-The governor of Flordia berated a bunch of high school students
for wearing masks while Fox News continued
to attack President Biden's response to the Russian
invasion of Ukraine and criticized him
for not singing "Happy Birthday" at the State of the Union.
For more on this, it's time for "A Closer Look."
[ Cheers and applause ]
If you want to be a successful Republican
politician these days, you have to follow
"The Donald Trump Playbook," which is being a loud
and obnoxious ass-(bleep) in public.
In fact, if you open the "Playbook,"
it's just his mouth rambling about nonsense.
-People are flushing toilets ten times, 15 times,
as opposed to once.
[ Laughter ]
That's also the first time I saw that.
That's Donald Trump's whole schtick --
a thing that made him a star with Republican voters.
He just goes from town to town
holding his one-man "Wrestlemanias,"
where he just loudly whines and rants,
and his crowd chants "lock them up"
even when it doesn't make any sense.
Just once, I would love for them to chant that
in a legitimately helpful way.
It could be helpful, like when you're going away
for the weekend and leaving your teen son
in charge of the house.
"Hey, honey, what should I do
with all the liquor and edibles?"
-Thank you.
That was helpful.
That's the heart of modern Republican politics,
and that's what was going on yesterday,
when Florida Governor Ron DeSantis showed up
to a press conference at the University of South Florida
and scolded a bunch of high school students
for wearing masks.
[ Laughter ]
[ Sighs ]
All right, well, it's good to be at USF.
-Is it?
[ Laughter ]
Because you certainly don't seem happy to be there.
It's like when I go in for a root canal
and my dentist says, "Hey, good to see you."
And I say, "Yeah, good to be here."
[ Laughter ]
How much of a dick do you have to be
to yell at a bunch of high school students
who are just trying to be safe?
They're actually doing the right thing,
and you're scolding them for it.
You're like an old man who sees a bunch
of innocent teens walking by and screams, "Hey, you kids!
Get on my lawn!
And while you're at it, throw a frisbee through my window!
It's not a trap."
Also, let's just establish the facts here.
DeSantis is obviously wrong, and masks absolutely help
control the spread of COVID.
Studies have repeatedly proven that over and over again,
and the better the mask, the better protection.
Ideally, everyone should have access to high hquality,
high filtration, medical-grade masks like N95s,
KN95s, KF94s, and my personal favorite,
the AC360, which makes the bottom half of your face
look like Anderson Cooper's.
[ Laughter ]
Sure, the top half of my face ruins it.
Also, what the hell is "COVID theater"?
Are those plays where all the actors
have to stand six feet apart?
"I just saw the COVID Theater production of "'Les Mis.'
The stage was the size of a football field."
And yet, it won't surprise you to learn
that he was celebrated later that night
by a host on Fox News, who thought it was hilarious
that he yelled at a bunch of teenagers
who are trying to stay safe and do the right thing.
-Raymond, the best is Ron DeSantis
telling those kids, "Get your masks off."
I love that.
People are all upset about Ron DeSantis today.
Someone has to tell these kids
to push away all of the brainwashing
that they have been subject to.
-What kind of adult laughs at another adult
yelling at a bunch of kids?
What -- If you've ever seen an 80s comedy,
you know it's the opposite.
It's funny when teens get the best of adults.
I mean, if Ferris Bueller skipped school
and the principal found him and suspended him,
that's not a movie.
"Animal House" didn't end with the Dean expelling everyone
and turning the house into a rec center.
In fact, if you recall, Bluto became a senator.
Oh, you don't recall, because you were all born
20 years after that movie came out?
All right.
Well, in that case, give it up for "Euphoria," everybody.
"Euphoria."
There we go.
And that was today's cheap applause line.
The DeSantis tirade was an interesting juxtaposition
with the State of the Union on Tuesday, where Joe Biden
introduced 13-year-old Joshua Davis,
who has Type 1 diabetes and has spent years
raising awareness and advocating for lowering the costs
of insulin and prescription drugs.
