that you thought you never have to leave home with Mom again
well think again at the population ages elderly parents
everywhere moving in with their children and changing everything
David Morgan along with share a block row when your parent moves in
and he addresses these concerns with me today thank you so much
fair time David shell studies have shown in the past couple years the numbers are
starting to rise at elderly parents moving in with their children and it
seems like this trend is going to continue to go
up well I started noticing this happening about seven years ago
my way for the time came to me and said I don't think my mom can live on our own
anymore
what would you think about her moving in with us and I think
any responsible husband is gonna say yes to something like that right away
which is what I did and a you know a Liz I'll tell you
we had some really bumpy times in the beginning you know because we didn't
play in the south
we can sit down prepare for we just dove right into it
in that was in its a whole wealth of information out there
it when I thought that was really very little to a couple articles here in
there
so that's what I call it sure block and I said look there needs to be a guide
people are doing this doing it the way that we did you just jumping in there
not preparing for it
and the results can be disastrous I make it can be a very very difficult
situation if you don't plan for this properly
now this multi-generational living is happening
more and more by there because the economy were
living much were living in parts of the seventies
eighties now as opposed to fifty years ago we are living up to are fifties
so it seems to be happening more more in the train is going up it's not going to
stop
so what are some ways that children can prepare for this or maybe even
aging parents how can they prepare but moving back in with their
kids well a first I would say get a cut get two copies
when a parent moves in you read one and have your parent read the other one
at least that way people can understand what it's really going to be like
in our heads we walk around with this backup plan
if something ever happened to Mom or Dad I'll just have her move in with me
in reality when they actually comin live
in your home in that they're every day it's a very different situation
you know arm there are things that you don't think about
and usually make this decision at a time crisis you know something happens mom
falls dads in the hospital
everybody kind gathers in this corner and says you gotta move them into your
house
and they don't think it through it's so important sit down and plan this thing
out know what you getting into
what would you say are some other top concerns or areas that you should look
at and be prepared that
your life will be affected with elderly parents million
well think about arm the dynamic the role reversal
you're in your home raising your children mom or dad move in
how are they gonna fit into that family dynamic its gonna dinner together every
single night
when you sing around the couch watching TV with your kids
do what your mom or dad or do you want your mother-in-law
sitting in the room with you every single night to you are you prepared for
that depends on the relationship you have I guess with your and while
yeah arm and that's a good point what I found is the relationship I had with my
mother-in-law
was somewhat superficial are you doing how's the weather
Miami nasa kinda relationship you have with you not see each other very often
when you're living together you've got to get to know each other
I'll tell you a little story about how one in the beginning all I thought about
what's happening to me how is my life being infringed upon
what is the burden this being placed on me then I started thinking what's
happening to her
what did she give up no I was talking with my wife at the time
and she said for each used to love in her yard she put all these things out
decorated and manicure the lawn into all those great stuff
so I went upstairs and I printed this official deed to the backyard
and I D deter the backyard I said it is now yours
to do whatever you want with it any up here came to RI
she was thinking right he gets me he knows it's not just all about him
that was the moment we connected as human beings and that's the
only way that you guys can live together if you think it's gonna be superficial
what'll happen is someone will be in the middle way if it's your father in law
and each wife you never touched your father in law about him smoking on the
porch
you gonna go to website he's got a cut that out George can see you know he kind
is when
back and forth and summons in the middle and it's a terrible dynamic
and you it's not sustainable now often in our society females are looked at
at the caregivers females in the scenario AKA would be the
daughters do you see that general still being played out
absolutely it always comes down to the daughters
and I'm allow time to doctors feel you know in our case what would happen if
you had
my wife taking care for mother most the time cuz she had some health issues
her sister live down the street so she would come see had all the daughters
doing
all this work especially when she got sick they be in ships
that Sun would only come by to say what's happenin
you know and in a lot of ways you know he got all those glory you know he was
praised all my boy a while the girls are there diligently working
and that dynamic happens you a lot you know it's pretty much the standard
what are some ways to help balance that
are keep your parent in their home for as long as possible
that's what every expert will tell you it's better for them to stay in their
own home
the idea of moving them in sounds good on paper
but in reality especially if they have health issues
when I say is that I can bring you a blanket I can take your temperature
I can make you soup but I can't help you with long
difficulties or if you need real medical attention
and that's what a lot of people think when they move in with their kids
that their specially the daughters are gonna be like their nurses
and they get very frustrated because they can't really give them
the care that they need so I can you wanna think this thing through before
you dive into it
so they're definitely struggles when coming to terms with this but let's talk
about
give me a good thing what what is the benefit with a positive
there are different ones a good things and that's why I just how I I
waved the red flag so people prepare if you preparing you sit down and say let's
have dinner together
twice a week let's make sure you maintain you get your space we have ours
the stock about this
up front the relationship between grandparents and grandchildren
is you know very special relationship in our case a kid's little and they would
come you know they put on those shows for gramma playing guitar
you know she's to go to a lot more of their plays in things because she was
there
so there's an opportunity for the grandchildren to have
more time gramma grand arm
there's a great opportunity for you to connect with this person
who you might have lived either a superficial or a
that relationship were you're the mom in I'm the daughter and you tell me what to
do and i'd
do would be grudging Lee you know you can become friends on an even level
and that's one of the nicest things when I became friends with my mother-in-law
and I go have coffee would hang out with talk like equals
that's when it was a good sustainable dynamic and that's when she sensed that
I need some
space with my own family not that she wasn't
family but %um that nuclear family I needed some that time in
eventually we got there we could've we could've been a lot less bumpy if I have
a book like this when I first started at the key strengthen family bonds don't
weaken it
thank you so much author David harkin Pamyu when your parents and thank you
you