So if you ever see a turd on the ground, just cover it with a paper towel.
Anyway, that concludes your 30 seconds of training. Any questions?
Yeah!
What if someone asks me where an item is and I don't know where?
Oh, it doesn't actually matter if you know where the
Items are or not. You just point to an aisle at the opposite side of the building and run away, like this.
Oh, the blenders are on aisle 7.[footsteps]
Wow, he's good.
Every Walmart ever.
Excuse me.
Hello, how can I help you?
Hi, I'm looking for the baby cribs.
Oh, yes.
Asle 22 between the guns and the children's guns.
Really?!
You know, that's great, 'cause I've been looking for a good children's gun.
Oh... We've got this cute little pink Glock for 40% off.
But you can get it for free if you shoot the cashier on the way out.
*Intense laughing*
Thanks so much.
Of course. Oh.
[whispering]I'm serious though.
Do you sell grenades?
Welcome to Walmart.
Where do they get all these old people from?
I have no idea.
Hey! Where are you taking me?!
Shhh! You belong to us now.
Alright then.
Here's your blue vest. Go f--k yourself.
(snickering)
Hey, Philip?
What?
These shelves are empty, Should I restock them?
Sure.
Uh, what goes here?
Uh...
It's been empty as long as I've been here. I don't get paid enough to care.
So I'm done?
Yeah, sure. Good job.
Thanks, Philip.
[Phillip] Whatever.
I'm not stealing iPods.
You have several iPods in your shirt.
Welcome to Walmart.
Ooh.
Excuse me, this is Walmart. We do have a dress code.
You do?
Mm-hmm.
[This is what happens in Walmart]
[muffled] Where did you store that?
Here. Put these on.
Ohhh, welcome to Walmart.
Thanks.
Why is everyone pregnant?
(raucous fighting)
You're stepping on my shoes, now say excuse me.
Of course there's a fight at a Walmart.
So trashy.
(clearing throat)
Actually, we hire them to fight in here. Every time a fight video goes viral, we get a huge uptick in sales. It's guerrilla marketing tactics.
YEAH! BITE HIM!
GET HER!
YEAH! OH! OH!
YEAH! KNOCK HER OUT!
KNOCK HER-- OH!
Sir. I need you to pay for that.
No.
Yo. Excuse me.
What?
you have this in my size?
Let's go to the kids section.
Thanks.
There you go, kids extra small.
What the hell?!
Aisle 7!
[footsteps]
Where the Hell did he go?
Everything is $2.99 here.
Yoo-hoo!
Yodel-ay-hee-hoo!
Maybe instead of having those mass-produced factory cookies, you like to buy some homemade cookies from a nice mom-and-pop shop.
Mm, smells like a nice cookie.
Wow, I thought Walmart made you guys go out of business years ago.
Nope, as a matter of fact,
they did not. They actually just sort of built around us and didn't even notice us. Please, try a cookie. Please, please, try it?
Wow, these are really good.
Oh boy, Marjory, here comes our first sale in 5 years.
Okay, so how many would you like? They're only $4 a bag.
These are only
3.79.
Yes.
But no child had to die to make our cookies. This is just good old-fashioned homestyle cooking, right, Marjory?
Yeah, no child labor.
- Yeah. - Yeah.
Guess I don't really care though. Thanks for the cookie.
Don't say it. Don't say it, Geraldine. Don't say it. Don't say it.
- F--k! - Oh!
I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I said it.
Every Walmart ever.
Hello guys, thank you so much for watching this video.
And thank you for clicking the subscribe button and the bell button.
Hey.
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