Hi guys
We're really excited to tell you that WE, are coming to Australia!
Mark: Right? [everyone cheers] Whoo! Yeah! Yeah, yeah! Australia!
We'll be going to Auckland (New Zealand) Tyler: ..Brisbane, ..
Wade: .. Melbourne,.. Ethan: .. Sydney,.. Bob: .. Adelaide, ..
M:.. and Perth!
And it'll all be happening in November of this year. Ticket sales will be on very soon.
So we will see you [laughs] in the future!
Byyee!
Ethan: Byeee!
Tyler: [attempt at Australian accent] G'day, mate!
Wade: Bye!
Bob: Bye.
[sociopath with glasses intensifies]
Ethan: Should we go? Wade: To where? Tyler: Well said
Wade: What we do now? Ethan: .. I dunno..
[silence]
[poprocks in mouth] Wade: I just wanted to... go to a pub..
Wade: Okay, I'll change to you, Bob. Bob: Yeah... Jack: ..Okay..
Bob: ..you guys be hunters now Mark: Okay. Jack: Yeah, there we go
Mark: Wait. They add fog in here? Whohh*gasp* Jack: And a bartender!
Mark (gasping): WhooOo-Ooaaahh
Bob: Because it's a vape-bar, d'uh
Mark: Wait~ Wade: Am I supposed to be spawned in seeing you guys right now?
Mark (high pitched): Aaayyhh doyn't think-- Uhm.. Bob: You can't, we're the hunters Wade. We can't see anything.
Mark: Mwahahah Wade, no.. Wade: I can and I'm moving..
..no, Wade. Come on don't lie to us. You can't see anything.
I've got some, weird out-of-body thing going on
Where my body is lagging behind my… body?
Bob: Are you guys done hiding yet? Can we come find Mark: No hang on
Bob: I see you Mark just clipping through the wall *laughs* Jack: Bob, come back Mark: Jus- STOP! Stop! Hang on
M: It won't let me be. It won't let me be the thing I wanna… Bob: forty-five...
M: .. just hang on I need some privacy. B: .. Then I have a surprise for you.
M: Hang on, just, hang on. wait yeah thank you thank you..
Nooo..!
pecarious peeker, noh noh peekin!! (Wade laughs)
Give me some... thank you
B: 'kay There you go, there you go M: I cannot fucking grab this goddamn thing
..I want it so badly..
M: I just want the only thing I want J: He probably wanted to be in the toilet, so just leave him alone W: No.
B: Are you trying to be the dildo?.. or tryin' to be-- M: NOOO!
J: That's not the point of the game. I dunno what they tellin' you. B: Oww Mark, what are you doing to me? (Wade murmurs)
M: Oo-oohhh W: Dammit
B: Oh shit..
B: ...literally. M: Literally. N-heh
B: You want to see a joke? You wanna see a joke?
W: Yeah B: Mark go hide, go hide wait for your q--
M: *laugh* pffftffkch~.. wait..
B: No no. Go in the stall. Go in the stall. Wait for your cue M: I can't.. I can't..
J: Are you a poo? B: Don't go in there
J: Are you a poo!? Mark: Nooo. I'm... I'm the forbidden dildo.
Bob: You ready for a joke? Jack: No-ahah augh..
Wade: ...The forbidden dildo J: Auuuggghhh...
[Mark laughing while the rest groan]
B: Wait, I need some privacy and to forget Mark said that
I just uh...
If I… Can we… alright it's not gonna work let's just kill Mark
M: No wait! Hang on, you don't know which one I ammhh!
*smack*
(Bob and Wade laughs)
W: Well that was… J: Smell the shit
W: The forbidden dildo is gone for now. M: Wow.. Ah, thank you but my legacy lives.. on...
B: I. hope.. nnnot...
J: Bad legacies are still a thing too
Wade: Nobody took the opportunity to call Mark, a piece of shit there M: I don't know
I think it was implied i think the comments will take it over J: Yeah W: That's fair
B: Alright can we get a hint or something? We're clearly idiots
J: I gave you a hint earlier. Said "you're in quite a pickle"
[Mark, Bob and Wade "ooooh"]
Bob: Okay. So shoot; every penis in the room
*smack*
J: Good shot. W: Wow...
