why did the guy with confidence issues buy himself a sauna so that he could give himself
a steam self-esteem get it that was a horrible joke that was bad i'm sorry but i do want to
talk to you about confidence because it is one of the most attractive things you can possess
it's one of the most important qualities that women are looking for in men and it affects how
you carry yourself the decisions you make and how you relate to other people and you better
believe that this carries over into the bedroom as a sex and relationship coach i see firsthand
all of the time how poor self-confidence destroys men it destroys relationships it prevents us all
from finding the incredible and fulfilling and exciting connections that we deserve
and it has the ability to seriously mess up all the good things that we have in fact if i could
summarize my coaching and my career in a single word it would be confidence and helping my clients
to develop it now it is totally normal to struggle with insecurities we all do i do it is natural
every once in a while to feel down on ourselves that's not what we're talking about here that's
just like you just signed up for that when you became a human being that's just like par for
the course what i'm talking about here is like deep security knowing who you are the kind of man
you are and what you bring to the table now good news confidence is definitely something that you
can work to build it takes a lot of work but it's worth doing on the flip side there are some things
that destroy your confidence some habits that you're probably engaging in right now that are
tearing your confidence down mean lumberjack just whacking away at your confidence on a daily basis
and i am here to help you stop so that you can regain your confidence in an authentic way without
having to do a whole bunch of work amazing i am caitlyn v your sex and relationship coach
and your confidence guru for the next several minutes and today we're going over the three
habits that are destroying your confidence and i guarantee they are going to surprise
you now i'm sure you've heard it a million times before that true confidence comes from within
the only person who can give it to you is you and that it has absolutely nothing to do with having
washboard abs or a giant porn star monster [ __ ] a high self-esteem is something you
cannot fake and it's one of the biggest and most important factors in building and maintaining
your best most authentic self now there are tons of ways to actually build confidence
and i have covered a lot of them on this channel so make sure right now that you are subscribed so
that you don't miss any of this amazing skill and confidence building material that i be publishing
every single week and no not all of my videos start with dad jokes okay
number one comparing yourself to other people it has been said and i believe it is a1 truth
comparison is the thief of joy we all get tempted especially when we feel down on ourselves and we
feel like other people around us are thriving it's easy to look around and see other people that we
think are doing better than us and then judge them against ourselves to keep us down by building them
up and whether it is mulling over that that idiot you went to college with landed your dream job or
scrolling through your ex's instagram looking at pictures of her with her big butt and her
new partner it's not doing any of you any favors comparing yourself to other people is literally a
recipe for unhappiness and there are a few reasons for this number one comparing doesn't lead to
changes you comparing yourself to that really tall attractive guy in your office doesn't make you any
taller it literally doesn't do anything positive for you at all with your energy it just drains
it you know we're usually looking at someone else's best features and comparing them to our
average ones and because of this we're not seeing the other person clearly we're not even seeing
ourselves clearly we exaggerate the things that look good about them and we feel shitty about
the things that don't feel good about us secondly it is important to remember that we only see what
people show us i mean social media is the perfect example of this right like you're seeing the
highlight reel of someone's life people are not taking a picture of themselves when they're crying
on their bathroom floor or making kissy faces with their cat probably you see nobody's perfect we all
have countless flaws and insecurity as hell even i'm guilty of this i only show you guys like this
face i don't wake up like this we can pretend i do but i don't chances are that you put
your best foot forward as often as you can and you know that other people are doing the same so when
you compare yourself to others you're not making a fair comparison and seeing the full picture there
so just cut it out you know what i have a pro tip for you the only person that you should be
comparing yourself to is you and not that you from like two years ago or back in college when you
didn't have kids and it wasn't that hard compare yourself to who you were yesterday or seven days
ago and that's it comparing yourself to yourself is an amazing way to build up your confidence
by showing yourself and reminding yourself all the amazing progress that you've already made
so instead of focusing on the fact that you don't have those washboard abs yet
you start focusing on the fact that last week you only ran one mile and this week you ran two
bravo number two confidence destroying habit and i see it all the time in my high performance
male coaching program is negative self talk i cannot stress enough how much the way that you
talk to yourself affects your self-esteem in fact countless studies have been done on the effects
of negative versus positive self-talk and let me tell you your inner dialogue has a huge impact
on your confidence so not only has that research shown that negative self-talk has a massive effect
on our mental health and general outlook on life it's also shown correlations between
negative self-talk and physical performance so if you're engaging in negative self-talk
for example maybe telling yourself that you're not good enough in bed that if you don't nail her just
right she's gonna leave you if you don't figure out how to make her squirt tonight she's gonna
go back to her ex if you can't last long enough to please her then you are a worthless piece of
have you ever had any or maybe even all of those thoughts that [ __ ] is having a negative impact
on your life and i cannot recommend enough in fact i request in fact i demand that you start
to work on it right away because this stuff really really counts you see when you talk
