- Hi, everybody.
♫ It's finally Friday
and I'm so excited, and it's cooling
down in L.A., so I'm gonna
♫ Hit the road a-runnin, let the good times roll,
♫ Roll, roll.
Hooray!
So, it's Friday.
♫ It's finally Friday!
And I'm on Facebook, so if you asked
your questions using the hashtag #KatiFAQ,
I've already been on, so I've answered some.
You might want to check that out,
'cause I've already answered a lot of questions
and responded to a lot of you.
So, for any of you who are like,
"Kati, you never get to my question!"
I'm sorry, I'm only one person.
I need like 25 thousand of me
and then everybody could get all the questions
answered they want.
But until we figure out human cloning,
you're stuck with me.
Just one.
Okay, so I have three questions
as well as a journal topic,
and thank you, Jovana, for that.
Oh, I hope I said that correctly.
She was like, her name is spelled J-O-V-A-N-A
and she's like, "It's pronounced like Yovana
with a Y," which makes sense.
So I hope I did that justice.
Okay, I tried to do a variety of questions,
but a lot of them were eating disorder-focused
and I know some of you get frustrated with that,
but it just depends on what questions happen
to roll in, and even when I scrolled through more of them,
a lot of them were eating-disorder focused.
So I have two eating disorder questions
as well as one kind of dealing with judgmental people.
So hopefully all of these are helpful.
Question number one: "Hey Kati, I'm in recovery
from my eating disorder, and I'm trying
to motivate myself by looking to a future
where things don't have such a negative effect
on my life, but I have a friend
who used to have an eating disorder
and she still does things like only drink
sugar-free versions of things, and it worries me
that I'll actually never be free
of these thoughts and behaviors.
Is full recovery to the point where
all those thoughts and behaviors are gone
possible or will I always have to struggle with this?"
(gasps)
Now, I don't think I'm breathing enough.
I'm like...
(inhales sharply)
But I honestly thought this was a really,
really, really good question because
it's a concern people have.
Will the thoughts ever go away, or will I always have them
but I'll just be strong enough not
to give in to them or I'll have these tools I use
or what is it really like?
Is that possible?
And the answer is yes, it is definitely possible.
Now, what that is contingent upon is
whether or not we actually put in the nitty-gritty,
shitty, dirty, horrible work.
Am I right?
Can I get an amen from people?
Therapy is really fuckin' hard, and there's
no better way to say it.
I could sugarcoat it and be like,
But therapy is such a wonderful process or something.
No, it's really fuckin' hard!
If you're working on the stuff
that you have to work on,
which inevitably means we're making like
personality changes of sorts, like I don't really
like the fact that I get really angry easily
with this person, so I'm working to change that,
and it is hard!
It's not easy.
This is something that has taken years and years
and years and years and years
to develop, and then we're trying to change it.
So it doesn't happen like
It takes time, and it's horrible, hard work.
But if we put in that in-the-dirt, horrible, shitty
digging-through-things, trying to figure it out,
getting frustrated, trying it again,
if we put in that work, full recovery
from any of our mental health issues
is completely possible.
Is it something that's wonderful
and exciting and easy?
No!
But it's so, so worth it, 'cause I can even
tell you from personal experience.
Now, I'll talk out of professional and personal.
Working in my own therapy to recognize
my own traits and things I don't like
about myself and having the knowledge
and the insight to notice when I'm doing it
and try to change my behavior
has given me nothing but amazing results:
better friends, better relationships,
it allowed me to meet and marry the love
of my life, Sean, and be able to be
strong enough to let that happen in a good way,
if that makes sense.
Because otherwise we end up recreating
things that have happened in our past
that we maybe don't really want to have happen,
again, if that is making sense.
So, in order to
fully recover from what it is we're
trying, whether it's even just depression,
anxiety, if it's just a frustration with a co-worker
or a family member or whatever,
working on it in therapy, talking with someone
about it, doing the hard work means full recovery.
So yes, you can have full recovery.
I even have...
I mean, I worked in eating disorders clinics
and a lot of the therapists that I worked with
were recovered people, and they'd been
recovered for many years, and they had no,
none of the traits that you're talking about,
like only eating certain things, or...
They ate what they wanted.
They eat when they're hungry.
They stop when they're full.
And they led a healthy lifestyle.
You can have that too, okay?
I hope that was helpful.
Sometimes I feel like I ramble.
I'm sorry.
I'll move on.
Okay, question number two.
"Hi, Kati, here is my question for you.
Is it possible to have a true eating disorder
without really having body image issues?
I generally feel pretty okay about my body,
but I binge and purge to deal with stress and anxiety.
It's been getting a lot worse lately,
and I'm thinking about getting some help."
That sounds really great.
"But I don't know if I should
go to an eating disorder therapist
or someone who specializes in anxiety.
I feel like I don't really fit into
any of those boxes and it's super confusing.
Thank you."
I thought this was great.
I get a lot of questions about like,
I don't quite fit into this, and what if I do from not...
I think it might be partially my depression
or partially my anxiety or partially...
You don't have to fit a certain criteria
to struggle with something and to get some specialized help.
I'm just gonna put that out there first.
Now for this specific question,
body image and eating disorders
don't always coincide.
