- Hey!
- [Audience Members] Hey.
- Hey, thanks.
All right, okay, all right (groans).
Okay, I'm sorry I didn't mean to be disgusted immediately.
(audience laughing)
Okay, I'm sorry, it's just hot and I got damp titties so.
(audience laughing)
Can you tell I'm a gigantic black lady?
Can you tell?
- [Audience Member] Yeah.
The people up, oh wow!
Just fuckin' not even nice about it.
Oh yeah bitch!
(audience laughing)
You're a giant ass bitch, like that's what you.
No, no, it's fine 'cause I did ask the question.
I am a very giant lady.
I'm six feet tall and I have a boyfriend who's six four
and, okay, there you go.
Look at you being impressed about a man you don't even know.
I like it.
(audience laughing)
He could be the worst person
but you just celebrating his height, I like it.
(audience laughing)
No, he's a solid person,
but this is what I have to deal with though
because I am a tall woman, I don't have height privilege.
So like smaller women, your life is good.
'Cause I can't play fight with this man.
I can't wrestle with him.
(audience laughing)
I don't think you understand.
If I walk down the hall with a pillow,
I'm a legitimate threat, okay?
(audience laughing)
'Cause this is the size I always am
so I don't know.
I think I'm being all cute like
oh let's play.
(audience laughing)
And he's like, stand down bitch.
(audience laughing)
Supposed to be a pillow fight not a domestic dispute.
(audience laughing)
What are you doing?
And then, like, I don't know what it's like
to ever be the little spoon
'cause I'm just too damned big for it.
So when we cuddle we don't spoon, we knife.
So we're very much like this.
(audience laughing)
The whole time and he's a very skinny man
so his whole body feels like an elbow.
(audience laughing)
So he's just very uncomfortable as a person so.
(audience laughing)
He is, he's very hard to love.
(audience laughing)
Like, it doesn't matter if a man is shorter
or taller than me, they get very intimidated.
'Cause I dated somebody who was taller than him
who just told me one day, he was like,
I'm gonna be straight up,
if we get into a scuffle and the cops come,
they gonna look at you and they're gonna say this is fair.
(audience laughing)
I was like, wow, like bitch,
have you been planning to fight me?
(audience laughing)
Like, how long have you been thinking about this 'cause
this is very upsetting.
(audience laughing)
(exhales)
And my height also is making people think
I have a lot of authority so people talk to me a lot.
I get a lot of people asking me questions every day.
And I think it's because I'm from the South
and I also have a welcoming bosom, so.
(audience laughing)
People just feel good.
I get a lot of sideways hugs, you know,
like a lot of that 'cause people wanna be cradled.
(audience laughing)
It's makes sense, I get it.
A lot of people ask me for directions,
at least once a day somebody's asking me and I'm like,
you shouldn't trust me
because I can see two blocks over, okay?
(audience laughing)
Like, don't rely on me 'cause I will point you
in the wrong direction on purpose.
(audience laughing)
But one day, so I am leaving Nordstrom Rack okay,
I got a bunch of bags in my hand.
This woman runs up to me off the street and she goes,
why is the train down?
(audience laughing)
I said, are you, I don't know, I've been inside.
(audience laughing)
And not underground so why are you asking me
'cause I don't know.
And also, I'm not wearing a uniform, okay.
Like there's that.
And so then I just had this moment
where I had to look at myself, I was like, oh no,
I have a transit informational shaped body.
(audience laughing)
Like, oh my god.
(audience laughing)
Oh my god,
I am shaped like a bitch that knows train schedules.
(audience laughing)
And the maintenance of the schedules.
(audience laughing)
And I thought my titties were better than that.
(audience laughing)
And they're not.
I have train titties so.
(audience laughing)
I've just accepted that about myself.
(audience laughing)
And then she wouldn't leave though,
it's like she would not move.
So I'm trying to move and she's still
just kind of standing there and I'm like,
okay I said, are you going inside or not?
And she goes, oh I'm going in.
And I said, well then you need to stand clear
of the closing doors.
(audience laughing)
And I go.
(audience clapping)
This.
How long we doing this?
I'm leaning into it now.
(audience laughing)
I've just accepted that's who I am so it's fine.
This is a real conversation I had with a man recently
so we passed each other on the street
and he was like, hey girl.
I like your size.
Nah.
(audience laughing)
You don't just tell somebody you like their whole size?
I was like, what do you want?
Like are you trying to recruit me
for a 35 and over basketball team?
(audience laughing)
Like why would you even say,
like did he see me going down the street, and he's like,
this bitch is gonna go hard in the paint, I like her.
(audience laughing)
This one, she's gonna pull down some rebounds for us
(audience laughing)
this season and we'll win the league.
'Cause it would've made sense to me
if he had been like, you know what, even though
it would've been wrong, but if he had been like,
I like the size of your titties I would've been like, okay.
Like all right.
I know what you want, I know your end game.
You wanna touch 'em.
Okay, I get it.
(audience laughing)
But when you just tell somebody you like their size,
he also could have been like, you know what,
she can fit in my trunk.
(audience laughing)
'Cause that's when you need to know somebody's dimensions
like (growls)
I like her length, I like her width.
(audience laughing)
She'll fit!
I just built a box.
(audience laughing)