chuckle from your experience or observation how does one learn humility
and on top of that talk about gaining more self-confidence
so this here was actually two questions mm-hmm two questions one of them how do
you learn humility and the other one is how do you gain more self-confidence of
course I paired these together because there's a dichotomy in those two right
them if you have a bunch of self-confidence and you're not being
humble and if you're being too humble then you don't have self-confidence so a
good analogy of this of course what we were just talking about jujitsu because
when you start jujitsu and we'll turn this into a metaphor for life when you
start jujitsu you very quickly learn number one that you can get beat that
you're not everything that you thought you were right and at the same time you
start to gain confidence I mean it's it makes you more confident because you
realize that as you have knowledge it's the things that other people don't know
and so it's the same thing with life because if you're in life and you step
out into the arena right you're gonna realize that you're not you don't know
everything that's something you're gonna realize and the more that you realize
that you don't know everything the more it humbles you but also in a in a
reverse way actually makes you more confident because now you're gaining
knowledge because you are stepping into the arena so it's like with jiu-jitsu
when you spar and your role you're gonna get tapped
yes but the more you do it the more confident you get and the more you
accept the fact that you don't know everything you don't like the question
before like what are you embarrassed about
how'd you embarrassed in the sport don't be embarrassed
go there and get tapped out good you're learning you know and and that's what
you have to do in life if you want to gain humility and you want to gain
self-confidence in life you have to get on the map right you got a step-up
in lead you got to step up and talk you got to volunteer for the hard job you
got to take risks that's how you're gonna gain the confidence and the
humility because sometimes you're gonna get beat sometimes you're gonna win but
you won't make any of that that progress unless you take the opportunity to step
out on the mat step into the arena step into the cage step onto the stage step
up onto the leadership pedestal mmm that's how you make it work because when
you're humble yes that's what humility comes from you realize that you're not
perfect and you realize that nobody is mmm so it's like that old thing a
walk-in and picture everyone with their underwear on or whatever when you
realize that everyone else is human that increases your confidence mmm do not
look at everyone like they're older they're masters no they're not they're
just other people and so that's what I would do if you want to gain confidence
and you want to gain humility both of them get out there get on the mat get on
the stage or in the game into the leadership position whatever the case
may be and live mmm don't be embarrassed and don't be abusive when you do do well
you know that's it say again that's the thing about jiu-jitsu is the thing about
life you realize you're not gonna be there's always gonna be someone that's
better than you that's okay just be humble learn from it and when you know
that there's other people that are gonna be better than you it's okay you can be
confident what you can do because you know you're gonna be better than other
people mm-hmm yeah we were I was talking with
Greg and Tim today about um about humility so there's like internal
humility and external humility so external humility isn't really humility
it's the guy who's like super respectful when he talks to people and how he talks
but on the inside he's like I'm better than you I know everything and the
opposite is if someone's the opposite they're on the outside he's like hey
yeah like a Conor McGregor like I'm you know I'm the greatest I'm gonna beat him
my timing is dope and all this stuff and how good I am
but on the inside when it comes down when Owens looking when it's time to
Train he's learning from everyone some guy a white belt kids up gives him a tip
he considers that tip is this gonna help me you know so he's his humility allows
him to learn from everybody and you know he ends up being more successful because
of that humility you know and that's like the internal humility that's true
statements you know you know some people they're
like hey I'm I'm not cocky I'm confident mm-hmm
do you think that there's like a difference between there is absolutely a
difference yes absolutely difference and it's a dichotomy because you have to be
confident but not cocky right confidence like you know confidence saying I know I
could I know I could win this match or hey I know I can make this happen or hey
I know I can lead this mission or whatever let's see that's there's
nothing wrong with that yeah cocky is hey I know I can win this and I don't
even need to train okay I know I can lead this mission and we don't even need
to prepare that's cocky and that's wrong right so confident but not cocky it's a
it's a simple dichotomy of leadership which is actually in the book yeah so
yes there is a difference and or you know how sometimes some people they
