I am so happy to meet you.
I think you're hilarious.
I'm a big fan, and I don't know why
you haven't been here before.
Well I'm so excited to be here, but I'll admit
I'm a little intimidated by your--
previous guest is like an Oscar winner, unheard,
she could have won 30 awards.
Yeah.
I mean, like my biggest achievement lately
is being on Ellen.
[LAUGHTER]
That is not true.
It's being on the show you're on.
That's a big achievement, too.
And then you've been on a lot of shows.
You're doing very well.
Congratulations.
A lot of success for you.
Thank you.
That's nice.
[LAUGHTER]
I'm doing all right.
I just got a physical, and my blood work came back good.
So--
Oh, that's good.
There's something.
That's great.
So all healthy.
That's good to know.
Not all healthy.
Let's not get carried away.
No, I'm in bad shape, but--
Oh.
[LAUGHTER]
Just sort of a general, like, pedestrian-level bad shape,
not like a medical emergency bad shape.
I see.
But the blood work is good?
Yeah, so far.
OK, good.
Do you work out?
Well I've tried at various points, and I recently--
I was like, I'm going to get in shape finally.
I want to see what it feels like to have a strong body.
And I went to this weightlifting gym that I found online.
And when I got there, it was just this guy's garage,
and there was all these, like, jacked guys, like,
pumping major iron.
And immediately I was like--
I really didn't fit in.
I was wearing like gender-neutral yoga pants
from Lululemon.
And I had, like, a little thermos of chamomile tea.
And so instantly I was like, which one of these things
do not belong?
And he had me do, like, strength exercises,
and immediately just went--
he said, OK, you're very weak.
[LAUGHTER]
He said, that's not a judgment.
That's just a fact.
So rather than have you lift weights,
we're just going to have you lift the bar, like,
that you would put weights on.
So I started to do that, but then that was so hard
that my arms started to shake.
And so he took away the bar, and he was like,
we'll work our way up to the bar.
It's more about form.
So I want you to just pantomime the bar.
So then I was just going like this,
but my arms were still tired.
So, like, I can barely bench press the weight
of my own imagination.
[LAUGHTER]
[APPLAUSE]
That's a shame.
That's a rough time.
Yeah.
Well, you don't need to be strong.
You just need to be healthy.
So did you stop going there?
I stopped immediately.
Yeah.
After I couldn't even do this, I was like, I'll do,
like, physical therapy or something.
[LAUGHTER]
Yeah.
That's a good idea.
Thanks.
Yeah.
Are you in a relationship?
I am, shockingly.
[LAUGHTER]
I didn't mean that like I didn't--
I was thinking that you would be, and--
Thank you.
Yeah.
I just-- I, yeah, my girlfriend just moved in with me,
and I'm pretty excited about it.
How long have you all been together?
We've been together about seven months.
And she's wonderful, but she also
has a tendency to give kind of misguided compliments.
She has very specific taste in what she finds attractive.
So, like, the other night, we were getting ready for bed.
And I was looking at her, and I was like, God,
you're so beautiful.
You look like an Italian movie star
from one of those old Fellini movies or something.
And she was like, aw, thanks, baby.
You know, you too.
Like, when you're getting ready for bed,
and you're putting in your retainer, you look like Lurch.
[LAUGHTER]
I swear to God she said that.
And I was like, Lurch, like the butler
from "The Addams Family"?
And she was like no, but in a good way-- like young Lurch.
[LAUGHTER]
As if the issue with looking like Lurch is that he's old,
not that he's an actual goblin.
So that's part of why I wanted to go work out.
Yeah.
Wow.
Well, but other than that, it's a good relationship.
It's great.
It's just that-- yeah.
So seven months, that's good.
Yeah.
Kicking along.
That's not a phrase, is it?
Kicking along.
No.
That's all right.
OK.
I bet she would think it's adorable.
OK.
All right.
Hi, I'm Andy.
Ellen asked me to remind you to subscribe to her channel
so you can see more awesome videos, like videos
of me getting scared, or saying embarrassing things,
like ball peen hammer, and also some videos of Ellen
and other celebrities--
if you're into that sort of thing.
[SHRIEK]
[BLEEPED OUT]