- My name is Robin Tran and I am transgender,
and that is a coincidence.
(audience laughs)
Someone always thinks that I transitioned
for one pun and that's not why I did it.
(audience laughs)
I get asked a lot of annoying questions about my transition.
I get asked a lot about the surgery.
I'm so sick of people asking me
if I'm gonna get the surgery.
'Cause look, I don't know what you think
I have underneath my dress,
but I'll tell you what I don't have
is a hundred thousand dollars, so.
(audience applauds)
One thing I don't like about being transgender
is that people want me to be
some kind of hero for the cause.
They want me to be brave and
I don't want to be any of that shit.
I just want to be a shitty transgender woman.
That's my goal in life.
(audience applauds)
I just want to be a transgender woman
who starts shit for no reason, you know?
Walk into a store and be like, excuse me,
but why doesn't your women's restroom have any urinals?
You know, it gets really...
(audience laughs)
Oh.
It's a joke.
I want to be the first transgender woman in history
to get bottom surgery for a bigger penis, so.
(audience applauds)
Should have groaned at that one.
That's where you groan.
(audience laughs)
I came out to my mom and that was
really, really hard, you know?
I'm sorry, I mean, emotionally it was hard,
but I mean more logistically,
because she doesn't speak any English
and I don't really speak Vietnamese.
So it was literally logistically difficult
to come out to my mom.
We're sitting in the car one day and
I just go, Mom, in Vietnam,
do they have people born boy, brain, girl?
And she goes, what?
Born boy, brain girl.
And she goes, okay, I don't know.
Some time.
And I go, okay, me that.
And she goes, no.
I go, yes, mom.
She goes, no you not girl, you boy.
And I go like, mom, boy, girl.
And she goes, no, you boy, you lucky
because boy is good and girl is bad.
(audience laughs)
And I go, why?
And she goes, I don't know.
(audience laughs)
This is going on for like 45 minutes.
Boy, boy, boy, we're just yelling at each other.
Eventually I got through to her a little bit
and she goes, okay, I understand.
But to me, I still see you as boy.
And I go, okay, mom, you see me as boy.
I sad, I kill myself.
(audience laughs)
And she goes, oh, you girl.
I'm like, yes Mom, exactly.
(audience applauds)
Man, I hope no one steals that joke.
(audience laughs)
Vietnamese transgender comedian, is gonna come out.
Speaking of suicide...
(audience laughs)
I did not think that was gonna get a laugh,
but honestly, so, I actually thought about
suicide for almost every day for like twenty-five years.
I thought about killing myself almost every day.
And then two years ago I found the right doctor
and the right medication, and I'm cured.
I have not thought about suicide for two years now.
No depression, it's is the greatest thing.
(audience applauds)
It's actually, it's really, sincerely
the best thing that's ever happened to me.
The only downside is that this means that
2020 is the greatest year of my life.
(audience laughs)
And I couldn't tell anyone.
It was like winning the lottery on 9/11, you know?
You can't really, you can't celebrate too much.
Why are you smiling?
I swear to God, it's not that.
I promise you, it's not that.
It's been really a weird readjustment period.
You know, being depressed my whole life
and then not depressed anymore.
I feel like depression is like a friend
that is like holding onto me, you know?
And it won't let go.
'Cause it's like, come on Robin, we're friends,
and I'm like, no depression, get off me.
I can't be with you anymore.
Come on Robin, let's just smoke weed and
watch professional wrestling for nine hours a day.
Come on, please, let's do it.
No depression, I can't watch wrestling anymore.
I've watched all of it.
I've watched all of wrestling.
(audience laughs)
Come on, let's just, let's just jack off
at four in the afternoon and take a nap.
Come on, it's fine.
We can do it.
No depression, get off, get off.
No, Robin, Robin, noooo.
Depression.
And I'm like, oh my God, oof.
Oh, depression's finally gone.
I can finally breathe, I can finally relax.
Then I hear...
(Banging sound)
I'm like, who's that?
Is that depression?
It's like, hey, it's me, it's ambition.
(audience laughs)
I'm sorry, ambition, I don't think we've ever met before.
What do you, what do you want?
You got to do something with your fucking life, Robin.
What did you say to me?
I gotta do something with my life.
You're 35 years old, Robin.
You gotta do something with your life.
Ambition, can I kill you too?
Yeah, but if you kill me, then depression comes back.
I'm like, oh great.
All right, ambition, what do you want me to do?
What do you want me to do?
It's like, I don't know, I'm ambition, I'm not direction.
I'm like, oh.
(audience applauds)
Thank you.
I am Vietnamese, and I must say that
I do not like Vietnam war movies
that are made by Americans.
I hate all the Vietnam war movies.
Born On 4th of July, Platoon.
You know why I hate them?
Because they just use like dead Vietnamese bodies
as like a prop to show how sad some white guy is.
You know what I'm talking about?
I'm watching like one of these Vietnam war movies,
it's a village of just slaughtered Vietnamese children.
Like it's the worst shit you've ever seen,
and it goes right to an up close of like
Tom Cruise's sad face, and he's crying
and you're supposed to watch that and go,
oh my God, poor Tom Cruise.
Is Tom Cruise okay?
I'm like watching that going like,
that looked like my fucking niece.
Is she okay?
She looked dead.
Can we go back and see if my niece is dead?
You Oscar winning movie.
Can you imagine if we did that shit to white people?
If there was a movie of just
a sea of dead white children
and it shows an up close to some Vietnamese guy's face
and he just goes, yikes.
Ew, mm mm.
(audience laughs)
Oh, before I go, I must say that I
came out as a, I came out six years ago
and I gotta be honest with you guys
being a girl fucking sucks and I shouldn't have done it.
(audience applauds)
I went from being a chubby dude to a fat bitch over night.
You know what I mean?
I'm Robin Tran everyone, thank you so much.
Have a good night, thank you.