♪ ♪ ♪ >> Stephen: HEY, EVERYBODY,
WELCOME BACK TO "A LATE SHOW."
LET'S SAY HELLO TO JON BATISTE.
HELLO, JON!
>> Jon: HELLO, STEPHEN.
HOW YOU FEELING?
>> Stephen: I'M FEELING GOOD.
GOOD TO SEE YOU.
AS OF MIDNIGHT TOMORROW, THE NEW ALBUM DROPS.
"JON BATISTE WE ARE."
>> Jon: OH!
>> Stephen: ABSOLUTELY BEAUTIFUL.
AND I LOVE THIS DEDICATION TO THE FRONT.
"DEDICATED TO THE DREAMERS SEERS, AND TRUTH-TELLERS WHO
REFUSE TO LET US FULLY DESCEND INTO MADNESS."
>> Jon: THAT'S RIGHT.
YOU'RE ONE OF THEM.
YOU KNOW, WE HAVE TO PEOPLE OUT HERE WHO ARE FIGHTING THE WAR TO
KEEP TRUTH AND JOY ALIVE.
THAT'S RIGHT.
>> Stephen: I AGREE.
I LIKE THIS "LET US-- WHO REFUSE TO LET US FULLY DESCEND INTO
MADNESS."
JUST THAT-- JUST THAT MUCH MADNESS IS JUST A LITTLE SPICE
IN THE POT.
WE CAN'T FULLY GO.
>> Jon: WE CAN'T FULLY GO.
IT'S ALWAYS GOING TO BE SOMETHING, THOUGH.
IT WILL ALWAYS BE SOMETHING.
THAT'S WHY WE'VE GOT TO KEEP FIGHTING TO KEEP THE BALANCE.
>> Stephen: THIS WILL HOLD BACK THE BALANCE THERE.
WE ARE JON BATISTE.
CAN YOU GIVE US A LITTLE TASTE BEFORE WE GO ON?
>> Jon: OH, MY GOODNESS.
♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪
>> Stephen: THANK YOU, JON.
JON BATISTE, EVERYBODY.
YOU KNOW, FOLKS, BEING A TALK SHOW HOST IS A BROTHERHOOD, AND
A SISTERHOOD.
AND I JUST NEED TO TAKE A MOMENT HERE TO TALK ABOUT A CRISIS IN
DAYTIME TALK, FEATURING A COLLEAGUE WHO I THINK IS GETTING
A LOT OF UNFAIR CRITICISM.
I'M REFERRING TO, OF COURSE, TALK SHOW HOST AND WOMAN
WATCHING YOU PICK UP THE BUFFET COLE SLAW WITH YOUR HANDS, WENDY
WILLIAMS.
WILLIAMS WAS IN THE MIDDLE OF HER SHOW MONDAY, TALKING ABOUT
THE LATEST KIM KARDASHIAN NEWS, WHEN THIS HAPPENED:
>> SHE'S PROBABLY GOT FIVE NEW BOYFRIENDS.
WE HAVEN'T CAUGHT ANYBODY COMING OUT OF THE HOUSE YET BUT, YOU
KNOW, IT'S JUST A MATTER OF TIME.
SHE'S NOT LONELY.
( BURP/FART COMBO )
I APOLOGIZE.
>> Stephen: DON'T YOU DARE APOLOGIZE, WENDY!
THAT WAS AN AMAZING ROOTIN' TOOTIN' BURP-FART MOUTHBUTT
SAMPLER PLATTER!
WENDY WAS SLINGIN' SUCH HOT GOSS, HER G.I. TRACT JUST HAD TO
CHIME IN AND DISH.
ALSO, WHY NOT LET 'EM RIP?
NO ONE CARES!
EVERYBODY'S ALREADY WEARING A MASK.
ALSO, ALSO, I GOT TO SHOUT OUT WENDY'S SOUND TEAM.
THAT IS A PRECISION MIC SETUP.
HOW DID THEY TECH THAT?
"MS. WILLIAMS, WE JUST NEED TO DO A QUICK MIC CHECK.
WOULD YOU MIND FARTING TO TEN?"
BUT HERE, HERE IS WHERE STEVE-O COMES TO THE DEFENSE: AS A
FELLOW TALK SHOW HOST, I KNOW THAT GOING LIVE TAKES A LOT OF
GUTS, OUT OF WHICH SOUND SOMETIMES COMES.
MY SHOW IS, ON MOST NIGHTS, PRETAPED, WHICH MEANS I HAVE THE
LUXURY OF EDITING STUFF OUT.
AND I CAN'T BELIEVE I'M ABOUT TO DO THIS.
I CAN'T BELIEVE THE COURAGE I'M ABOUT TO SHOW.
BUT, JIMMY, LET'S DEMONSTRATE TO THEM THE MOMENTS WE EDITED FROM
LAST NIGHT'S MONOLOGUE.
WELCOME TO--
-- "A LATE SHOW."
I AM YOUR HOST, STEPHEN COLBERT
DEMOCRATS HAVEN'T DONE ANYTHING ABOUT THE FILIBRUSTER--
( FART )
TONIGHT.
( LONG FART )
MARTIN FREEMAN, BUT WHEN WE RETURN--
( FART )
STICK AROUND.
I KNOW, PRETTY EMBARRASSING.
I SAID "FILIBRUSTER."
YOU STAY STRONG, WENDY.
WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH EARVIN "MAGIC" JOHNSON.
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