YESTERDAY, THEY HELD
PRESIDENTIAL PRIMARIES IN FIVE STATES IN WHAT SOME ARE CALLING
SUPER TUESDAY 4 AND WHAT WE'LL EVENTUALLY CALL DAY ONE YEAR
ZERO OF THE BEFORE TRUMP TIMES.
THIS IS "THE ROAD TO THE WHITE HOUSE."
>> I LOVE TO HEAR BABIES CRY.
♪ ♪ ♪ >> Stephen: NOW, ON THE
DEMOCRATIC SIDE YESTERDAY, IT WAS A HUGE NIGHT FOR HILLARY
CLINTON, WHO WON FOUR OUT OF FIVE STATES, THOUGH BERNIE
SANDERS DID CLINCH RHODE ISLAND, THE PARTICIPATION TROPHY OF
PRIMARY CAUCUSES.
HEY, BUDDY!
IT'S NOT ABOUT WHO WINS WANT NOMINATION AS LONG AS YOU HAD
FUN OUT THERE.
HAVE AN ORANGE SLICE.
THE WORD IS THESE LOSSES HAVE FORCED SANDERS TO REASSESS HIS
CAMPAIGN AND LAY OFF HUNDREDS OF STAFF MEMBERS.
SO IT MIGHT BE TIME FOR SUPPORTERS TO STOP FEELING THE
BERN AND JUST HEAD FOR THE HILLS.
( LAUGHTER ) ( APPLAUSE )
NOW ON THE REPUBLICAN SIDE-- DONALD TRUMP SWEPT ALL FIVE
STATES AND PICKED UP SO MANY DELEGATES THAT IT'S LOOKING MORE
THAN EVER LIKE THIS FALL, THE CHOICE WILL BE BETWEEN HILLARY
CLINTON AND DONALD TRUMP, THE MATCH-UP AMERICA DID SOMETHING
TO DESERVE.
( LAUGHTER ) ( APPLAUSE )
I DON'T KNOW WHAT.
I'M SO SORRY.
SO-- SO SORRY.
AND TRUMP HAS ALREADY STARTED GOING AFTER CLINTON.
>> THE ONLY THING SHE'S GOT GOING IS THE WOMAN CARD.
WITHOUT THE WOMAN CARD, SHE'S GOT NOTHING GOING.
SHE'S PLAYING THE WOMAN'S CARD, AND IT'S LIKE GIVE ME A BREAK.
YOU KNOW THE ONLY THING SHE'S GOT IS IT THE WOMAN CARD.
THAT'S ALL SHE'S GOT.
YOU KNOW, IT'S A WEAK CARD IN HER HAND.
IN ANOTHER PERSON'S HANDS IT COULD BE A VERY POWERFUL CARD.
>> Stephen: YEAH, YEAH, IF YOU PUT THAT WOMAN'S CARD IN A MAN'S
HAND, THAT WOULD BE VERY POWERFUL.
ALSO, IT WOULD KEEP YOU OUT OF A BATHROOM IN NORTH CAROLINA.
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) AND JUST LISTEN TO WHAT TRUMP
CLAIMS THIS WOMAN'S CARD ENTITLES CLINTON TO.
>> WELL, I THINK THE ONLY CARD SHE HAS IS THE WOMAN'S CARD.
SHE'S GOT NOTHING ELSE GOING.
AND, FRANKLY, IF HILLARY CLINTON WERE A MAN, I DON'T THINK SHE'D
GET 5% OF THE VOTE.
>> Stephen: YEAH.
CAN YOU IMAGINE ELECTING A MAN NAMED CLINTON?
COME ON.
( LAUGHTER ) ( APPLAUSE )
AND DONALD, AND DONALD CAN SAY ALL THIS PAUSE HE'S PLAYING
SOMETHING CALLED THE MAN CARD.
OKAY.
ALL OF US GUYS GET ONE OF THESE, OKAY.
THEY'RE GREAT.
GET YOU PAID MORE.
ALLOWS YOU TO EXPLAIN THINGS TO WOMEN ABOUT WOMEN.
( LAUGHTER ) AND AS A WHITE MAN, MINE'S ALSO
A "GET OUT OF JAIL FREE" CARD.
( APPLAUSE ) AND SAY--
( APPLAUSE ) AND SAY WHATEVER YOU WANT ABOUT
TRUMP-- AND I DO FREQUENTLY-- AFTER CELEBRATING ALL LAST
NIGHT, HE WAS RIGHT BACK IN CAMPAIGN MODE AT THE CRACK OF
DAWN TODAY.
HE CALLED INTO ALL THE MORNING SHOWS-- "FOX AND FRIENDS," "GOOD
MORNING AMERICA" CNN "NEW DAY" "MORNING JOE," "DORRA THE
EXPLORER."
IT DID GET A LITTLE AWKWARD WHEN HE SAID BOOTS SHOULD BE
DEPORTED.
( LAUGHTER ) NOW, TRUMP HAS BEEN REY SIFTING
FREQUENT CALLS TO CHANGE THE THE TONE OF HIS PRESIDENTIAL
CAMPAIGN, BUT THIS MORNING WE HEARD A DIFFERENT DONALD TRUMP.
>> SOUND PRESIDENTIAL FOR US.
>> I GET MORE AND MORE PRESIDENTIAL AS I HAVE
VICTORIES, ABSOLUTELY.
>> SOUNDS LIKE HE'S LYING IN BED.
>> WHAT DO YOU MEAN?
>> NO, I'M NOT.
( LAUGHTER ).
>> Stephen: NO.
NO, I'M NOT.
I'M NOT LYING ON THE BED.
I'M SITTING ON THE TOILET.
( LAUGHTER ) ( APPLAUSE )
FABULOUS.
( CHEERS ) IT'S FABULOUS.
DONALD TRUMP JUST SHOWED US EXACTLY HOW HE'D SOUND AS
PRESIDENT WHEN HE GETS THAT 3:00 A.M. PHONE CALL.
"WHAT?
A BOMB?
BUILD A WALL AROUND IT.
MAKE THE TERRORISTS PAY FOR IT.
I GOTTA PEE."
AND THIS, ALL THIS WAS AFTER HE HAD ALREADY PHONED IN A DYNAMIC
PERFORMANCE ON CNN.
>> LET'S TALK ABOUT INDIANA.
THAT WILL BE THE BIG STAND FOR THIS SO-CALLED ALLIANCE BETWEEN
KASICH AND CRUZ.
DO YOU HAVE THE ENERGY TO TAKE THEM ON?
YOU SOUND PRETTY BEAT THIS MORNING?
>> YEAH, NO, I'M NOT BEAT.
I DID GET UP A LITTLE BIT EARLY TO DO YOUR SHOW.
I WANTED-- YOU KNOW, YOU ASKED ME TO DO IT, AND I'M DOING IT.
>> Stephen: SLEEPY OR NOT, THAT DOES SUM UP HIS VISION OF
LEADERSHIP-- TRUMP 2016: YOU ASKED ME TO DO IT AND I'M DOING
IT.
WHAT DO YOU WANT ME TO DO?
HELLO?
( APPLAUSE ) IF THAT IS DONALD TRUMP AT HIS
MOST PRESIDENTIAL, I, FOR ONE, LOOK FORWARD TO HIS INAUGURAL.
>> HELLO?
AM I ON?
I DO SOLEMNLY SWEAR ALL THE STUFF, GONNA UP HOLD IT ALL.
MALANIA, I SAID NO SMOOTHIES DURING INAUGURATION!