Sadhguru: God made just one more person just for you,
but these days every two years he keeps making one more person just for you (Laughter).
If two happy people meet, then there can be something wonderful could happen between them.
If you just become love - not love somebody; then you will know the nature of love.
Questioner: How do you know that the person you are with is the right person to you (Laughter)?
Sadhguru: Oh! popular, Ahh? It once happened Shankaran Pillai was at the family dinner
and when everybody settled down for dinner, he stood up at the table and announced,
“I am going to marry Lucy who is just across the street.” I hope that’s not the name?
Questioner: No (Laughter).
Sadhguru: Then the father said, “What? You’re going to marry Lucy? She has nothing. She is like a tramp.
You’re going to marry that Lucy?” Mother said, “What? You’re going to marry that Lucy?”
The Uncle – uncles always pitch in in this kind of matters, you know (Laughter)?
Uncle said, “What you’re going to marry that Lucy? Have you seen her hair? It looks fake.”
The aunt, “What, you’re going to marry Lucy? She’s, she’s always painted,
you’re going to marry that painted woman?” The little boy, the nephew can’t be left out.
He said, “You’re going to marry Lucy? She doesn’t even know what is cricket, how can you marry her?”
Shankaran Pillai stood his ground and said, “Yes, I am going to marry Lucy”
Everybody asked in one voice, “Why?” He said, “Because she has no family (Laughter)”
There are no many opinions to battle with (Laughter). So, who is the right person,
I don’t want to take away all the romance from your life (Laughter).
But let me tell you this, there is no right person on this planet.
If you get into that kind of unrealistic mindset, “I have found the right person!”
Oh, you will be soon disappointed. You must understand there is no right person.
First thing is to see whether “I am the right person.” Yes! “Am I the right person?”
And there are no right people in this planet. If you understand,
you have your nonsense, they have their nonsense, we can adjust nonsense, nonsense, go on.
First and foremost thing is; you bring yourself to a place where your experience of life is just pleasant by yourself,
you’re wonderful. Now, let us see what gets drawn to this one.
If you are really wonderful, things will happen in every way I am saying
and this whole thing is an American thing that there is a soulmate somewhere.
God made just one more person just for you.
But these days every two years he keeps making one more person just for you (Laughter/Applause).
Obviously, god is making too many mistakes with you (Laughter).
See, body needs a mate, understandable. Maybe psychologically also you need a mate, understandable.
Emotionally you need a mate, your soul cannot need a mate so soul doesn’t need a mate
nor was some person made perfectly for you, okay?
If you invest a deep sense of involvement, something wonderful may happen,
it’s because of your involvement. Not because the other person is fantastic, no.
Even if you choose a fool, actually it’s easy that way.
If they are not stupid why would they come to you first of all (Laughter)?
No, no, no, I am just being nasty (Laughs). So even if you choose a fool, it doesn’t matter.
If you involve yourself, it can turn out very beautiful.
You chose the smartest person in the universe, it could be a disaster.
So do not think in terms of, you know, whatever this made for each other nonsense.
No, you choose the opposite actually, but after sometime, after a little bit of time,
you slowly start expecting they’re just like you. This is a serious mistake.
Because if one more person becomes just like you, you won’t be able to bear with them for two days.
Nobody is like you and that’s good. Don’t look for sameness.
Not necessary; because of the difference you tangle, not otherwise (Laughs/Applause).
Questioner: Our mothers has set amazing benchmark…
Sadhguru: The moment you say mothers Questioner: Yeah.
Sadhguru: They’re giving a sound ambience of baby’s crying (Laughter), perfect.
Questioner: Just the halo effect I think. Yeah, they have set a quite a
big benchmark of being an ideal wife. However, I or girls of my generation
feel that we cannot be as good as wife our mothers have been.
So should I feel that I am falling short in my personal life or should I feel that I am not
giving enough justice to my marriage once I am married? How should I feel about this?
Sadhguru: You know our center in United States is in Tennessee.
Tennessee is a little, one kind of state, okay? Marie Mackowski, that’s not Romaniam right?
Mary Mackowski got married and after their honeymoon they came home and she
threatened him that she’s going to make a dinner all by herself. I am sorry she (Laughter),
she said she will make dinner for the new husband
and husband came home from work and she served the dinner
and he put it in his mouth and slowly he was chewing on it and went into profound thought.
Then she was very excited about this dinner and she said,
“There are only two things my mother taught me how to cook, the meat loaf and the apple pie.
Then he looked at her and said, “Darling, which one is this (Laughter)?”
So your mother or your grandmother, how they made good wives, largely it was believed
the way to a man's heart is through his stomach.
Today your husband will call “Uber Eats” (Laughs) and whatever “Quick pix,” and this and that
and “Swiggy's” and whatever, all right (Laughs)? So you can’t make a good wife
based on how your grandmother became a good wife. You can’t become a good wife based on
how your mother became a good wife. Situations have changed, expectations have changed. Hmm?
