[MUSIC]
- Stacey?
That's me.
And you're?
Uh-- Dav-- id?
- Melvin. - Melvin!
Melvin.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I-- I knew that.
You're really 5' 10".
Hm.
That's what's up.
Yeah.
Welcome to The Capital.
We're running an election special
with two signature drinks.
We've got the 'Bama Rama, a crowd fave.
It's a heady dose of class and charisma
followed by crippling depression once it's gone.
And then we've got the 'Peachment, which gets everyone
all excited and riled up, but just, ultimately,
is a total waste of time.
We'll take two sweet teas, extra sweet,
one water, one club, and come bring out some spinach dip.
Did you want something, Steve?
Steve?
David?
Plus, solo vacations are for lonely women.
I like sharing Ubers and eating off people's plates.
We need more choices.
The two-party system just isn't working for us.
It's here to stay.
This country doesn't have the bandwidth for more.
This election is a joke.
If I want to listen to people lie,
I can go over to my mama house when my stepdaddy get in late.
Aren't you exhausted?
It's only 9.
I got another hour until my bonnet comes out.
I mean of complaining.
It's all you've done tonight.
I mean, you might single-handedly
be the reason why this country hates millennials.
Stop, Keisha.
You embarrassing us.
Oh ho, I see what we got here.
You damn drunk fool.
You're one of those men bothered by a Black woman
speaking her mind.
I'm one of those men bothered by anyone willfully unbothered
by this wet paper sack of a country
we're all stuffed in right now.
Cuz only the strong survive.
You're impressively vapid.
Look, if you want somebody that's going to wear Warby
Parker glasses, and eat salmon, and stop
parking in the veterans-only spot at the Home Depot,
I ain't her!
I am my own woman with 10,000 followers on Instagram.
I can put links in my stories!
And call me vapid all you want, but Jaleel White has called me
out by name on Twitter twice.
So I must be doing something right.
You and your bleeding heart can go march on Washington
with Mark Ruffalo and eat wild caught salmon together
until Lauryn Hill shows up to anything.
I'mma do me and eat my farm-raised tilapia in peace.
DAVID: I went to prison for four years.
Selling and transporting.
I came out stripped of my voting rights,
effectively disenfranchised.
I literally don't count.
You do.
You have a chance to get in good trouble.
Necessary trouble.
But instead, you park in the veterans-only spot
at the Home Depot.
Judging you.
You say this election is a joke,
but, last I checked, a pandemic obliterated this country
in a matter of weeks, voter suppression is raging,
and there are still children in cages.
Excuse me if I just don't find any of that to be humorous.
You didn't have to bring the babies into this.
Let me ask you something, Stacey.
What are you looking for?
5' 10" minimum, two baby mama maximum, good teeth--
Let me rephrase.
What are you looking for in the head of state?
Oh.
Oh, I-- I--
I guess I just want somebody who's real.
Who help the people that really need it.
Like, people with 50 Instagram followers.
How are they even walking around?
- Stay focused. - Right!
Right, right, right.
It's-- it's all too much to think about.
I guess that's why I just shut it off.
Like, the education system is crazy.
We have underpaid teachers and underfed babies risking
their lives going into schools that
don't even support them on regular days, let
alone a pandemic.
It's just too much.
It's too much.
The taxes we pay go to politicians
you can vote into office.
Some of these elections are decided by a handful of votes.
A handful.
They use their power to make decisions that directly
or indirectly affect you.
So when you choose indifference, you
choose to surrender your power.
And take it from someone who lived in a cage for four years.
You don't want to surrender that.
Well, for once, she's speechless.
I wasn't planning on thinking tonight.
You didn't mention you were woke in your profile.
Most women just want to know my height.
Y'all ask for that a lot.
So they just stripped you of your voting rights?
Mm, look at Jim Crow.
The system's not broken.
It's working the way it was always meant to.
Now, it's time to change it.
Well, Melvin, I want to know more about that.
And you.
But before we get into it, what's your sign
and do you pay rent?
DAVID: Wha-- what?
STACEY: Cuz, I mean, like, I have a thing
that like Virgo just like--
DAVID: What apps are you using?
STACEY: --I just can't.
What's your landlord's name?
MUSIC