Supper's ready! C'mon ya'll, I've been slavin' over this for hours!
Dear Lord baby Jesus
Or as our brothers to the south call you "Jesus"
We thank you so much for this boutiful harvest
of Dominoes, KFC, and the always delicious Taco Bell.
I just wanna take time to say thank you for my family
My two beautiful, beautiful, handsome, striking sons - Walker and Texas Ranger.
Or "TR," as we call him.
And of course my red-hot, smokin' wife Carly, who's a stone-cold fox.
Who, if you'd rate her ass on 100, it would easily be a 94.
Also want to thank you for my best friend and teammate Cal Naughton, Jr. who's got my back no matter what.
Shake and bake!
Dear Lord baby Jesus, we also thank you for my wife's father Chip.
We hope that you can use your baby Jesus powers to heal him and his horrible leg.
And it smells terrible and the dogs are always botherin' with it.
Dear tiny infant Jesus . . . - Hey, um, you know sweetie . . .
Jesus did grow up. You don't always have to call him "baby."
It's a bit odd and off-puttin' to pray to a baby.
Well, look. I like the Christmas Jesus best and I'm sayin' grace.
When you say grace, you can say it to grown-up Jesus or teenage Jesus or bearded Jesus or whover you want.
You know what I want?
I want you to do this grace good so that God will let us win tomorrow.
Dear tiny Jesus and your golden fleece diapers with your tiny, fat little balled-up fist . . .
He was a man! He had a beard!
Look, I like the baby version the best, do you hear me?!
I win the races, and I get the money! - Ricky.
Finish the damn grace.
I like to picture Jesus in a tuxedo t-shirt.
'Cause it says, like, "I wanna be formal, but I'm here to party too."
'Cause I like to party, so I like my Jesus to party.
I like to picture Jesus as a ninja fightin' off evil samurai.
I like to think of Jesus, like, with giant eagles wings and singin' lead vocals for Lynard Skynard
with, like, an angel band. And I'm in the front row and I'm hammered drunk!
Hey Cal?
Why don't you just shut up. -Yes, ma'am.