Today, we're going to be talking
about how my family had no idea
that I was gay.
Let's get started.
Hello, my name is Curly Velasquez.
I am a writer, actor, personality.
My family is from El Salvador and
settled in one of the most famous
cities in the world, Hollywood, California.
I didn't really
understand my sexuality as
a kid. I walked differently.
I spoke differently.
I didn't even know that what I felt
had a name until another
boy in my third grade class called
me a slur.
And I was like, "Huh, I guess
there's a name for what I'm
feeling." Not a good name, but
nonetheless there was a name for it.
I realize that being Queer was kind
of punk. I started to, in the
seventh grade, come out slowly to
my best friends and we became
kind of cool where my bullies
would kind of try to use
my sexuality against me, but I would
give it right back. While I was
becoming like a young queen bee at
school, at home, I
was kind of like, I needed to be
quiet. I had to survive.
I grew up in a household that was
very much engulfed in machismo.
Machismo in
Latinidad, is a currency.
You are the man of the house, and
nobody else really has any sort of
say in the home.
The more alpha you are, the
more respected you are.
My dad was a
military man, and the way that
he knew how to communicate was
through violence, and I didn't feel
safe coming out.
I think my mom also didn't know how
to deal with my queerness, but they
didn't know any better, and it was
just a thing of them trying to
protect, truly, this big headed,
little scrawny kid that was out
here thinking that they were Selena.
I always just thought that the only
way that I could ever come out to
them was that I would have to run
away. I had to think of a master
plan. I would write letters to
Madonna in New York,
and tell her that I loved
what she was doing with the community
and that I just needed to be
adopted.
"Dear Madonna, it is I, Curly,
your favorite.
I'm moving to New York because I
need a place to stay as I am coming
out to my parents who might not like
that I'm coming out.
Love Curly." I don't know.
Unfortunately, it didn't really work
out that way.
So imagine this.
It's the late 90s, early 2000s.
The internet is super new to
a lot of people.
I asked my dad, I was like, "Hey,
can we download this?
All of my friends have it.
I would really like to be able to
communicate with them." My dad gave
in. I think he understood that it
was kind of something that was
inevitable. And so we get
the internet, and let's just
say at the time, for
a 12, 13 year old boy,
the internet was the place to be.
So I had heard that this 90s
heartthrob had done a nude photo
shoot, and I was set on finding
these photos, like determined.
I was there, like, I'm going to find
this picture, I'm going to look at him.
I go and I find the picture,
and I start to see a bunch of like
random like pop up windows.
And then it just stopped working
and I was like, "Oh no, what just
happened?" So I remember telling my
dad, "Hey, dad, something's wrong
with the internet. It just stopped
working." And he was like, "OK, son,
I'll figure it out.
We'll see what's happening and
it'll be running shortly, I'm sure."
While I was going through all of
this and searching the internet, I
didn't know that the computer was
keeping track of every place that
you visited on the internet.
No idea.
I go to my room.
I put on my favorite 90s
girl group and I am wearing a giant
T-shirt, high socks
and just like singing going
HAM on my performance.
I hear my dad call my middle name,
"Elsagav!"
Which I knew, "Something's up."
So here I was 12 years old,
no plan, nowhere to go, and
no idea if I was about to have
a home to live in.
I'm about to come out to him,
but I'm wearing like essentially a
dress and like high top socks.
So I walk to the living room and
my dad asked me to take a seat
next to him.
And he's like, "So
I've noticed you've been looking at
some stuff on the internet.
Do you want to tell me what you've
been looking at?" What I remember
was that I started crying and I
started shouting for my mom, like,
"Ma ma!
Mommy!" But my mom,
who's a little chismosa, was also
listening because I think she wanted
in on the chisma too.
This was going to be the day that I
had to really decide whether
I was going to take that step out of
the closet or keep
safe for just a little bit longer.
But I decided, "Let's do
this girl." So my dad was like,
"Are you gay?" And I said,
"Yes, I think I am." I was
still crying and I was
scared and I
didn't want to be gay.
And so my dad goes, "OK.
Go to your room and
we'll talk tomorrow." I think
something clicked in
his head, which is the above
all else, this is your baby.
This is somebody that came out of you,
and you need to love them
and nourish them and protect them.
And so something happened to this
military man, who his whole
life had been told to be hard
and rugged and macho.
He softened up. Suddenly,
I needed help.
I needed an ally, and I'm lucky
that that happened with both of my
parents because they were like,
"This queen is going to need a
little help." My experience
of coming out to my family is very
unique. I wish that it was like
the norm and now I'm kind of like
this full circle moment.
My mom is the one on the internet
now, educating people, getting into
fights with people that she is like,
"They're homophobic. I'm just
letting them know, tienen que saber.
Can you believe this mother?
She doesn't love her kid." And I'm
like, "Mom, that was you!"
But she feels like she's doing her
duty and changing the
world, which maybe she is.
My dad has come to a space now, he's
like, "If I could do it all over
again, I would have you,
the same queer kid, exactly
who you are. Thick eyeliner,
crazy hair, big outfits.
I wouldn't have it any other way."
Here we are because of a 90s
heartthrob and an internet search
history that I didn't even know
existed. Make sure you clear your
search history, alright?
For everybody watching.
Clear it all.
Settle down inside please, quiet
and, action!
But I decided, "Let's do this girl!" And last time. Sorry I missed it.
There he goes. Oh,
yes, he did, yes he did.
And he was like,
"OK, son, I'll figure it out-"
Give it a little kiss, put her back,
bye bye. Yeah.
"I'm going to find this picture.
I'm going to look at him."
Yes.
Let's reset.
Perfect.
Let's reset.
Did you say sleep instead of stay?
Yes.
And, action!
Great. Let's cut, that's a cut.