Hey Dan here and today we have an ask Dan question about relationships
specifically if an idealist type so that's then ENFP infp infj or ENFJ can
date a sensor type and specifically in this case we're talking about an ESFJ
I'm not gonna read her name because she might get in some trouble here but the
question comes from an ENFP in ecuador I've heard that
INTJs or INFJs are the best match for ENFP sometimes another ENFP or infj or
sorry infp could be a good match as well however I am actually dating an ESFJ
I've seen why we may have our differences I have too many deep
thoughts and I connect ideas from everything I see he enjoys life without
too much thinking bla bla bla sometimes I feel this lack of deepness
or ideas but I tried to tell him it's not really or tell myself it's not
really important I understand that loving is about or love is about loving
who they are and learning to love the differences or accept the differences my
problem is that I think too much and bla bla bla I'm happy with him because we
share the same values and see the world the same way and to find someone who
shares this is harder than finding a compatible type I don't know if that's
true but okay so you know I know this isn't a standard but what should I do
your I need your advice because the myers-briggs compatibility chart by the
way the compatibility chart she's referring to you can get if you join my
email training or buy one of my books there's a link there as well so you can
see all the types that are good and bad for you the chart says that it's au
think this one through and my real problem is the fear of failure in my
love life so there's a lot to unpack with this question and what I would
start with is this aspect of accept someone for who they are and this is
such a tough topic because on one hand I think a lot of especially my generation
you know I'm 33 this sort of 35 and younger maybe because
the internet online dating and all this we have so many choices I think very few
people from my generation accept people and know how to build a proper healthy
relationship or at least less and less people know how to do that so you're
completely right accepting someone and loving them for their differences and
fault is really important but before I choose to do that I would really think
through if it's the right match because ultimately and unfortunately a lot of
women do this and I think some men do as well but I would guess it's more woman
towards men there's a lot of those stories of women saying you know he's a
good guy he takes care of the family or he's honest or that sort of thing and
they lack that actual connection they want and they think because of societal
pressures or whatever else like this is what I'm supposed to do and I don't
think that's a good recipe for 20 years out from now when you look back and look
at kind of the decision you made so before you choose to love someone for
their differences and accept all their faults I would really spend some time
thinking about if that is the right person to invest that that love for
right and the point you mentioned about values and beliefs and ways of thinking
in terms of deep thinking that's something for you to reflect on
personally I think it's a big red flag the the sensor types if you like talking
about big-picture stuff theories and all this and you like I don't know if you're
a funny person but if you're funny and you're dating someone who isn't funny
all this sort of thing initially you can probably look past but my hunch is once
you have kids once you settle down you spend more and more time with your
spouse and less time with your friends so to me it's really important that that
partner be someone that I could also really enjoy hanging out with and
spending time with because early on it's very easy to balance that out and spend
a lot of time with your friends who maybe you're more compatible with in
terms of discussions long term I don't know if you have that level of you know
freedom of time right so my personal pay can die I don't want to
be responsible here for some heartbreak but I'm okay with that too is it's
probably a bad call or at the very least it's something to really reflect on
because in your own message just in how you you wrote it I do get the sense that
you're you're not even necessarily fully satisfied now let alone in the future
and you're trying to force it because you think it's the right thing to do you
know you talk about values and you're from Latin America so I'm guessing
religion and family values plays into it I could be totally wrong though and you
know those are that's a value set that really does push us to settle down and
you know make the family and that sort of thing which there's nothing wrong
with in fact a lot of countries need more babies but you don't want to do
that prematurely with the wrong person because once you have kids then you end
up on that 20 year commitment and if you're not compatible fully now that
isn't going to change later so I would really reflect on that for me as an ENFP
and you as well or an ENFP that emotional compatibility is really
important I would rather sacrifice some of the practical compatibility I'm
guessing practically you guys work quite well together
he's an es F J he's probably fairly organized and that sort of thing I think
I don't know the S types quite as well but I'm guessing you function quite well
like day to day together but they are lacking on that emotional connection and
again yeah for me that's very important I'll leave it up to you to decide you
know what's most important for you maybe you can let me know email me back after
this video but yeah my hunch is you you're not happy with it now just the
way your wording was set and you have that pressure from family and you know
culturally about you know he's a good man this is a you know we share the same
values that sort of thing and as an ENFP I don't know if you're gonna be able to
get through your whole life on that and you're going to likely evolved a lot
over your lifetime where that's just the way of the ENFP we're always exploring
and challenging things and often changing kind of reinventing ourselves
and there's a very good chance he won't be that same way and so there's also a
very good chance that however close you are now you may grow apart further and
further with time as well so it won't even be the same it could get worse
there's also a chance I'm totally wrong and a moron and none of this could come
true but this is just my opinion that's what you get from a Stan very little
research very little fact-checking just me talking out of my ass if you've
enjoyed me talking out of my ass I would encourage you to subscribe to
the channel and also you can send in your own questions if you go to dreams
around the world comm and click the a stan button and that's it catch in the
next video ciao