W: That was too good of a hint B: Hey I own this *inaudible* (one of four ??)
W: Give us a worse hint
J: I gave you that hint like when Mark, before Mark became shit
B: We were clearly distracted by the giant shit
W: Yeah we were distracted by shit
B: Haven't you ever seen a turd and just been like..
"Wooah.... I can't stop looking at this"
M: Hang on I gotta tweet this
Wow
J: I gotta snap this "shit"
There is an egg under it. There's also a floating Toblerone
W: No it's me! Tobeehh M: Wait! No! The Toblerone!
Wait, no! That's… W: Toh bleeh!
Oh no… *giggles* J: Why you still..
J: Why are you still hiding as a Toblerone?
W: Tohbleeh!
(Bob and Mark laughs)
M: Hey wait. Wait, Tho- Toh- Tobley B: Tobley come bahck!
W: Yo. M: What's.. Tobley what's your favorite maritime book..
..based on a captain pursuing a whale?
Wade: Uh…
Tobley in that big dick?
J: Okay, that's a different type of movie
M: That's a different one. That's the parody of that one, oh but
B: Wait wait wait.. W: Oh?
B: Are you the Tobley that starred in "Tobley in That Big Dick"?
W: The one and only Tobley!
M: Uh.. Well…
W: Tobler out! M: cuz' you just can't-- thhah-aht *laugh*
Your number's.. UP!! Aw shit
W: Tobley don't die to youuu! *Bob laughs*
M: Tobley will die to "this".
(Bob and Wade laughs together)
*smack*
W: TOBLEY!!!!
B: Aw shit
M: Alright, wait!
J: It's not him!
Mark (Disappointed): No...
J: It's not him!
B: "Wait. Bam..! Noo.."
B: "Wait. Bam..! No..." M: Wait… Wait a minute
Wade: Maybe there were two Tobleys?
M: Why was there a turd…Why was there a turd next to this man?
Bob: He. had to. take a-poo! W: Well...
M: I can't add this together. It doesn't make sense W: Well What do you see B: He had to use the bathroom
M: Why was there a turd… (Jack is inaudible here)
Jack: There's one right next to this guy as well! There's one like that poo emoji
What's he holding?
Bob: Look, I'm gonna text you guys a hint. Okay?
M: I don't like that. I reject that hint
I'm… my guess is he "was" a turd and he changed J: rehearsed (??) --(unintelligible)-- will get though
to a cellphone and now he
B: I have.. I haven't changed or moved this entire time. M: No no no!
B: Get in the couches room, I'm in the couches room
M: Ok. Alright
Jack: What the fuck… Oohhhhhh
Bob: No no no! Mark: Where? What?
J: Look at you! M: Where?
M: WOAH!.. J: He's a phone!
M: Aaaahh
...Alright
J: That was your hint! M: This one's gonna be my kill
B: My hint was that I am a phone!
M: This is my… Hang on wait, hang on (Wade laughs)
This was gonna be my kill…
..Ohhh shit. W: My hint; he's directing where I am. Come on!
M (deep voice): Ohhhh nooo J: Where'd he go? Where'd he,. where'd he go?
J: Where'd he go? B: Nowhere. Don't worry about it.
J: He's over there!!! W: Now that was *inaudible*, Bob.
Mark: WHERE?!
J: He went… Aww… He went in there
W: Tobley still wins!
M: How can we lose in such a tiny maah-aahp?
J: I'mma hide right here B: Become this become..
Yeah, look at that, that's cool J: Ohh that's a toast
J: Cool toast!.. Nice B: Wait
B: I want to see if this works. Be an iHome
J: ...I can't B: The fuck you can't
Sit still toast motherfucker!
M: I am not in the dark area
B:You sure about that? M: Yes i'm very sure
B: 'Cause you say that.. 'cause you saw me checking there or did you just
Oh, how do you get out of here
M: Don't mind me! *smack*
M: I just thought you'd like a snack.. Aaahh.. J: Eaaaahmmm....
J: Nooo? B: Waaeeahhhh
W: What was he Bob?
B: He was a piece of toast on top of a locker
B: ..in the bathroom M: I- I was the original toast. And then…
Sean took my... toast!
