Take a break from your classic Nickelodeon
and get ready to do what Ninten-don't,
'cause we're taking a walk on the wild side.
[intro music plays]
Hello internet, welcome to Game Theory.
Today we're exploring the good, the bad,
and the ugly of the Sonic franchise to see
what its cute cast of critters can teach us
about their real-life counterparts.
Are hedgehogs really the fastest things alive?
What the heck is an "echidna", anyway?
And, if there's time, we'll dig deep to look at
some of the forgotten members of Sonic's extended character roster.
So, let's dive right in.
What do we know about Sonic?
Well, he's blue, wears GNARLY shoes,
has about five or so spikes on his back,
and can run REALLY fast.
How fast? Well, let's let his theme song do the talking.
♫ Sonic, he's the fasting thing aliiiiiiieeiiiiive! ♫
So, I think it's safe to say that most of you watching
know that hedgehogs can't be blue
and have more than just five spines on their backs.
More like 5,000.
You also probably know that they aren't the fastest.
That title goes to the cheetah at 70 mph on land,
the peregrine falcon in the air at 185 mph,
and the sailfish underwater at 68 [mph].
But obviously a cheetah can run faster because it's bigger with longer legs,
so what if we took into account
the relative size of each animal?
Maybe then the hedgehog is the fastest?
Well, it's a nice try, but no dice.
Accounting for size, the winner is-- the cockroach
because it can run 50 times its body length
every second.
That's like a human running at 185 mph.
It's a scary thought.
That's not to say that hedgehogs are slow, though.
Unlike cheetahs that can only run in short bursts of time,
hedgehogs have terrific running stamina,
making around 4.5 mph,
which turns out to be about 6.6 times their body length every second.
Definitely quick for a small guy,
but hardly the fastest thing alive.
So, here's a quick quiz.
What do Samus from Metroid and Sonic the Hedgehog have in common?
I'll give you a second.
[one second]
Ready? They're both female.
[dramatic pause]
Surprised? Well, you should be, 'cause it's a lie.
The real answer is that they can both curl up into tiny balls.
That, and they both appear in Super Smash Bros. Brawl
and have lots of creepy fanart dedicated to them,
but that's beside the point.
Beginning in Sonic 2, Sonic is able to rev up into a rolling spiked ball,
and this, of all things, is something hedgehogs CAN do.
Not rev up, but as a method of defense,
the animal's two back muscles can pull the spiky skin over its belly and face,
creating a prickly ball.
In extreme circumstances, the hedgehog can also roll to attack.
Though, in most cases, it'll just choose to run away.
So, it appears there is something accurate about Sonic's characterization after all.
What about Knuckles?
The games teaches us that echidnas are
gliding, wall-crawling animals that can dig with massive spiked fists.
Should we trust them?
Similar to Sonic, Knuckles really only has one attribute in common with his brethren.
It's the digging.
Found in Australia, echidnas have long claws that they use to burrow and forage for food,
but these claws don't come close to matching the design of the red guardian of the Master Emerald.
Like the hedgehog, they too are covered in spines, earning them the name 'spiny anteater',
and use rolling into a quilled ball as a defense mechanism.
But the echidna is much more than a hedgehog wannabe.
Sega left out the most unique characteristics of the species, and for good reason.
First, their rear legs are backwards.
You heard that right.
Their front feet point forwards, and their back feet backwards.
It's to help them dig faster, and it must work because they date back to the dinosaurs.
But they also get even weirder.
Like their closest relatives, the platypus, echidnas are monotremes,
which means that they're mammals that lay eggs and hatch their young.
The echidna and the platypus are the only two animals in the world to do this.
Finally, and I'm sorry to bring this up,
but it's just so odd that it had to be mentioned--
[sigh]
They have a four-headed penis.
[silence]
Enough said.
In any case, replacing a four-headed penis with the ability to glide--
I'd say it's a fair trade.
Well done, Sega!
[transition]
Since there's not much time left, let's do a speed-run
through some of the overlooked members of the Sonic menagerie.
Ready? Go!
First, Tails the adorable mutant.
What type of a fox is he?
According to Absolute Anime, he's a fennec fox, but I disagree.
Let's compare pictures.
Fennecs are known for their oversized ears and black-tipped tail.
Tails' ears are proportional to his head, and his tail has a white tip.
His coloration of red-orange, white-tipped tail, and vertical oval pupils
all point in the direction of him being a red fox.
Second, Rouge the buxom bat, Knuckle's rival/love interest.
I guess no-one told her about the you-know-what.
Or maybe they did. Ha!
Anyway, is there such a thing as a white bat?
Absolutely!
Take away the Boostie-Yay and hooker boots--
there's plenty of creepy fanart to do it for you--
and Rouge looks like a dead-ringer for the Honduran white bat,
a snowy white fluff-ball with yellow nose and ears.
The Honduran white bat has also been said to have inspired the Woobat from the newest strain of Pokemon.
Next! How about Espio the Chameleon, ever heard of him?
No?
Well, he had the power to change into all sorts of 90's-tastic colors in Knuckles' Chaotix.
So, can a chameleon turn purple?
According to National Geographic, yes,
they can change into practically any color.
Chameleons have layers of special pigment cells under their skin called chromatophores.
The top layers are red and yellow,
the bottom blue and white.
Signals from the brain tell these cells to either grow or shrink, which causes a mixing of the pigments,
much like paint, and can take as little as 20 seconds.
Finally, we come to Storm the albatross from Sonic Riders. Ha! Yeah, we're REALLY digging deep.
He's the big, dumb, but fiercely loyal member of the Babylon Rogues, an avian group of thieves.
Real albatrosses are similar.
They're known to live in colonies with other birds, so flying alongside a hawk and swallow in the Sonic games is accurate.
And, unlike other animals, they are very dedicated to their partners,
as shown through the lifelong pair bonds they make with their mates.
As far as being big and dumb, the giant albatross has the largest wingspan of any living bird
BUT these wings give them some trouble with takeoff and landing, making them look really silly.
And that, my friends, is all you ever needed to know about Sonic's zoology, bringing us to my final thought.
It's common to hear gamers mourn the loss of Sonic.
With more emphasis on supporting characters like Rouge, the Chaotix, and the Babylon Rogues,
and the increasingly desperate attempts at reinvention,
many consider Sonic to be one of the most beaten dead horses in the gaming industry.
And bizarrely enough, real life offers deep insight into this.
The first Sonic game was released in June of 1991.
Sonic and Knuckles, considered by many to be the last great sonic game,
came three-and-a-half years later in October of 1994.
The average lifespan for a hedgehog?
I kid you not, three-and-a-half years.
But let's take it one step further.
The Dreamcast games, Sonic's triumphant jump to 3-D, were also very well received,
with Sonic Adventure 2 being the last before the waves of odd design choices and bad reviews hit 'em in the aughts.
Adventure 2 was released ten years after the original.
Is it a coincidence, then, that the maximum lifespan of a hedgehog is nine years?
Art imitates life, unintentionally.
Anyway, that's just a theory! A Game Theory! Thanks for watching!
[endcard music - Flying Battery Romance]