It's not in the stomach anymore. For some it’s gone up into the head, for some it’s gone further south
(Laughter). Yes, so you don’t do that.
Essentially, what a husband and wife means is because you’re not geared most people are not geared.
Very few people in this world are geared to make this journey a life all by themselves.
They are organized enough within themselves totally.
They never feel anything missing in their life because they’ve made themselves like that.
But most people need somebody else to lean on. Either emotionally, psychologically,
there are needs in a human being. Physical needs, psychological needs, emotional needs,
may be social needs, economic needs, variety of needs. To fulfill these needs,
you want to find one person that you can depend on because it’s very difficult even to find one person
who, with whom you can share everything that you have. Your body, mind, emotion and the works.
So this is the idea. Formulizing it is, so that every time you get little some little friction you don’t fall apart
so little tying up, so that things don’t fall apart very easily, alright? Nothing else.
The biggest mistake humanity made was they started saying marriages are made in heaven.
That’s why it’s such a mess (Laughter). No, it’s done here.
If you see marriages are made between us, and we took responsibility for who we are,
oh, we could have made it work and the damn thing is made in heaven (Laughter), not suitable
here because it’s a alien stuff (Laughter). Everything is a mess
because you think it’s made else where by somebody else.
If you understand it’s made by you for your well-being, to fulfill your needs and your purposes
so that you can go through this journey of life with least amount of trouble and friction,
then you would handle it more responsibly, isn’t it?
And according to contemporary needs, not how your grand mother did her marriage.
You can’t do it that way because expectations and situations have completely altered themselves.
So if you hold somebody, who is your friend and who is your need you must understand.
You’re in this relationship because you need. Maybe the other person also needs but that’s from their side.
As far as you are concerned, you made this relationship because you need it badly, isn’t it?
If you understand and you’re always grateful for this that somebody is fulfilling all your need,
you would handle it well. You wouldn’t make a misery out of it, but now you think somebody else needs you,
then you’ll make a mess out of it. You understand you need it,
well the other person also needs to understand he needs it. Now, there is a cohesion.
If you think, “Oh, you need me, so I am going to exploit you,” no, this is not about
you squeezing happiness out of somebody or they squeezing happiness out of you.
If two happy people meet, then there can be something wonderful happening between them.
But you’re a misery and you think somebody else should be the source of your happiness, well, it’ll multiply.
Questioner: In this materialistic age, the real feeling of love is disappearing from our life.
Most of the love we receive from others and express to others is superficial.
How can we reinforce the real feeling of love in our own life and in others?
Sadhguru: Forget about others. If you, if you learn to be loving by your own nature,
not because of somebody else or something else, I know the question is coming from Facebook,
there’s enormous possibility (Laughter). You can even love those people who don’t even exist.
So I am saying it’s a tremendous possibility. So (Laughs) if you just become love,
not love somebody then you will know the nature of love. If you love somebody, it’s a fickle happening
because no human being will happen hundred percent the way you want them.
Every human being on this planet is going to disappoint you, believe me,
not because they’ll do something wrong because nobody can fulfill the unrealistic expectation
you have of them. It’s simply not possible. Have you been able to fulfill anybody’s expectation
I am asking you entirely? Partially, but never entirely, isn’t it?
Believe me whoever comes, I want you to know the ideal people whom you worship,
when Krishna was there, his wives complained (Laughter), all right? Love is not a relationship.
A relationship is a different thing. Love is a certain sweetness of your emotion.
Whether you look at a tree or a dog or a man or a woman or a child or just at the sky,
why can’t you look at it lovingly? Because it’s not about loving the sky, it’s about the sweetness of your emotion.
If your emotions are sweet, whatever you look at, you will look at it in a certain way.
Right now, you have nasty emotions, whatever you look at, you look at it in a different way.
So, you have always associated love with somebody.
No, no, no, this is not about somebody; love is not something that you do,
it is something that you can become. If you’re willing,
you can become love, you can make your emotion into a very sweet space.
Okay, If you make… if you make your body very pleasant, it becomes pleasure.
If you sit here, it can be great pleasure just sitting here and breathing.
If your mind becomes pleasant, we say this is joy.
If your emotions become pleasant, we say this is love.
If your very life energies become pleasant, we say this is blissfulness, this is ecstasy.
If your surroundings become pleasant, we call that success.
Now you’re calling your success with somebody as love, that’s a mistake.
You have a success story with somebody, you’re calling that love; no that is actually success,
because that needs lots of management. But for you to be loving, there is no management.
If you just make your emotions sweet, your emotions are sweet and it’s beautiful to be like this.
It’s not about anybody. If somebody comes, we can share it.
If nobody comes, you can sit here with the eyes closed and still be loving, what’s the problem?
It is not about somebody, it’s not an action.
It is not something that you do, it is something that you can become (Applause).