J: I took the toast, 'cuz someone offered ME the toast
J: That's ALL I could be! M: "I" was the original toast. I.. it was me the toast the whole time
J: He was the toast mudderfuegger W: Oh no!!! My joke!
M: Yeah… MY joke W: Jack's a prop in my joke
M: My toast, my joke
B: Wait, are you saying you were the toast the whole toast and nothing but the toast the whole time?
M: Exactly
Exactly those words
Detective Markiplier is here. Ready to take this case to the next level. Is this supposed to be here?..
No it's not! It is not!
Eeuuughhh..
Gotchu! Baybeehh! [Random Mark noises]
Wade: No...
Wade, I'm incredibly sorry I got super excited about that
B: Wait w-wait wait-wait! M: Whoaaaah! I'm sorry.
I- I-- I'm soh-- B: Nooo..!
I'm too good!
B: Oh, hey. How's it going?
J: I did not realize the TIME, again! (Bob laughs)
Wade: Wha--?
B: I'll go back... I- I'll go back in the corner J: I need I need...
I need a minute. I need an, I need an adult
B: ~This is the song about~
[Talking and laughing over each other] M: Ow.. Hi eheehee!! Heeeahahaaha!!
B: Is Mark ok? J: Okay
B: Okay perfect finds. Perfect... W: Hooray.. (More laughter)
B: Wade I know exactly where they are, you wanna see?
W: Yeah... please. B: You wanna see some shit?
I don't think you know.. I don't think you know.. I don't think you know..
M: You'll never know which one of us is which!
Choose wisely
J: You have to… You have to guess which one is which
W: Mark seems like the kind of person to go to the straight…
.. ahead
M: Okay, well why wo… Why would you want to kill one over the other W: You're Mark
J: Yea. If you.. if you.. if you get it wrong, then we win M: Yeah
B: Wade. Wade can we conference? W: Yah
B: I think I have a solution. They're all, they're all sticking to-- J: You can't bomb both of us at the same time!
B: Never mind, that was my solution
Wait, I have an idea for a competition. How about this…
Uh, I'll be right back, I'll be right back
M: Oh'kay.. We'll be here J: Okay. Ah yeah
W: Oh yeah, if you grab a penis, Mark can't resist but grab it
B: That's exactly what my idea was!
J: That's.. That is cheating!
M: No. You can't. You wouldn't stoop to that level
J: You should see him.. s-ssalivate and it's just like...
W: Oh, you think we couldn't stoop to that level, but it's been us
.. you've been... to that level.. M: You.. y-you.. There's no way you don't have a penis on you. I'll call your bluff
B: It's a… It's a trick.. It's a tricky dick
J: Tricky dicky
B: Alright M: Oh God no
J: Oh that's a girthy boy M: Ooooohhh
M: What a boober on that one B: Mark can't resist
M: I. am. strong. B:..because of the penis
B: Is it you?... Or is it you W: He tryin' we got both! (??)
J: "I'm Spartacus!" M: "I'm Spartacus." Give me the penis!
W: before I shot your knees, move forward a little bit. B: Wait wait wait, hold on.. new, new competition...
Whichever of you becomes the penis first, wins
[More laughter] J: Oh fuck. M: Wait!
B: Alright that one's Mark
M: Wait no. Hang on
(Wade laughs, then Mark joins him) Jack: No. No. No no no. Noe. noe. noe
[Jack repeating "No" a lot]
(Jack imitating a panting and wheezing) M: I don't think that..
J: I'm all tired out from the penis
M: I don't think that competition was… J: Oh no!..
…You guys right to me Bob: Props..
Bob: ..Props. Come here
Jack: Oh no
B: Come here buddy. Come here little prop J: Noh!.. No no no!
Bob: It's only a penis. Wade: There it is to the right
J: No B: C'mere props
It's okay buddy… We ain't going to hurt ya
J: Nooooooohhhh
B: Just become the penis, just become the penis it's okay. Come on here
J: Oh there's two of them!
Wade: OHH HE'S THE PENIS B: Ooohhh he's the penis!!
Jack: Wooooooooooooohhhhh!!!
Party on tonight boys!
