I get a lot of like
I’d hang out with a lot of like weird
European dudes who’d buy me drinks all night
‘Coz they’d be like
‘Oh shit it’s Steve Aoki!’
Or like uhm-
There was one time in fuckin’ Austin
And I was coming across these emos
And there was this girl that was like
‘Steve! Steve Aoki I love you, what’s up man?!’
And I’m like, ‘I’m not really Steve Aoki’
And she was like ‘Yeah you are
Don’t be a fuckin’ asshole, don’t be a dick’
And I said ‘No clearly I’m not Steve Aoki Man
What are you, fuckin’ racist or something?’
She was like ‘Racist?
Don’t pull that fuckin’ Bullshit on me’
And then she went off on me
The last time we played at Pitchfork Festival
This dude from Smith and Westerns
Kind of is like John’s doppelgänger a little bit
And the catering woman had
Kicked him out for sneaking beers to his friends
The day before
So we walk into catering and she sees John and she’s like
‘What did I tell you? I told you to get
The hell out of here yesterday!’
It became this whole thing where John was like
‘That’s just racist’
It was actually pretty funny
Oh yeah I saw the footage it’s pretty hilarious
He’s screwed, he’s had so many crazy second chances
It was kind of like it was written from a sketch comedy thing
You saw it coming up when he had to turn himself in
And he was balling out
Like smoking this big fucking cigar
And then when they gave him a 3 million dollars bail
He just passes out
Hits his head on the table
So is he worried he’s going to get killed in Jail?
That’s why he’s faking an illness?
Cock pushups
One
Just one
All you need is one
We went and bought enemas and then he thought
It’d be funny if he went and ate a cheese pizza first?
And he came out of his room and looked all fucked up
He looked at me and was like ‘Don’t do it’
So I guess he was hungover
Eating a whole cheese pizza
I don’t know how fast he thought that would digest
And then just gave himself an enema
I guess the idea would be that it would absorb immediately
Through your rectum so it’d be like
A line of blow or something
Maybe put some irish cream in there
I mean I’ve always wanted a colon cleanse thing
Apparently it’s not good for you
But I like the thought of that
We’re not particularly actually health conscious
Has nothing to do with the name
There was like the whole John Wayne thing
What that he had the whole 20 pounds of shit in his colon?
Yeah and he had some beef brisket in his
Outer intestine
I don’t know I guess that’s a time machine question?
We should go back and be present for John Wayne’s autopsy
‘Holy shit!’
There’s like the Fox
Area 51 Zapruder film
Of them pulling this beef shit out of John Wayne’s ass
Oh and the warren commission kept it from the public
Yeah Yeah Yeah
Maybe in 20 years
I don’t know if Oliver Stone will be making movies still
But if he was
He should do a three hour epic on John Wayne’s Colon
Well the thing actually comes to life
It’s like a beef alien
Oh that is disgusting
I’m from Washington originally so everybody in Seattle was talking about it
And the essential initial reaction was like
‘Oh but she’s full of shit’
It seems like such a hot button topic
I don’t know how you can answer that question
The problem is when you can take the benefits of something like that
But you don’t take the problems that come with it as well
It’s not really fair
I kept bringing it up
I’d be at a party and be like ’Transracial-
- It was really stupid
But I didn’t think it was a real thing
It totally is a fucking real thing
I didn’t know I was asian until I was 13
Nah maybe a little sooner than that
How is that possible?
Your mum has a crazy thick Korean accent
It hasn’t really come up to me
And then some 8th grader was like
‘Ah this fucking Chinese guy here’
And I was like ‘Chinese?’
Oh Shit I’m fucking Asian I didn’t even know