when you're stepping into a leadership role and you have someone on your staff
who's not a team player creates cliques goes over me and straight to my bosses
when there's a problem and whenever when whenever has concerns
voices them among teammates and not directly to me how do I continue in my
role how do I assess myself and how do i tackle this problem biggest thing we got
to do is build a relationship for that person you know you got to get in that
person's head you got to find out what's going on you got to find out you got to
talk to him you got to build that relationship you talking about why
they're going over your head then then you know what when they say well going
over your head because this happens you okay I didn't know that you don't really
get that fixed mmm and you build up a little trust and then they say some
other problem you get that one fixed and then you say hey man you know it's you
know it kind of hurts the team is when you're telling the team things that are
negative and if we could work together to you you tell me what's going on it's
negative and then we solve the problem we're going to do better as a team and
that's that's my goal is just do better as a team
and I see that you're a leader because people listen to you and when you start
saying negative things they start thinking negatively because uses an
influential person and and I the influence you have over people is
something that is going to be can be very beneficial to what we're doing if
you want it to be I want you to want it to be but you know I'm not you you have
that I don't so let's work if you could help me move
this in a positive direction so our team can be more successful that's the kind
of thing I would do here and and the other thing is you know ask them
straight up hey what am I doing wrong as leader what can I do better
where can I become where can I make more things happen so that way and what
you're doing is you're letting down your guard you're letting them given the
opportunity to hopefully be honest with you about what you're doing wrong and
then you can give them you can correct those measures now there is a
possibility this person is jerk and when you say what am I doing wrong they go
back and say these guys even know what he's doing he's just so that's why you
need to take it slowly and you the situation out in and make an
assessment of how they're going to react to these things and build a little bit
of a little bit of leadership capital with that person before you go and say
what am i screwing up because it's go dude Jocko doesn't even know what he's
doing he's asking me what he should be doing so don't the person's a jerk you
have to watch out that so that's we're gonna build a relationship first
hmm it's like building a relationship seems like a very common theme bar
stretching solution it is very much so you know you take the extreme example of
I'm a hostage taker and you're my hostage and I'm threatening to kill you
what are you supposed to do build a relationship with me you want to get me
to see you as a human that's what we're talking about the same thing that's an
extreme example yeah but there's the same thing going on here it's a really
dump by the way I heard this story is on the news I forget how old the girl is
he's a kid though a girl kid and she's all she did was blab to this guy who
kidnapped her and he wound up letting her go there yeah because she said she
built Errol a little this team member that's creating cliques and doing all
the snares up it's cuz he doesn't know you
you know and he's just going I don't know you know Jocko is a mystery to me
he doesn't hang out I don't know I easy that young guy he just V there's a
separation yeah so I'm gonna close that separation I'm gonna blab to him I'm
gonna build a relationship and we're gonna let that little kid go yeah yeah I
remember working the night club where you know you have different bosses
different managers they work different shifts or whatever so one guy Tim is
Matt Gilmore tall tall guy I love that guy he was real I don't know for
whatever he said I could just relate to him you know he was this real nice and
another way he talked was kind of not funny like a comedian but just kind of
even help some people when they talk it's just kind of entertaining you know
every time everyone's although use certain words that's just kind of unique
to them as a guy like to anyway really liked him and so I was hoping and you
usually work on Fridays Saturdays right he was kind of high up and and there's
other guy not gonna say his name nonetheless is this other guy and this
guy he was like the full-on kind where he had this air about him where I'm the
manager of this club kind of thing and on off times if he'd be at like a party
or something that we were cruising or whatever and he'd talk about how yeah
you know I'm in the office doing these sexual things with this person and just
you know real real douchey for like a better world douchey kind of guy and
one-time-use uh there was this rule Lauda's long time ago this is rule you
can't go upstairs there was like three levels in the club so you can't go
upstairs like this high-end kind of lounge you can't wear jeans upstairs
just there's a dress cried into that one yeah now no you would not be welcome
flip-flops and shorts or no you won't even get in the front
apparently so one day on my off night I had jeans on I went upstairs real quick
just to talk to one of my friends okay knots and because he was up there and so
talking and this guy this manager the one I didn't like he was up there and
he'd be like he was okay the rules apply to everyone you know go downstairs so
I'm like oh you know I'm just I will I'm just gonna talk to him he's like the
rules apply to everyone go downstairs like not be nice about it
at all so I'm like alright whatever that's was an example one experience the
next week he comes in on his night off jeans upstairs or whatever and as a joke
not being a dick as a joke I was like hey your jeans on I was working and he's
like he goes you go yeah well my title has a bit more letters than yours does
yeah so what he said to me so no I'm not sure
where we're going with it know that I was gonna say that's an example of him
not building a relationship with me certainly did not
Matt Gilmore witness said that no he was either not he would either compromised
with me the first night or he would he would have laughed at my joke and be
like haha good point whatever or both he probably would have done both yeah