Hi I'm Herman
Uh, this is my dad on the left
Sunglasses, pretty cool guy, guess back in the day he said, sweet talked my mom.
And then I'd guess they'd probbly' start doin' one of these.
Uh, if I could guess myself
They probably' started and then after that they probably' did one of those.
uhm, And then they're probably lookin' at one of these I bet.
And then, you know after a while it got boring, started doin' some crazy shit.
Uh, Let's just, I don't like this part
You gotta understand that I was born on a ship, the S.S. Minnow Johnson.
And we were sailin' the seven seas when this big old
stupid old pirate ship came out, led of course by Johnny Depp.
This was about a decade before his pirates franchise.
He was just preparing for the role he said,
"Gimme' that little fuckin' baby so I can shoot him!". Completely nice guy.
So my dad came up with this genius idea,
to put my baby body, into a cannon,
and then fire me out of the cannon, to shoot me over the ship.
And the genuis part of it is that I had
these two, uh, machine guns
and he had TNT on deck so I shot the machine guns
I blew up the whole pirate ship.
But, uh, turned out my dad was a fucking jackass,
and over-shot me by a million miles
and I started drowning, *drowning noises*.
But luckily, I ended up drowning into the lost city of Atlantis
And they had all this futuristic technology like a rocket ship,
And they even had the next man from the next year,
And I said "What's new in Madden?"
He said "Nothin".
And, uh, he explained that the Atlantis people really needed this, Moon Crystal. to-
It was a very important quest he was sending me on.
So he had the genius idea of putting me into this rocket ship,
and, I drove that from Earth, into the Moon. so-
And then I crashed cause I'm not a good driver when I was a baby.
And then Sheriff-Woody-was-on-there-he-say-YEEHAW.
And then I said uhm "I got my, you freeze there buddy."
"What's goin' on?".
He said "We're in trouble, there's Gorgogon, Googoogon is killin' everybody.
So I said "I'll stop this guy.".
I shot him *PEW*.
But I was out of bullets, so Googoogon, he kicked my head off.
And he kicked my head off so hard that he kicked my head off into the sun, so that I landed at "Sun Land".
And, I met a man there named, uh, Tito Lounge.
He said "Look, look kid, if you can sell $500 worth of this spaghetti sauce
then i'll give you this car and you can go drive back to the Moon in this new Moon Car.".
I said " OH SPAGHETTI!". * SPLAT*
And then hahaha, oh I got spaghetti everywhere.
Oh, this shit, this is a fuckin' mess.
So I said " Um, look.". This, this is not working.
There's spaghetti everywhere. This was not meant for spaghetti.
Uh, clean this.
So, I had, the Idea was I had to use my cuteness,
and my charm cause I was just a little kid everyone thought I was so cute.
"Aww, we gotta get spaghetti from this old cute guy."
And this one man though he didn't, he was like "HEEYA." and he didn't like me
He kicked me in the eye, he kicked my eye off. That's why I have to wear glasses now.
So I look like a fuckin' dweeb.
But then Micheal Jordan saw me! And he was like "Oh look honey. Look at this fuckin' dweeb".
"Here you know how everyone thinks i'm their hero well you're my hero Dunkey
"Here's $500 kid I love you."
"Here this is for your college tuition." But I spent that on the space car instead.
So I went back to the Moon, and I went up to the Gorgonite and I said,
"Watch out, for my spaghetti move!". *Maniacle Laughter*
*SPLAT* *Laughter* And I killed him! And there is spaghetti an blood goin' all over the place.
And I really killed him bad.
And this, uh, it's not working now, this marker just-, maybe if I step?
a little bit of, uh knife? Uh, bend it?
That's fuckin' busted, fuck this!
Uh, I'm gonna use the latest invention, this is from Atlantis, it's called a "Computer".
So I gave the Gorgotron to the Sheriff Woody.
And he gave me the crystal, so I'm back to the moon.
I gave the crystal to the Atlantis man, and he put the crystal in a big big machine.
And it was, oh so BIG.
And it shot out this little soda, and he said "Now I can be a Soda Man, thanks, thanks Dunk.
And then I fuckin' I-, hang myself.
The End