yes you see if you're feeling this tension or agitation or depression as you rightly say
the mind then goes into a kind of intellectual conversation with itself everything appears in
the when is there's nobody here there's nothing to do etc etc etc but that just those thoughts just
lie like a thin veneer on top of your feeling of depression what is more real to you in that moment
your feeling of depression or the thought that says there's nobody here there's nothing to do
it not the feeling of depression is is your truth at that moment and as you rightly say
going into some intellectual non-dual line of thinking doesn't touch the depression it just
sits like a superficial veneer on top of it so when you feel something like that don't don't
go into thinking don't go into non-dual thinking go go in the other direction into your experience
in the same way that we did this morning you're feeling depressed and just say to yourself I am
aware of my depression but you're obviously aware of your depression otherwise you wouldn't know you
were depressed so you just say I am aware of my depression just say that to yourself two or three
times and and now those words to very gently take you to the experience of being aware you
are already aware so it's nothing new really but it's like then there's not just your depression
there's your depression plus the fact of being aware of it and then very gently you give your
attention to the fact of being aware rather than simply to the darkness of the depression so just
allow it's like allowing a space to open up in you you're not manipulating the depression you're
not trying to get rid of it through some non-dual rationalization you're just looking at the facts
of your experience I am aware of this feeling and this is a feeling it's also felt as a sensation in
the body there's a kind of density or heaviness to the body I am aware of that I am aware of my
depression what is this awareness with which I am aware of this depression will what is it that
lights up this depression rendering it knowable or experienceable it is I I know this depression
I am aware become interested instead of just being interested in your depression become interested in
the being aware of it what is this awareness that is aware of my depression in other words
you instead of focusing on the depression trying to get rid of it trying to find a reason for it
trying to find its cause trying to find its remedy etc just leave it alone say to your depression
okay that's fine you just stay there you just you can be just as you are and just it's like shifting
the focus of your attention to being aware of it become interested in the experience of being
aware rather being interested in the experience of being depressed can what can we shift here
because the depressing is fleeting very much it's not like that but but maybe I can use your advice
on this energy contraction I can see whatever I just use depression as an example energy
contraction agitation whatever it is yes whatever it is because if you if you become interested in
the experience of being aware even when you feel this contraction and density in the body and then
you become interested in the experience of being aware of that and then you ask yourself is the
experience of being aware itself contracted no it is no but it is not my awareness and I really
experience it is your awareness no it is it is your awareness but it doesn't feel like that it's
awareness is it belongs to you awareness who else does awareness belong to if it doesn't belong to
awareness does it belong to a body yeah remaining awareness belongs to awareness yeah that's you
yeah that's you it belongs to you it doesn't feel like that it does you've just said it it but you
said awareness belongs to awareness yeah that's you doesn't it who else does awareness belong to
who else knows awareness are you aware now just yes or no yeah are you aware yeah how do you know
I don't know how I know but you do know you know for absolute certain I am aware what is
it that is aware awareness is aware okay and is that not what you essentially are
I feel there's something behind awarenesses hold in something held in something when you
say I feel that awareness is such-and-such what I feels that what are you referring to I don't
know when you keep using the word I you just said I don't know what were you referring to
it sounds crazy but it's not even like it's my thoughts you know it's just you keep referring to
I am I you've used the word about ten dozen times in the last five minutes what are you referring to
what are you essentially you've been using the word hi all your life you've used the word I
more often than you've used any other word in the Danish language whatever the equivalent is
you must be referring to something what is it that has remained with you all your life
that is worthy of the name I the beingness okay that's what you are that's what you refer to when
you say me or I the being that runs throughout all experience that has never changed that is
present in all states under all circumstances in all conditions irrespective of whether you
feel contracted or depressed or happy or joyful or whatever this I that you refer to as me this
being this oh it's not an inert being it's an aware being that's what you are so that that's
what we call awareness the presence of that which is aware the aware being that I am that is you
but is that one ever contracted no even when a contracted sensation is present is that is
the one that is aware of it yeah the one in or rather that in which it appears that with
which it is known and ultimately that out of which it is made does that ever share
the limitations of this contraction no this contraction is just a little Ripple a tight
little ripple that just passes through this openness and is made out of this
openness so cease being interested in this little contraction become interested in its
reality become interested in what is really there in your experience which is this totally
open unlimited experience of being aware which is the substance or reality of all
your experience your wonderful experiences and your awful experiences and your indifferent your
mediocre experiences so lose interest in this contraction and this depression not by trying
to get rid of them but because something more interesting has grabbed your attention
you know it's like when you like when you fall in love and suddenly all the things that you used to
think about and worry about all the concerns that seem so important and now they kind of recede into
the background because your mind is interested in one thing everything else pay everything and
everyone else pales into insignificance compared to the one you are in love with all you know is
the knowing of your experience that's all you ever know is the knowing of experience that
knowing never disappears it runs constant throughout to all experience it is not the
property of any particular experience although it runs through all experiences it is not limited by
any particular experience be interested in that what is that what is the knowing with
which I know my experience what could be more interesting than that fall in love with that
and and these tensions these depressions these contractions you they will just die of neglect
they won't disappear because we have tried to meditate them away for 30 years or discipline
them or made any effort towards them no it's the opposite it's they disappear just like our debt
problems disappear when we fall in love when we're falling up we couldn't care less how much money
we have in our bank account or whether our cars working or not or whether our what our neighbours
are doing and how much noise the people in the room next door to us are making or any of those
things we're still aware of all those things but we don't worry about them because we're interested
in something so much more interesting so much more lovable that all these all these things they just
slowly fade and then maybe six months later you look back and you think oh what happened to that
depression I didn't notice that he went away I just lost interest in it and it just seemed to
leave me it's like it's like when a headache disappears you wake up in the morning with a
headache you've heard this story before it's like you wake up in the morning with a headache
you have a glass of water and an aspirin and you go for a walk and if you get on with your day and
then sometime in the evening you suddenly remember oh my headache it left me oh I don't know when it
left I don't know why it left I don't know how it left it just it just left you at some stage
well did these tensions these contractions these depression they leave like that we don't we don't
see them disappear but we've become interested in something else something so much more interesting
lovable can I say my mind is arguing with it there's something that's right but
there's also something my mind goes now I say my mind this is language as well might this
thoughts coming up saying the invitation goes to a person who is not there are you aware of
those thoughts yes tell me about the nature of that awareness? spaciousness just tell me
more about that awareness I couldn't care less about the thoughts tell me about the awareness
that knows them pure spaciousness that's good so give that your attention rather than you're
arguing thoughts that your thoughts do their thing over there like the sound of the children's voices
in the distance don't don't tell me about them and don't be interested in them yourself just
let them do their thing in the background be interested in their reality what is true in
your thoughts the only thing that is true in your thoughts is the light of awareness with
which they are known and out of which they are made the source and the substance here
okay thank you