You know what I hate?
When people hide their true feelings behind "jokes".
- I think that you're a repulsive, pathetic sack of joyless cowardice
who enjoys draining the life of other people to make up for the fact that you have none of your own.
Jokey joke!
- Oh my god, is that how you really feel about me?
- Of course not! I sugar-coated it.
Jokey joke.
- What? You can't just say something horrible and then claim that it's--
- It's a jokey joke. Lighten up, you worthless idiot.
Jokey joke.
I believe in being straightforward.
If I feel a certain way, I'll tell you.
If I'm available, I'll text back immediately.
I have no qualms with enthusiastically expressing the pendulum
of extreme emotions I oscillate between throughout the day.
- Well, I was starving. And then I ate so much, I could like, die.
But then I walked and I felt fine.
- Wow. [sigh] Riveting story. Please, do tell it again.
- Well, I was literally starving.
We're often told that the worst thing you can be is needy.
But here is my hot take. [fire crackle]
I think that the people who turn the term "needy" derogatory
are actually emotionally unavailable jerks who don't want to deal with the reality
that we're all human beings with very valid emotional needs
and the right to express them in our relationships.
[fire crackle] Sizzling hot take.
We're designed to be interdependent.
We're social creatures.
We seek the approval, attention, validation, support, and love
from the significant people in our lives.
And as long as it's not taken to an unhealthy imbalance or forms into some kind of crippling codependency,
I don't think there's anything wrong with being needy.
We all have inherent yet unique needs.
Some people need to feel safe.
- You know, when you walk away without a goodbye,
It really makes me feel like I'm being abandoned.
And so I would appreciate, if you're just gonna leave and go to another room--
Like, are you even listening to me right now?
Some need appreciation.
- Oh! Thank you so much for this mangled lizard!
And most of us need to feel understood.
[muffled nonsense]
- Do you understand me now?
Okay, do you understand?
Having needs is totally normal. And expressing your needs is a vulnerable and harder thing to do.
But that vulnerability makes way for connection, understanding, and a deeper relationship.
Whether that's romantic or platonic.
Now obviously, people's needs and the variations of them are different,
And I think where "needy" gets a bad rep
is when you're met with this imbalance between two people.
And instead of communicating in like a healthy way,
one person, usually deemed the more needy one,
becomes bitter or angry or insecure that the other isn't meeting their emotional needs.
The classic example of this is:
- Why didn't you text me back? - What? When?
- Just now, when you were in the bathroom. I sent you a text and you didn't text me back.
- Oh, I- I didn't know. I wasn't really on my phone. - Really?
Cuz your Instagram activity shows that you liked two cat photos while you were in there, so.
Unless you have our conversation muted, you should have got the text notification.
We all have to realise that our needs are not created equal.
So it's easy with someone who has more needs, like myself,
to make others feel suffocated or overwhelmed.
And something that we, the needy, have to keep in mind
is to not take someone's response time personally,
To respect the boundaries of others,
and to know that this inherent imbalance may mean that we're either incompatible with certain people,
Or that we're gonna have to learn to compromise.
I'm Anna Akana, and I can't believe Congress stayed here for the entire video.
Thank you to Squarespace for sponsoring today's episode.
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