- [Narrator] Hi, Psych2Goers.
Is there someone you think has a crush on you?
Knowing that someone is attracted to you
can make you feel happy and good about yourself.
And naturally, you'll want that attraction to last
as long as possible,
but sometimes you might get carried away
and not realize that you're making mistakes
that are diminishing the attraction they have for you.
So to help you become more aware
of some of your behaviors,
here are five mistakes that kill attraction.
Number one.
Insecurity.
Are you a confident person?
Or are you very insecure about yourself?
While it's normal to doubt yourself from time to time,
the attraction that someone feels towards you
might start to disappear when you let your insecurities
take over you.
This may include constant negative comments about yourself
such as, "I'm too stupid to understand this.
Are you sure I look good?
Or, I don't think I'm good enough."
While others may help you at first,
this constant self-doubt and need for reassurance
could get exhausting for them,
especially when they're trying to make you
believe in something you don't see in yourself.
Even though it's hard to control
how you feel about yourself,
it's still important to try to work
on building a positive self-image,
and to avoid relying solely on one person
to validate your self-worth.
When you do,
you may start to notice others respond positively
to your new energy.
Number two.
Jealousy and possessive behavior.
Do you get jealous easily?
Whether it's always calling your partner
to see who they hang out with,
going through their phone,
or stopping them from going out
with their friends or family
so they could spend time with you?
These are all types of behavior
that may frustrate your partner
and make them feel like you don't respect them at all.
They may also feel suffocated by the intensity
of your lack of trust
and decide to take a step back.
If you find yourself dealing with this a lot,
you may wanna work on finding the core of your trust issues,
so you can understand and overcome that problem.
Number three.
Being overly critical.
Are you always criticizing them for doing the dishes wrong?
Or complaining that they don't dress well?
Oftentimes it can be useful to hear what you did wrong
to know how to do better next time,
as long as it's done respectfully,
and with good intentions,
it's quite normal
if you sometimes critique your partner's behavior.
However, if you start to become overly critical
about everything they do all the time,
then you may lose the attraction that they have for you.
Negative comments about
how they're not doing things the right way,
or how they constantly make mistakes,
can make them feel unappreciated,
and cause them to only expect the worst from you.
So if you try to keep things positive
and emphasize the good things,
instead of the bad,
you could keep the spark between you going long.
Number four.
Spending too much time with technology.
Is it hard to not check your phone?
Perhaps you say, "That you'll just take a quick look."
But find yourself still typing
and scrolling 10 minutes later.
no matter how useful your phone is
it can often make you neglect the ones around you.
Whether it's spending hours playing PlayStation
or watching TV,
when you spend too much time with technology
while you're with someone,
it tells them that you're uninterested and unavailable.
They might feel ignored and bored in your company,
then the attraction they felt towards you
might start to fade away over time.
So if you feel something like this
could be happening to you,
try to put your phone on silent
when you spend time with your partner.
Show them that they've got your full attention.
And number five.
Negativity.
What kind of aura or vibe do you put out?
Your mood can definitely have an effect
on how the people around you feel.
If you're constantly negative,
then those around you can feel it and recognize it too.
And so if you're spending time with someone who likes you,
surrounding them with negativity
could quickly kill their attraction towards you.
As Laurel Steinberg, PhD relationship therapist,
and professor of psychology at Columbia University, said,
"Being too negative in a relationship
can have many damaging effects on both parties,
and on the relationship itself.
Negativity makes other people feel depressed,
is a total buzzkill,
and can be a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Negativity also reduces libido."
It's clear you don't want this in your relationship,
so be aware of the energy you put out.
Have you done any of these?
Let us know in the comments below.
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The references and studies used in this video
are added in the description below.
Thanks for watching,
and see you in the next one.