Dating in this day and age has become something that a lot of us actually really struggle with,
especially if you are going into your thirties. It seems that millennial women are really starting
to feel that dating has become exhausting. So what I want to do is I actually want to give you
six powerful mindsets to be able to have around dating so that you feel that a dating
smart, not hard, and that you're actually getting somewhere with the effort that you're putting in.
Hey, everyone. I'm Renee Slansky and welcome back to my channel. I am a professional dating and
relationship coach. I have been in this industry for, back in 2013 I started, so for quite some
time. I have clients all around the world and I deal with a lot of different women in different
stages of their life. I understand the power of love education of neuroscience, and how to be
able to set you up to be able to date successfully so it leads to a lasting and loving relationship.
That's why in this video, I wanted to talk more about mindsets rather than little practical tips,
like what to text him and stuff, because mindset is a huge part of what ultimately
sets you up to be able to receive a loving relationship that you were deserving of.
So before I jump into those mindsets, don't forget to subscribe, give me a thumbs up and
drop a thanks Renee down below. Okay. The first mindset is this, ask yourself, how do I feel about
this person and do I like them? A lot of the time I've seen women go on dates and they're constantly
questioning themselves, their worth and where they fit into that man's lives. Does he like me?
How does he think about me? Will I hear from him again? What we need to do is we need to flip that,
we need to get out of that victim mentality and we need to take our power back and start asking,
well, do I actually like them? How do I feel when I'm with them?
This isn't about ego or entitlement or thinking that you're better than them. All it's doing is
giving you a sense of control and also a sense of accountability because ultimately, who you date is
your choice. If you're constantly choosing to date someone that makes you feel like crap or leaves
you guessing, then unfortunately, you're actually choosing that. So we need to make sure that you're
in a position to be making decisions from a place of wisdom, because you've actually questioned how
you feel about that person when you're with them. Okay. Another really key thing, number two here,
when it comes to a powerful mindset with dating is this, ask yourself, am I dateable? Now, this is
a huge thing that actually I did when I went through my own transition of basically breaking a
ten-year toxic cycle and then meeting my future husband four months later and getting married
and having the relationship that I was always deserving of. I got to a point where I realized
maybe it's just not the men that I'm dating. Maybe there's something that I'm actually
doing to contribute to the problems and maybe I'm not a very dateable woman.
Now, being an undateable woman doesn't mean that you are broken or that there's
something wrong with you. All it means is that there are some areas that you could be
working on in order to be a more high value partner or more high value date.
Now, don't stress. I've actually done a guide on this. What I'll do is I'll link it down below.
It is a guide/quiz that actually asks you, are you dateable. Answer the questions and it will
give you an indication if you are a dateable person and if you're actually ready to date,
because just because we have a desire to date, oh, there goes my notes, doesn't
necessarily mean that we are ready to date. All right, powerful mindset number three is this,
there is an abundance of high quality men who want to commit to you. Ladies, this is really key. If
you keep going out there thinking that no men want to commit, that all men are toxic. Guess what?
That's what you're going to see and that is what you are going to receive. We live in a world with
literally billions of people. You're probably in a city with thousands, if not millions of eligible,
incredible men. Just because he hasn't fallen into your lap does not mean that he doesn't exist.
A key thing is this, whatever you focus on is what you receive and what you see. Your brain doesn't
know the difference between what you tell it to look for and what it has experienced in the past.
So if you're telling it to only go off, oh there's no men available, all the men are players, no
one wants to commit, well, then that's what it's going to look for. However, if you're telling it,
there are amazing men out there who are handsome, who have chemistry, who want to commit to me,
your brain is going to literally start looking for those men and evidence of those men existing.
So ask yourself, what mindset are you in right now? Is it one of lack or is it one of abundance?
Okay. Mindset tip number four, my status, my past and even my present are not my identity.
If you are somebody who has had trauma in your past, maybe you've gone through a divorce,
difficult relationships, difficult childhood, and you feel like that is a scar that you wear,
you need to be careful that you're not actually making that a part of who you are when you're
in a relationship. Now, I'm not saying that you need to have this mental and emotional
makeover, that you need to be completely healed, we are all a work in progress.
However, don't necessarily take your past and your emotions on as your identity.
You may feel anxiety, it doesn't mean that you are an anxious person who will never find love.
You may have gone through depression, it doesn't mean that you are somebody who is chronically
depressed and will never experience love. We need to separate our who from our do, okay?
Our identity from what has been done to us or what we have experienced in the past.
Receiving love into your life and setting yourself up to date from a place of abundance
is really understanding who you want your true identity to be, speaking that over yourself,
doing whatever work you can to make it a reality, instead of just wishing it would happen.
In order for me to get to a point where I was able to finally meet my husband and have the
relationship that I wanted, I had to do the work for myself. I had to take accountability. I had to
change a couple of things that I thought, things that I was speaking over myself,
but what a world of difference that made, not only to my own self-esteem
and my confidence, but it actually completely changed the dating world for me, because all of
a sudden I attracted more high-quality dates. I had the confidence to be able to set the standard
that I needed to set and then I met my incredible husband who was everything that I ever wanted.
Okay. Mindset number five is this, love is easy. I receive it. I do not hunt it down.
Maybe that is an affirmation that you want to print out and put on your wall.
We are in a generation or in a time in history where we have this stigma attached to dating,
where it's really difficult and really hard because we have access to all these different
apps and resources, yet divorce is rampant and relationships are falling apart. People
feel like it's become something really hard because the dynamics of dating has changed.
So we're starting to create this narrative that love is something that's really difficult,
but it isn't meant to be like that. Dating shouldn't be something that exhausts you.
So we need to make sure that we're telling our brain and our spirit what we want the truth to
be and what we know the truth can be, and that is love is easy. I don't go out and chase it,
strive for it. I actually sit back and receive it and allow it to come into my life. Then what we
want to do is after we've spoken these words over ourselves daily, we want to make sure that we have
actions that actually match it as well. Whether it is not constantly texting that
guy back, because you realize by doing that, you're trying to chase down love,
or whether it is putting your walls down to be able to let love in because you realize
that there is some sort of vulnerability that comes with starting a relationship.
Lastly, number six, a powerful mindset here is this, dating is a process,
it shouldn't be a project. Some of you ladies love to turn this whole dating
journey, let's say, into a project. Who can I fix? What do I need to fix about myself?
It becomes this constant development of either trying to fix the man or fix yourself and it
turns out to be really exhausting. You get love burnout. You get personal development burnout.
Or you basically get into toxic relationships. Dating is a process. It's a process of character
assessment. There are certain things that you should be doing in certain stages to set
yourself up. This is why dating smart instead of dating hard is really key. You may think, okay,
there isn't a method to be able to date a certain way. We should just know what to do. But the truth
is we don't. Unless we're taught, we don't really know what to do. Hence why we really struggle with
love. There is a method. There is the strategy to actually date smart. I've got a whole entire
course on it, in fact. I'll link it down below. There is a way to be able to do this so it feels
like you're actually making your effort equal results instead of just pouring your effort
into everything and never getting anywhere. All right, ladies. I hope that you've taken on
those six powerful mindsets. Let me know which one that really resonated with you.
Don't forget to go and get my free guide, Are You Dateable? It's a quiz as well.
Of course, you can check out my course below about how to be able to date smart over a process of 30
days and literally set yourself up to be able to have success in love. I will see you ladies next
time and don't forget to subscribe, give me a thumbs up, drop a thanks Renee and bye for now.