It also happened to be the day after his birthday,
which Biden pointed out.
-Joshua is here tonight, but yesterday was his birthday.
Happy birthday, buddy, by the way.
[ Cheers and applause ]
-Or, as Ron DeSantis would say,
"Yesterday was his birthday, not today.
I don't want to see anyone wishing him a happy birthday.
We have to stop with this birthday theater.
Anyway, it's good to be at your party, Joshua."
[ Laughter ]
Imagine how cool it must be to tell your friends
you had your birthday party at the State of the Union.
Although personally, I still think
I would prefer Chuck E. Cheese.
That's just me.
But let's not forget, the State of the Union
did have an animatronic Chuck there,
but I think his wiring was all, like, (bleep) up.
[ Robotic whirring, sizzling ]
[ Laughter ]
Anyway...
In these polarizing times, it was nice to have a sweet,
unifying moment everyone could get behind.
I mean, who could possibly quibble with that moment?
Oh -- Oh, no.
We're about to play a Fox News clip, aren't we?
All right. -The young kid who has --
suffers from the diabetes and needs his insulin.
Loved that.
But again, even there was that missed moment
for humanity, right?
The president says, "And it was his birthday yesterday."
Well, then, clue.
Sing "Happy Birthday."
That's what we do.
Have a human moment.
-Yeah, that's what we do.
We sing "Happy Birthday" the day after people's birthday.
Sorry, this might be the funniest criticism
of a president I've ever heard.
"He addressed the crisis in Ukraine and rising inflation,
but I did miss hearing 'Happy Birthday.'
Look, I'm not saying I needed the whole,
'how old are you now' verse -- that would have been overkill.
But where was the song?
I feel as though -- clue --
we're a country without a leader."
And yet, somehow, that was not the weirdest thing
a Fox News personality said yesterday,
because FOX host Sean Hannity touted what he apparently thinks
is a brilliant idea for a new military strategy in Ukraine.
As you may know, NATO and the US have been explicit
about the fact that they want to support Ukraine
while avoiding direct military conflict with Russia,
since that could very easily spiral out of control
into a massive global confrontation
between nuclear powers.
But Hannity has an idea
to get around all that --
bomb a Russian convoy,
but then just don't tell them who did it.
Why hasn't anybody --
You don't have to take credit for it.
But there is something called a covert operation
with plausible deniability.
Why hasn't any European country stepped up?
They're sitting ducks right now.
Take out that convoy and prevent that massacre.
-That's a brilliant idea, Sean.
We just bomb Russia, but then don't tell them it was us.
And since Russia doesn't have satellites or video cameras
or cellphones or eyes, they'll have no way of knowing.
Maybe we can just paint the "Republic of Updog"
on the side of all of our jets, and then Putin will say,
"What's updog?" And we'll all say,
"I don't know, what's up with you?"
[ Laughs ] And then, even he would have to laugh,
and life will go back to normal.
[ Russian accent ] "Oh, you got me very well."
Also worth noting that things are so crazy,
we barely have time to point out that Dr. Oz was in that clip,
and he's just fully running for Senate.
You see it, and you shrug and think, "Yeah, why not?
Why not? Dr. Oz for Senate. Great."
At this point, if you heard the chief negotiator
between Russia and Ukraine was Dr. Phil, would you even blink?
"Vlad, you need to accept that the person
you're really hurting with this war is Vlad."
I don't have a good Dr. Phil
because there's no such thing as a good Dr. Phil.
The GOP playbook these days
is just being a loud, obnoxious jerk in public.
That's the main thing you have to do in order to succeed
as a Republican politician.
People like Lauren Boebert, Marjorie Taylor Greene,
and Ron DeSantis keep proving that.
And we know who they learned it from.
They learned it from Trump.
It's not a mystery. This isn't a game of...
-Clue.
[ Laughter ]
Not sure about that one. [ Laughing ]
This has been "A Closer Look."
♪♪
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