[ __ ] to yourself even if you're just in a passing moment feeling frustrated
it becomes real and that's because your brain doesn't have a bs detector for things that it
says to itself so i may say something to you like you are an incredible man who's completely worthy
of love and sexual satisfaction and with work and effort and concentration you can become the best
lover that she has ever had you might go caitlyn that is bull pucky i am a worthless sack of doo
doo and i will never amount to anything which one of us do you think you're gonna believe so what
can you do about this well when you feel yourself engaging in negative self-talk when you hear it
call it out the first step is always awareness so become aware aka notice when you say something
negative about yourself and take a moment to really reflect on the statement second
put it into perspective so if you find yourself thinking like i'm a failure after a bad date or a
presentation that didn't go well stop yourself in that moment and put some effort into reframing it
you will be surprised how easily i'm a failure and i'm totally undateable can turn into wow
that date didn't go well because you know what we had totally different interests and we didn't have
anything to talk about you know there's a million other people out there so many other fish in the
sea and i'm gonna hit the app again and look for someone who's more compatible so we can have a
better conversation taking a moment to look at the things about you that are worthwhile and
amazing and are worthy of honoring and building yourself up takes work and we all grew up in
a society that doesn't really value that kind of self reflection this is going to definitely
100 promise from you to me or else your money back on this free youtube video this is gonna make a
huge difference in your confidence which brings me to number three which may surprise you and that is
your masturbation habits yes she went there the way that you engage with yourself sexually
may be causing your confidence to crumble i cannot overstress this if you have developed confidence
destroying habits into your solo sessions it will seep into how you see yourself as a man so the
next time that you get an urge to beat your meat i highly recommend that you consider the following
number one are you masturbating with a sense of shame when it comes to self-love aka masturbation
there is no room for shame guilt or remorse i'm gonna tell you something that no one has
ever told you before but it's absolutely true masturbation is a beautiful thing it is a thing
that allows you to connect with yourself it feels great and there's no reason to feel bad
or shame around it like it's not an inherently shameful thing the only reason that you feel
shame is because someone else told you to feel shame sexual gratification is a human need
and if you are bringing shame into this thing you might be doing every single day and you feel shame
or disgust you feel embarrassed about yourself and your needs this destroys your confidence
not just that but it affects the way that you make love to a woman because this is you
making love to yourself so if your routine leaves you with feelings of inadequacy and guilt you can
guarantee that that will transfer into how you approach and deal with sex with others
another huge destroying confidence habit is you guessed it porn now i'm not saying that porn is
bad it can be a tool but just like any other tool there's a right way to use it and a wrong way to
use it the right way is definitely to discover your own kinks and your preferences occasionally
learning a thing or two and getting ideas for stuff that you want to try with a partner
all good but it is all about your relationship to porn because it's very easy to cross that
very thin almost invisible line where it becomes a habit and your porn use can become
compulsive that can lead to actually being a serious problem not just that but porn
also displays super unrealistic images of human bodies like monster [ __ ] and crazy boobs and
altered vulvas that have been like clipped away if you're comparing yourself with what
you're seeing in porn it is going to have a negative effect on your self-esteem go back to
number one habit that destroys your confidence you see masturbation and even masturbating to porn
is an opportunity to show yourself some love like self-love on yourself that maybe got a little bit
graphic but self-love yourself and then when you bring yourself into having sex with a partner
you're doing it from a place of love and not from a place of shame and there is nothing that
destroys confidence or makes you less attractive than shame in and around your body and around
your sexuality and if you deal with this or if you have any other challenges around your confidence i
invite you to apply for coaching like i said number one thing that we do over here at caitlyn v
is help men to feel confident you know your confidence is going to decide whether or not
you get the girl get the raise get the house whether or not you learn how to leather work
or take that camping trip by yourself out in the middle of nowhere to feel like you're a man again
your confidence is the single most important thing and it is going to make a shift in the
trajectory of your life think about it like a ship leaving from london and headed to new york
if you think about each time that you shift your confidence either a one degree difference towards
that target or a one degree difference away from the target in other words you won't notice it at
first but by the time that you accidentally hit you know florida instead of new york because you
made so many shifts down and looked so far down on yourself and your confidence you'll recognize that
the tools that build your confidence over time get you to where you want to go faster with less
corrections and a whole lot less heartache and a whole lot less ending up in florida when you met
new york like florida's great but it's also not new york ask yourself where is it that you want
to go and how can you get there and coaching is the best option if you are serious about
getting there quickly so apply the link is in the description and while you're down there make sure
to click on the link to go follow me over on instagram where i give pieces of advice every
single day and on youtube where i give advice amazing i hope every single week in summary your
confidence depends on you not comparing yourself to others stopping that dang negative self-talk
and developing a self-love habit that shows your self love thank you so much for tuning in
i will see you here next week or over on instagram sending you so much love this is caitlyn v out you