issue--
the State of the Union speech.
It it started when House speaker Nancy Pelosi told Trump
that as long as the government stayed closed,
he should cancel the State of the Union.
And today, things really escalated.
President Trump, just minutes ago, sent a letter
to the Democratic speaker saying he intends
to deliver his State of the Union address
to both chambers of Congress next week.
House Speaker Nancy Pelosi sent a response
moments ago to President Trump,
saying that she will not sign off
on the State of the Union address
that the president was set to give next Tuesday
until the government reopens.
And here is how the president just responded to that.
The State of the Union speech has been, uh, cancelled
by Nancy Pelosi because she doesn't want to hear the truth.
Goddamn, this is... this is such a weird situation now,
because the rule is, the president can only give a speech
to Congress if the speaker, Nancy Pelosi, invites him,
and she is not inviting him.
But at the same time, this is Donald Trump.
You can't tell him where he can and can't go.
This is the same guy who popped up
in the dressing room of the Miss Teen USA pageant.
-He goes where he wants. -(audience members groaning)
Yeah. And what are you gonna do? Tell me something.
What are you gonna do if Trump decides to show up? Huh?
Have a congressional bouncer stop him?
Is that what you're gonna do? He's gonna be like,
"Sorry, Mr. President. You're not on the list."
Be like, "No, no. No, no. I was already in there last year.
"I just came out for a smoke.
"Just came... I promise you, I wasn't...
You can see my stamp. I just came out."
And then, the door opens for a second.
He's like, "Nancy! Nancy? Nancy?
"She's pretending not to hear me.
It's a prank we play on each other."
And for a moment, for a moment,
it looked like Nancy was going to have to get Hodor
to keep Trump out of the House.
But this afternoon, in a surprise move,
the president surrendered.
We're supposed to be doing it, and now...
Nancy Pelosi, or "Nancy" as I call her--
she doesn't want to hear the truth,
and she doesn't want to hear, more importantly,
the American people hear the truth,
so, uh, we just found out that she's cancelled it.
And I think that's a great blotch
on the incredible country that we all love.
It's a great, great, horrible mark.
You know, sometimes when President Trump speaks,
he sounds like he's choosing the next words
on his predictive text.
(laughter)
You know, like... you know when you try to write a message
based only on what your phone suggests?
That's how... That's exactly what he sounds like.
He's like, "Nancy Pelosi, or... as... I call her, 'Nancy,'
"is a... great blotch
"on this country,
and a tremendous mark."?
(laughter)
And by the way, I don't know
if Nancy gave Trump a wedgie behind Congress one day,
but she did something, because she's the only person
he hasn't given a nickname to. Everyone else.
He's like, "Cryin' Chuck Schumer."
"Little Marco Rubio."
"Pocahontas Elizabeth Warren."
"Lying Ted."
He's like, "Nancy Pelosi, or as I call her, 'Nancy.'"
(laughter)
(applause and cheering)
And while... and while they're fighting
about where President Trump is going
to deliver his speech to the country,
by the time this whole thing is done,
there may not be a country to deliver it to.
Day 33 of the government shutdown.
WOMAN: The situation is growing much more dire.
800,000 federal employees still not receiving pay.
MAN: IRS employees say they expect absences to surge
as part of a coordinated protest
that could slow or stall taxpayer refunds.
MAN 2: Coast Guard families barely
getting by without paychecks.
TSA is making a plea for 250 volunteer officers
who would deploy to airports
struggling with the excessive callouts due to the shutdown.
NEWSMAN: FBI agents sound the alarm
over the shutdown.
They say serious damage is being done.
The FBI Agents Association said
it cannot pay confidential informants,
and so they're losing valuable information
about terrorists.
All of that is not good news.
Especially the part about the FBI.
'Cause the FBI can't do their job.
They can't pay their snitches anymore.
Yeah. That means that the snitches
-can't even afford stitches. -(laughter)
Who needs a Band-Aid? That would leave a scar.
You know what would be genius, though?
Is if the FBI is saying they can't pay informants
or go undercover just to get criminals to drop their guard.
'Cause that would be a brilliant move.
Be like, "Oh, we have no money, so we're not there anymore."
Yeah. Like, gang members are gonna be like,
(Latino accent): "Hey, man, are you a cop or something?"
He's like, "No, man. Didn't you hear about the shutdown?"
"Oh, yeah, yeah. McConnell, man.
"They offered DACA protections, but it's not enough, man.
"All right, come on in. This is where we keep the cocaine."