That's why BDD, body dysmorphic disorder,
which I have a video on,
says that it can't otherwise be attributed
to an eating disorder.
So BDD happens on its own, separate from eating disorder.
Also, if you go back and you watch
my other videos about anorexia and the diagnosis,
like all the diagnostic criteria,
bulimia, ED NOS, binge eating disorder...
When I talk about all those, they don't require
us to have a bad body image.
It could be a part of it, but you don't
have to have it in order to get the diagnosis.
Often times diagnoses are...
And I know each one is a little bit different,
but some are like, you need two out of three,
or you need four out of seven of these criteria.
One of the criteria may be a bad body image
or an unhealthy view of one's self.
I forget how they even verbalize it in...
They're all so different now.
But that doesn't have to be one
of the things you have.
You could have all of the others,
or four of the others, or whatever it is,
to meet the criteria.
So for this person's question in particular,
no, you don't have to have body image issues
to have an eating disorder, and yes,
I would definitely seek out the help
of an eating disorder specialist.
Okay?
Question number three: "Hey Kati, what's the best way
to deal with nasty, judgmental girls who are always
in little cliques at college and won't leave you alone?"
Ugh, those bitches!
I thought this was a great question,
because of the fact that we all run into these people,
and sadly sometimes some of us may look back
and be like, I was one of those people!
And it's important to know how to deal
with difficult people, because, as terrible
as this sounds to say, we run into them
no matter how old we are.
I still run into nasty, judgmental bitches
all the time, and it just is life.
Some people live in a dark place,
and so they spurt out their poison
all over everybody else.
But we don't have to take it!
And the way...
There are a couple things.
And this is honestly just some advice
so that you can protect yourself,
as well as personal experience.
I'm kind of melding them together
in this question.
So the first thing that I always recommend
to my clients is, if you are able,
and it's something you can work on progressively,
'cause it's hard: Don't respond.
Don't give any kind of notice to them,
don't make eye contact, don't look at them
if they make snarky comments towards you,
pretend you're doing something else.
If they keep shouting your name, be like,
Oh, huh?
Oh, sorry, I never listen when you speak.
That's the truth, 'cause you shouldn't.
Nasty people don't deserve our attention.
They don't deserve any of our energy.
And I find the more we ignore them
and the less response or reaction we give them,
the more likely they are to move on to something else
or someone else.
Now, we don't want them moving on
to someone else, but it's not our job
to teach them a lesson or to tell them to stop
or any of that stuff, because in my experience,
that just eggs it on.
Am I right?
So, first thing, don't give them any attention,
any energy.
Don't respond.
Fight to not respond, okay?
And always think, I'm killing them with silence.
I'm killing them with silence.
So that's the first thing.
The second part is killing them with kindness.
And I know this sounds really even more ridiculous
and hard, but that's why the first one, try that first.
If that doesn't work, you can just be so nice
and this is my personal experience.
I used to be so nice when people
were really mean that it, like, frustrated them
and they couldn't take it and they, like, ugh!
And they didn't understand.
(startled noise)
And they would go bug someone else.
So if someone is gonna be nasty, cliquey,
judgmental, make you feel out of place,
try to make you feel bad or embarrass you,
you can be like, You look so nice today.
I really like that sweater.
It doesn't matter if you believe it or not.
What we're trying to do is to
get them to not bother you anymore.
So that will be my advice.
And if possible, since this is in school,
please tell an adult.
Tell them what they're doing.
See if there's a way to not have classes with them,
to be separated from them,
to get them reprimanded for what they're doing
and the hurtful things they're saying.
Yeah, if you can get adults involved,
if you have the option and you don't feel
like it'll be taken the wrong way,
or you've done it before and the adults
didn't respond properly, if that hasn't happened
I would definitely seek that out as well.
And if any of you have helpful tips and tricks
on how to deal with judgmental bullies
and just jerks in general, let us know
'cause we all can learn from one another, right?
That's what's so great about this community.
Okay, journal topic: "Hey Kati, my therapist
gave me the I'm Okay, You're Okay book,"
Which is a great book.
"By T.A. Harris, and I read one of
many amazing quotes there. And this quote is,
'We can hate evil so much that we forget
how to love good.' And I think it's just perfect
because we live in such a terrible world
full of wars, killing, molesting, etc.,
that we literally forget to cherish those small,
amazing things that happen each day
and make life worth living."
And I know I do journal topics like this a lot,
but I think it's very important for us
to take time during our day to just
revel in the beauty of life.
Simple, little things, like today I saw a guy
playing with a puppy in the park
and I was like, aww, it's a puppy.
And it's so cute, and just taking the time
to just notice simple little things,
like a budding flower or a puppy, a baby,
whatever makes you happy,
like, wow, there was no line at Starbuck's
and I got my latte with no problem.
Or whatever it could be.
I hit all green lights.
All those things are beautiful and wonderful
and make your life better and easier
and the more we focus on those,
the less likely that dark cloud is to, like, bug us
and, you know, hang over us all the time.
Have a wonderful weekend.
I'll see you all on Monday,
and on Tuesday I'll be on Tumblr,
so ask your questions there using the hashtag #KatiFAQ.
Bye!