>> Stephen: YOU KNOW, FOLKS, IT'S AN HISTORIC DAY, WITH THE
PRESIDENT FACING IMPEACHMENT.
AND HE COULDN'T HAVE DONE IT WITHOUT THE HELP OF HIS PERSONAL
LAWYER AND SOFT-BOILED AMERICAN, RUDY GIULIANI.
GIULIANI JUST WON'T STOP GIVING THE KIND OF LEGAL HELP THAT GOT
TRUMP IMPEACHED.
IN FACT, HE JUST GOT BACK FROM YET ANOTHER TRIP TO UKRAINE AND
HAS BEEN ALL OVER THE MEDIA, PUSHING "INCREASINGLY CONVOLUTED
CONSPIRACY THEORIES ABOUT THE BIDEN FAMILY AND UKRAINE."
BUT RUDY SWEARS HIS UKRAINE TRIP WASN'T A POLITICAL HIT JOB
AGAINST THE BIDENS.
>> YOU LOOKED INTO UKRAINE BECAUSE BIDEN WAS RUNNING FOR
PRESIDENT >> COMPLETE LIE
I LOOKED INTO UKRAINE BECAUSE IT WAS THROWN AT ME.
>> Stephen: THAT MAKES SENSE, YEAH, IT WAS THROWN AT HIM.
I BELIEVE THAT BECAUSE EVERY TIME I SEE HIM ON TV, I WANT TO
THROW SOMETHING AT HIM.
TRUMP WAS FULLY ON BOARD WITH RUDY'S FICTION-FINDING MISSION.
REPORTEDLY, THE MOMENT RUDY LANDED, TRUMP CALLED HIM TO
ASK, "WHAT DID YOU GET?" AND RUDY REPLIED, "MORE THAN YOU
CAN IMAGINE."
( AS TRUMP )
SO A 21-PIECE McNUGGETS?"
WE HAVE NO IDEA WHO ELSE RUDY MAY HAVE BEEN TALKING TO LATELY,
AND NEITHER DOES HE, BECAUSE HE'S ALSO BEEN MAKING MULTIPLE
BUTT DIALS TO REPORTERS.
I'M NOT SURPRISED RUDY DIALS WITH HIS BUTT.
THAT IS WHERE HIS BEST IDEAS COME FROM.
AND, AND--
WE'LL BE HEARING MORE ABOUT RUDY'S CONSPIRACY TOUR OF
UKRAINE, BECAUSE HE'S BEEN PUTTING TOGETHER BOTH A 20-PAGE
REPORT AND A DOCUMENTARY SERIES.
I CAN'T WAIT TO SEE WHAT'S IN THERE.
AND I WON'T HAVE TO WAIT, BECAUSE JOINING US NOW LIVE VIA
SATELLITE IS THE PRESIDENT'S PERSONAL LAWYER, RUDOLPH
GIULIANI!
MAYOR GIULIANI, IT'S GOOD OF GOOD TO SEE YOU AGAIN,
MR. MAYOR.
>> COMPLETE LIE!
SORRY, THAT'S A REFLEX.
GOOD TO SEE YOU, TOO, STEPHEN.
>> Stephen: MR. GIULIANI, TODAY'S IMPEACHMENT VOTE
HAPPENED IN LARGE PART BECAUSE OF YOUR DEALINGS WITH UKRAINE.
SO WHY DID YOU TRAVEL THERE TO DIG UP EVEN MORE CONSPIRACIES
ABOUT THE BIDENS?
>> SHHHHH!
STEPHEN, ALL I CAN SAY IS I HAVE REASON TO BELIEVE THAT NOT ONLY
DID HUNTER BIDEN TRY TO RIG THE 2016 ELECTION.
HE ALSO RIGGED THE 2016 OLYMPICS AND THE 2016 "NICKELODEON KIDS'
CHOICE AWARDS"!
BLAKE SHELTON WAS UNCONSTITUTIONALLY SLIMED!
( LAUGHTER )
FOR IT.
NOW, I HAVE TO ASK ABOUT A DAMNING STATEMENT YOU MADE THIS
WEEK.
DID YOU REALLY ADMIT TO REPORTERS THAT YOU PUSHED TRUMP
TO FIRE THE AMBASSADOR TO UKRAINE BECAUSE SHE WAS STANDING
IN YOUR WAY?
>> OF COURSE I SAID THAT, STEPHEN!
I SAY EVERYTHING!
BUT YOU CAN'T PROVE THAT I MEANT IT.
