Two writing styles, both alike in dignity, In fair YouTube videos, where we lay our scene,
From ancient grudge break to new mutiny, Where cliche writing makes cliche stories
unclean.
Our once great house is in decline.
The noble house of Terrible Writing Advice teeters on the brink of collapse.
I must restore this once great house to its rightful place by making a video on noble
houses!
Noble houses are a staple of many fantasy works and even quite a few science fiction
ones.
Navigating the complex web of intrigue of the cutthroat royal court can prove perilous
even for a skilled writer, but you should trust me.
With my connections, we can forge a powerful alliance that can propel even the amateur
writer to greatness.
Who knows.
Anything is possible with enough ambition.
Now where shall we start our gambit to ascend to the throne?
I suppose first we should do some world building and design our royal families.
There are a lot of things to consider; sigils, heraldry, mottos, uniforms, linage, fiefdom,
wealth, relics, history, traditions, home, vassals, oaths, lands, martial arts, ideology,
secrets, organization, logistics, and what kind of food they like.
Or… we could give them a funny hat.
Yeah.
A single hat will substitute for all of that other stuff.
If we are feeling generous, then a writer can give each noble house a single personality
trait that every member of the house shares.
Don’t want to break the creative bank on that one.
Now how many noble houses should make up our royal court?
Well there is house Good Guys who are all noble and nice.
They treat their subjects fairly and their lands are always prosperous regardless of
their unrealistic and naive polices.
They are opposed by house Bad Guys who are all evil and treat their peasants like crap
yet don’t suffer from constant rebellions and haven’t gone bankrupt despite spending
all of their money on torture devices rather than investing in industry.
Then there is house Background Extras who probably won’t even get a name.
They are very important in keeping the balance of power in the royal court, but not so important
that the writer put any effort into fleshing them out.
We don’t want other factions muddying our feud between House Good Guys and House Bad
Guys.
A third faction shaking up the status quo and introducing new conflicts and story opportunities?
That’s as absurd as an upcoming middle class of merchants looking to spread their influence
into the royal court by means of marrying into the aristocracy.
Can’t have that.
Give those peasant merchants an inch and next thing you know they’ll be wining about not
having a constitution and an assembly.
Then bam!
Constitutional monarchy.
That would be terrible because they would start wanting sensible things like representation
or force the houses to stop their blood feuds that frequently result in casualties among
bystanders.
The Emperor won’t allow that.
It’s very important that the houses keep their knives pointed at each other’s throats
and not his.
After all, the only thing standing between the emperor’s throat and the other houses’
assassins is his elite royal guard.
Luckily for the Emperor, it never occurs to the royal guard that maybe the Emperor is
blatantly incompetent since he keeps putting House Bad Guys in charge of important imperial
assets that they proceed to ruin for the sake of being jerks.
The thought never enters their head that maybe the captain of the royal guard could probably
do a better job and that he is merely one knife wound to the Emperor’s back away from
a promotion to the big chair.
Historically speaking, a lot of royal guards were actually foreigners to make sure they
had no ties to any local factions and would remain loyal to the royal they were guarding.
Also historically speaking, this usually didn’t work very well.
Thankfully for the protagonists of house Good Guys, the royal guard is nothing more than
slightly tougher minion to face off against after the story’s halfway point when it’s
revealed that the Emperor is going to betray house Good Guys because we need to up the
stakes…
um I mean because of political reasons that I don’t need to go into.
But where does all this intrigue take place?
Why the royal court.
The appearance, traditions, and culture of the royal court could be used for world building
and can be unique enough to become a character all on its own.
I intended to give my royal court the same loving care I give my characters and use the
standard, off the shelf stock version.
Royal courts are usually opulent, with the nobles enjoying a life of unparalleled luxury.
You can tell because everyone is sipping a glass of wine while being snooty.
They plot and scheme on the sidelines frequently disparaging those making presentations to
the emperor or king of the court all in an attempt to curry favor with the other court
goers.