won't do it necessarily in in terms of being a leader or anything like that
they'll just do it it kind of in life you know these people it's like yeah cuz
they talk about themself all the time or something like that right so in those
cases I kind of differentiated it where a cocky person is gonna talk about
himself and how good he or she or whatever is unprompted confident is
they're gonna answer honestly about how they feel about their preparedness or
skill or whatever but it has to be prompted there are supposed to go out of
their way and be like I am the greatest you know but if they're if someone's
like hey you know honest question do you think you're the greatest and they
really think they are the greatest in their experience or whatever they're
gonna say the honest thing no that's like a confident cocky I was my daughter
said the other day I was considering bringing my daughter on the my oldest
daughter on the podcast cuz people ask about parenting a lot I'm not gonna do
it but you know I was like what kind of
questions would I ask her and I said well tell I was just kind of
experimenting and I said tell people something that they wouldn't expect
about me or something that you recognize about me and one of the things she said
was she heard me talking to someone about jiu-jitsu that didn't know me and
they were like oh oh do you train jiu-jitsu and I said oh yeah I do and
they said are you good and I and I said like I'm alright you know I've been
training for a while so I'm alright and she said I was really like I was
surprised at how humble you were you've been doing jiu-jitsu for twenty years
and you just and you know I said you know you don't know somebody first of
all that person might be better than me yeah that's the reality you know I mean
like yeah yeah I'm really good yeah you know yeah you know what I'm listening to
this and I'm trying to constrain to think in my experience your reaction to
I need you to two questions in that way where so I don't think I've ever heard
you and I've known you for ten years I think maybe eight years or something I
don't think I've ever heard you say yeah I top that guy out I don't think I've
ever heard you say that yeah the if I asked you no no I I can't even I can't
really like picture you saying that yeah I tap alright I tapped him up yeah it's
one of those weird things too because it it you know one way it means something
in another way it doesn't mean anything yes I've been training for longer view
you right a mistake you know yeah exactly that's kind of the point where
it's a grand scheme of things it doesn't matter you're right
but in this immature way that's in a part of that if you've been doing
jujitsu for even a little while you'll have at least this much of it in you
like a kind of thing and I was reading a thing just Penn online a little fun
thing where it was like unwritten rules of jujitsu you don't go and talk about
how you tap this guy out today you don't do that and that's true yeah but the
reason there's an article like that is because it's a small part of but that in
all of us that wants to say you know hey you know maybe with your close friends
you'd be like hey did you get him you know yeah like yeah or you'll come and
tell your wife who doesn't care at all by the way but it's there in you yeah
but with maturity you're not gonna go and say hell yeah I tapped in my okay
you know yeah but with you I mean we're it
especially now we're kind of close I still don't I've never heard you say
yeah I got him I tapped him out even when I remember one time I'm not gonna
say who cuz he's a well-known guy and he came and visited and I will do anything
just beat me I was back when I was a purple belt and then you rolled with him
I didn't see the whole row I saw you guys really gonna ask you afterwards I
was like hey so you know like I all I said was what happened cuz I didn't
remember that's how you'd always ask me you know like hey what happened you know
like how'd it go kind of thing and then so I asked you that and you're like it
sound it really felt like you wanted to say it but it was like almost like you
had this rule almost or something or you were like weird
you were getting after it that's what yeah yeah and I just kind of realized
that I don't think you've ever said that yeah I think that's probably a decent
policy to have yeah I had a guy one time that passed my guard Annie know was near
some somebody passed my guard and held it for about a second and a half and
then stood up and and literally ran around right screaming no this is
victory yeah you told me about that yeah you know it's dream that was really
strange to you but although I wouldn't maybe I'm not saying I would never do
that I might do that as a joke you know but um and I feel where he was coming
you know actually for a while this held me back because people got so intent on
passing my guard that I had to defend it as if I was defending attack yeah
I'm not kidding yeah and so now and then finally like uh probably six months ago
maybe a year ago I just said you know I'm start letting
people past my guard just so I didn't play different parts of the game and so
now I just you know I'm not that concerned about it anymore
mm-hmm people getting all crazy