I was miscast in my first big part on
Broadway one night after show there was
Mel Brooks wearing a merchant marine pee
jacket he looked striking in it
I said hello hello how nice to meet you
my goodness you look so wonderful in
that pea jacket he said yeah they used
to call him urine jackets but they
didn't sell
[Music]
[Applause]
[Music]
when I was seven and a half eight years
old my mother had a heart attack this
heavyset doctor brought her home told
her some things while she was lying in
bed and then came out to see me and he
grabbed me by the arm it was summer hot
day and the sweat was dripping off of
his face and falling onto my cheeks he
said don't ever get angry with your
mother because you might kill her he was
not very psychologically oriented but
the other thing he said was try to make
her laugh and that was a huge thing
although I didn't realize it at the time
for the first time in my life I tried
consciously to make someone else laugh I
knew I was very successful when she'd
run to the bathroom and say now look
what you've made me do you know and when
you you please your mother by doing
something it gives you confidence that
you can please other people and I think
that's where the courage to make people
laugh came from but I I didn't want to
be a comedian I wanted to be an actor
maybe a comic actor but an actor and
that's what got me interacting was
putting on an act because in life I
wasn't funny
I felt on stage or in the movies I could
do whatever I wanted to I was free
[Music]
when I was 18 and the hormones were
raging and I was at school University of
Iowa I suddenly felt the overwhelming
compulsion to pray and I must have
prayed for 20 minutes or so I didn't
know what I was praying about but acts I
was feeling guilty about something the
next day or two it was 30 minutes and
then it was an hour than two hours to
skip ahead to the end of the seven and a
half years of analysis I was so afraid
to feel free to enjoy my own life my
mother was sick and suffering every day
of hers I didn't think I had the right
if you ask an actor why do you want to
act I don't think most of them know the
real reasons after seven and a half
years of analysis I have a fairly good
idea why my analyst said it's better
than running around naked in Central
Park is
I was offered the part of Willy Wonka in
Willy Wonka the Chocolate Factory and
when the director came to my house I
said well I like the script except when
the audience sees will he walk her for
the first time I want to come out of a
door with a cane and limp my way to the
crowd in their own legal will he won't
go he's a [ __ ] oh my god who thought
I never knew that sort of fun and they
quiet down quiet down quiet down and
then Willy Wonka's cane gets stuck in a
brick and he starts to fall forward and
he does a forward somersault then jumps
up and the crowd cheers and applause and
the director said what do you want to do
that for
I said because from that time on no one
will know whether I'm lying or telling
the truth and he said you mean if I say
no you won't do the picture I said I'm
afraid that's the truth
[Music]
you know what the format is it's not Q&A
it is Russia but he can't skew it he
makes it more coffee or honor I heard
you were too good I was a little sloppy
for I saw this guy just realizing he
would have to make me sound for him hi
how did you get that way from ed hardy
that's my mopping my Braille material
hell yeah these are Italian browsers
[Music]
I realize it's impossible to have any
sympathy through true sympathy for
people that are famous people usually go
through a bad period when they first get
successful we knew when you're hot
things go wrong so you're not really
used to all the attention people treat
you differently and and what happens is
you start taking that seriously and when
we start becoming a hassle and they
treat you like an ass and then was there
a period like that for you where you
things were the lot I can right now my
favorite things to do in traffic in New
York and there's a Cadillac honking or
something and you say it sucking up ice
is all time before I was dance are you
jumping in the middle street and say
excuse me there's a Mercedes that's got
to get through here yeah and I would
push people out of the way and get out
of the way you know let him through you
know smacking their cars and stuff just
like whack you know you just jump into
it you know and you can't do it because
now you're doing hey meatballs the whole
thing is lost the point you were trying
to make or whatever fun you were trying
to have is put on your car the money
thing is you know the sort of Elvis
Presley thing of buying your mother a
car is great my mother has learned how
to spend money I mean she used to call
and say you know we really need a boiler
you know and I just just for the hell of
it I would say why'd you shop around and
see which one you know those would know
a lot of money I mean he's got a bargain
here I'm a boiler and that how is the
key thousand the winter in Chicago so
find that butter American Express card
and the number she puts up our geometric
every year I mean the first year I think
she bought a tow when a car broke down
the second year she went to dinner on
her birthday or something the third year
she rented a condo in Florida for the
boiler and took her you know don't like
cousins and some friends down so and