M: Oh I see him. I seeee. I see you... B: No-no. No. No.
B: Mark, do you want to see some tricks?
M: I doooo'
W: oh no I wanna see tricks M (murmurs): I certainly do.. B: I have a trick for you okay right?
M: Alright, okay, alright
[Everyone "oooh"ing]
B: Like.. Ouh oh ummh
M: Okay, am less impressed
J: Ah There you go... Yes. Yes. M: Yeaaarrh! Now it's funny, now its funny. Yes. Yes. B: Yeaah! That's funny!
*Small applause*
M: Wait. Wait a minute. Wait a minute B: What's that shit? Hey, hey...
Hey guys you need Illegal data? Huh? You need some hard drive data? J: That's piracy.
J: We do not condone illegal movies. B: I'm not a pirate.
J: Unless there's a whole hard drive full of "I Am Legend"
I don't care
J: Wait.. Wade.. It was between us, okay? M: Wade… We're, we're… It is not about you Wade
W: I just want to be there and see
M: Hey! Hey! B: Look, look, look. Look look.. look...
You wanna see? You wanna see what I've got for ya?
M: You better put on some illegal data right now J: What d'ya got ? What d'ya got?
B: I'm gonna put on a little show… Ok boys
J: Is it "Cory in the House"? It better be "Cory in the house"
M: Better be "Malcolm in the Middle" or else I'm 'onna be pissed
Bob: ~Do do, do do do, do do do do~
(Sad Wade): ~Malcolm in the Middle~
Bob: ~Never gonna give you up~ You just got Rick rolled!
M: Whuaaaaaahhhhhh-ah...
B: I was really running dry out of material there. I don't know
M: That was pretty good. This was pretty good
Arrraihhh.. frrhuahh.. mhrrr..*laughs* Fruhhck
J: He's a ball of anger somewhere. Find him. (Bob laughs)
M: (between teeth) ..frakch...Hangon..
B: Wade why don't we---
M: Welp. This is a problem
Just gotta.. If I don't look at you… It's not a problem (Wade laughs)
B: Oh, I thought you were stuck. M: Sshhh shhhh!
B: I was, I was gonna offer you
Here Mark. Become, become one of these. Here bud.. M: Nope
J: Don't trust him! They'll make you toast M: I don't trust you. I don't trust you.
B: become one of these, the one I threw at you. [Mark groans]
M: Well... That's tempting..
B: There's pickles on your face, how you like that? How'd you like my.. M: It's very
B: .. Big pickles. My big juicy pickles on your face? M: It's very tempting, but I won't
B: He's now... W: with one of this! M: Ooops
[Mark screams, everyone else laughs]
*screaming*
W: He dropped the jar of pickles on himself and died
B: Dropped pickles on himself so hard he died (Jack laughs)
[More Mark screaming, followed by friends' laughter]
Mark: That is… not okay
Bob: Why did you become it?
M: [whining] I didn't… want to… B: It was your mistake
B: But then you did…
M: Oh, did I?! [quieter] I did…
M: Carry on B: Can you become the cigarettes?
J: Ooo. I wanna be… Aw yeah fucking Marlboro light, dawg
M: Wait. That's not not vaping. That's not cool at all! J: Yo yo.. yo'll wanna get high?!
W: Yeah J: You all wanna get high on cigarettes?
W: Yea M: No
W: I'm 13 and ready to ruin my life
B: Yikes... M: *laughs*
J: Wow
B: Don't smoke kids J: Way to call out all the 13 year old smokers, Wade.
Have a cigarette. Time to load, time to load and cigarette Wade: *inaudible* he's in the other room.
(Bob imitates flicking a lighter and lits the cigarette) J: There we go. I'm lit
W: Woooohh M: No. Bob don't! No!
M: Oh no! J: All the second-hand smoke!
W: I'll save you Bob! B: (Moaning) My vision is going blurry
J: Bob you are not my role model anymore!
W: I had to take them, away from you, Bob. B: Whoah...
B: I was just sucking on Jack. That was not necessary
J: You made.. you made him *inaudible* W: You didn't interpreted this as murder?
M: No, no. *laughs* I wasn't smoking... I was just sucking ..
.. on my good friend!
~Outro music enters~