Witty banter is essential as those from feuding houses clash with words when in the court.
The protagonist better have a quick wit or else loose prestige among the other nobles
and face humiliation at the hands of his quick tongued foe.
Ugh.
It’s just like high school.
Don’t forget the thinly veiled threats.
Now witty dialog is hard to write so I better hit the mark.
Um…
Ha!
It’s like I’m building a house because I NAILED IT!
Just like that joke, because you know.
Nails?
In a house?
Get it?
*Awkward cough*
Let’s move on… to the best part!
The betrayal.
House politics are full of betrayals.
Too bad House Good guys can’t see the traitor in their own ranks.
Little do they suspect evil McSchemingson and how could they?
I mean he has a freaking goatee and dresses in all black.
Clearly he blends in seamlessly into house Good Guys.
His motive for turning on the house he serves?
I don’t know.
His goatee told him to do it or something.
Look, we gotta keep this moving.
Now house Good Guy’s only hope is that the Emperor will step in.
Oh no!
The emperor has decided to back house Bad Guys being the bastion of competence that
they are.
Now comes the tragic fall of house Good Guys.
Was the groundwork for the fall evident from the early part of the story?
Was their fall a result of a noble character trait that prevented them from taking a single
ruthless action that could have saved the house?
Were they simply out maneuvered politically in a master gambit by a cunning league of
foes?
No.
House Bad Guys have a far more devious and elegant plan; rush in the front door with
overwhelming numbers and stab everyone.
That cunning plan must have taken forever to come to fruition.
House Good Guys has fallen, but thankfully the protagonist is now the sole survivor and
will one day reclaim their rightful place and restore the house to its former glory
by the final act or at least some point in the series.
The heroes will get their chance when house Bad Guys betrays the emperor in their own
bid for the throne.
Who could have seen that coming?
I am shocked that murdering psychopaths make for poor allies!
During the confusion, the protagonist will seize the day and defeat the emperor or house
Bad Guys, whichever is still alive at the climax and then ascend to the throne.
House Good Guys is restored and the feud ends.
The protagonist is emperor now and reigns supreme.
Or at least he would if the newly established constitution hadn’t limited most of his
executive powers.
General: My Emperor.
This video’s sponsor, Skillshare has boosted our forces.
Emperor: Excellent!
General: There are just a few other details we need to attend to.
First, the planet of Tiberus 5 is currently in a state of rebellion.
They keep complaining that we are blowing up too many planets.
Emperor: Rebel scum.
Order the doom station to destroy their entire planet.
General: Very well, Emperor.
The next item has to do with the criminal syndicates on Velon 4.
The corruption is becoming quite widespread.
Emperor: There is only one thing to do.
Destroy their entire planet!
General: Brilliant my Emperor!
By the way, infrastructure spending on Renar 7 has fallen behind.
How should we deal with this?
Emperor: By destroying the entire planet!
General: Naturally.
Also, it has been brought to my attention that our tax revenues are falling for some
reason.
Emperor: Hmm… this is concerning.
Clearly, we should carefully consider the situation, identify the core of the problem,
and then destroy the entire planet!
Imperial Scientist: My emperor.
We have an alternate proposal.
Top imperial scientists were browsing classes on this video’s sponsor, Skillshare and
might have come up with a new strategy to solve the empire’s many problems.
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Emperor: Um… is this going to be expensive because that doom station is already stretching
the defense budget.
Imperial Scientist: Actually, if you check skl.sh/twa6 or check out the link in the description
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And we don’t even have to destroy any more planets!
Emperor: And you’ve lost me.
How unreasonable.
Why don’t we just not destroy a perfectly good planet while we are at it?
Take him away!
Useless scientists.
What has science ever for done for the Empire?
General: Oh no!
Someone hacked our computers and stole our skillshare sponsorship!
With science!
Emperor: Who dares?
Ancient Conspirator:I dare.
All according to plan!