she's figured it out I mean you know she
had nine kids technically she could
commit murder and got away with it so
whatever number she runs on
not even a misdemeanor I know it could
have been anybody it's just a weird
lucky thing really could have been any
actor there are a lot of actors were
more talented than me at second city who
could it before they even got to a pain
stairs you've wondered luck I had no
other option you know I'm still just
like a punk kid really you know I'm just
an obnoxious guy who can just make it
appear charming that's not what they pay
me to do I've sort of gone through some
sort of spiritual change in the late 70s
where I sort of saw there was some other
life to live it changed the way that I
work just having different presents and
different attention that's the reason
I'm not the one that's dead because the
attraction of the fast life is very
powerful
even today I could go at any time
something well can happen anybody and I
caution anybody it walks down the street
it's selling your accounts before you
leave the house every day the only good
thing about Fame that I've gotten is
I've gotten a couple of speeding tickets
I've gotten into a restaurant when I
didn't have a suit and tie on that's
really about it and you can talk to
girls more easily they will talk to you
don't necessarily do any better with it
but they will talk to you it's almost
like being in the ladies room sometimes
because they feel comfortable with you
and they will say a lot of things they
wouldn't talk to anybody they would
think of as potential suitor they think
of you as like some freak you may as
well have an elephant well you know it's
for the way they deal with you
[Music]
[Applause]
in the year 2020 you'll be 70 years old
oh my god now what will the world be
like then it'll be one giant film
corporation
they'll be no longer any government
it'll be one nation under God
indivisible with circuits and VCRs for
everyone sounds now 2020 go beat old
fusion well I shall be able to power our
cars with our own feces
that's right the emissions bomb will be
a little intense but just light a match
[Music]
things that I see in the future it could
be quite incredible if we can match a
few problems like the air and the water
thing might be nice I see government's
dissolving you know these barriers are
kind of falling down for economic
reasons you know they're also into bound
that's why when one market crashes
there's like almost like a world stock
market and this is a very long economic
explanation something I haven't got a
[ __ ] do you think there's a role of
the artisan Society yeah for a comic
especially so constantly never let it
take itself seriously to play with the
[ __ ] with the parameters the premise
that comedy is there to basically show
us we fired we laugh to make us realize
we still are part animal
it's intellectual as we think we are you
still trip still have human for both
sexuality all the different things to
still make you aware of your humanity
and that's what we're supposed to do
it's just to keep us awake up through
the ship peel off the mask and go oh you
got a big nose now I'll put on the big
nose and make sure my lies claim and I
don't have a big nose but all that stuff
so you don't take yourself seriously and
destroy the species
do you ever worry about running out of
material or ideas know that the world
out there
open the window and it's their sex if
you use sex Jason go
these are pretty ridiculous even their
face means efficient making it an orgasm
it's pretty much you know ha no one
looks I've even won baby as I can yeah
that's pretty [ __ ] stupid
at the moment they fire the screw you
get like the wind tunnel face baby baby
bear Oh everything kind of rap its
nature going yeah look like an animal
it's not one thing you gotta know your
mic a little Sally I don't care what
type of lighting you use whatever strap
on it adds but you still sometimes look
like a pool and someone's gonna get a
firehouse these are the things you
wonder
yes without for as a product but the you
can do further work vehicle I just
members like a magical something for
this little town from mekin good this
and they don't scream the second thing
is kind of go they wash them off such a
put a little hammock on the little
teamster campus a little on truck cat
know that yo what would unload the ship
no ma'am I don't think I asked you any
about your faults if you have any and
what they are um in combating not
pursuing things committing to an IGN
going take you to its fullest extent
because it started when I first step of
forming it was all kind of jumping
around explore an idea to you've
exhausted really go to Overton parameter
seven I think another one is not working
so much
look at what's what's bad about what's
bad yeah look in the mirror nozzle here
the fact that I braid them sometimes you
know keeping track of people so it's is
a weird combination of worrying so much
about the outside why not you have to be
more aware of the inner circle focus it
matter comes from performing you always
want to make sure that everyone in the
audience is all taking care of that
constant desire to please all the time I
can get in some [ __ ]
you have or ever make any new year's
resolutions I haven't in a while I
haven't made anything and nothing you
know since I was about a kid I should
give up a lot of things for Lent to then
I still got Harry
[Music]