SCIENTISTS HAVE NEVER ESTABLISHED A CREDIBLE LINK
BETWEEN MY BRAIN AND MY MOUTH.
( LAUGHTER )
UNDERSTAND THAT.
BUT-- BUT, SIR-- BY THE WAY, WHERE ARE YOU RIGHT NOW?
IT LOOKS LIKE YOU'RE BACK IN UKRAINE?
>> STEPHEN, I CAN'T DISCLOSE MY LOCATION.
IT WOULD JEOPARDIZE THE SECRET MISSION I'M CURRENTLY ON HERE IN
UKRAINE.
( LAUGHTER )
A MEETING WITH A HIGH-LEVEL CONSULTANT.
GOOD MEETING.
LET'S HAVE A FOLLOW-UP.
( LAUGHTER )
REALLY DRINKING?
>> A COMPLETE LIE!
I'M MERELY UNCOVERING EVIDENCE.
NOW, LET'S GET TO THE BOTTOM OF THIS.
( LAUGHTER )
SPEAKING OF EVIDENCE, YOU SAID YOU FOUND "MORE THAN YOU CAN
IMAGINE."
CAN YOU SHARE ANY OF IT RIGHT NOW?
>> OH, STEPHEN, THAT WOULD BE A DISASTER!
SO HERE WE GO!
( LAUGHTER )
EVIDENCE HIDDEN INSIDE A TRASH CAN NEAR BURISMA HEADQUARTERS.
LOOK AT THIS!
A-HA!
>> Stephen: OKAY, THAT LOOKS LIKE A HALF-EATEN TUNA SANDWICH?
>> EXACTLY!
I'VE ANALYZED THE BITE MARKS AND NOW HAVE REASON TO BELIEVE THAT
HUNTER BIDEN CAN TRANSFORM INTO A CAT!
( LAUGHTER )
SORRY, THERE IS JUST NO WAY THAT'S TRUE.
>> STEPHEN, IT WILL ALL BECOME CLEAR WHEN YOU SEE MY NEW
DOCUMENTARY SERIES.
ROLL THE CLIP.
>> I AM HUNTER BIDEN!
I LOVE CORRUPTION!
>> VERY, VERY, VERY DISTURBING.
>> Stephen: THAT'S JUST OVERDUBBED FOOTAGE FROM THE
MOVIE "CATS."
>> COMPLETE LIE!
>> Stephen: I'M SORRY, IS THERE SOMETHING WRONG WITH YOUR
EYES?
>> THEY'RE TRYING TO ESCAPE MY HEAD SO THEY DON'T HAVE TO
TESTIFY BEFORE CONGRESS.
THEY'VE SEEN TOO MUCH!
>> Stephen: OKAY.
OKAY, MR. MAYOR, I'M OVER HERE.
YOU CAN HEAR MY VOICE?
OKAY THERE, YOU GO.
MR. MAYOR, GIVEN TODAY'S IMPEACHMENT VOTE, DO YOU STILL
THINK THERE'S ANY WAY-- I'M SORRY.
I'M GETTING A PHONE CALL.
IT SAYS IT'S FROM YOU?
>> OH, NO.
NO!
THAT'S A BUTT DIAL.
DON'T ANSWER IT!
MY BUTT HAS BEEN TURNED AGAINST ME BY THE BIDENS!
( LAUGHTER )
THAT MEAN?
>> MY BUTT HAS BEEN WORKING BEHIND MY BACK!
( LAUGHTER ) ( APPLAUSE )
NO, NO, NO.
IT'S BEEN CALLING REPORTERS WITHOUT MY PERMISSION!
YOU NEED TO BELIEVE ME: MY BUTT IS A CONSTANT SOURCE OF LEAKS!
( LAUGHTER )
>> Stephen: I BELIEVE YOU.
I WON'T PICK IT UP.
>> NO, WAIT, DO PICK UP!
BUT DON'T TELL MY BUTT YOU'RE TALKING TO ME.
THIS >> Stephen: OKAY.
HELLO?
>> WHAT'S HE SAYING?
ANYTHING ABOUT THE BIDENS?
>> Stephen: NOTHING.
IT'S JUST SOME MUFFLED NOISE.
>> OF COURSE.
THAT GUY'S A DRUNKEN (BLEEP).
>> Stephen: THANK YOU, MR. MAYOR.
>> COMPLETE LIE!
>> Stephen: RUDY GIULIANI, EVERYBODY!
WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH CHARLIZE THERON.