- In this video, I'm gonna show you
the three signs you should keep trying with him,
and I'm gonna help you understand
whether you're wasting your time or not,
whether you should move on or not,
and whether you're leaving other opportunities off the table
because you're staying attached to something
that's not actually serving your energy.
Now, the very first thing I wanna share with this
is I want to look at the title itself of this video,
which has to do with signs you should keep trying with him.
Now, the first thing I wanna share,
probably one of the most powerful energy dynamics
to become aware of is that if we are implying
we are trying to make something work,
then a lot of times that means
we're infusing resistance into the process.
Because anytime we have to try to do something,
it means we're not just doing it or being it.
We're not in the moment.
We're trying also to probably get some type of result
that may seem more optimal,
but in general the energy dynamic at play
when we're trying to make something work
is a lot of resistance.
So what I would encourage you to do as the first sign
on this whole entire video
is to actually not try.
To not try doesn't mean you have to completely give up,
but it means that instead of trying,
you look at within yourself maybe the different aspects
of resistance that might be there.
And you use this in a way as a permission slip
to become aware of what energies are active
that's infusing resistance into the process.
So, with it, that's one of the first things,
and also realizing the energy dynamic
that anytime we put someone on a pedestal,
we create resistance.
If we believe
and we're really trying to force something to work,
there's a story that's in there
that is causing us to energetically separate ourselves
from the natural ebb and flow of a relationship.
Now, remember this.
This is something I always have to remind myself,
is there's one, I mean, there's many things in life
that are very hard to control.
As I look out right now, there's a lot of wind.
If you try to control the wind,
you're gonna have some issues.
However, with that as well,
there's certain aspects of myself
where I know I can control different aspects of my business,
and there's some things that are uncontrollable.
But in general, the one thing I've learned
that you just can't control is relationships.
So, trying to make things work implies
a lack of awareness that things flow, that things,
when you let go of attachment,
a lot of times things work themselves out.
And letting go of attachment
means stop trying and more so focus on being.
More so also focus on a level of acceptance.
Because if we don't accept,
what ends up happening is we remain attached
to this vision in our mind of the way someone should be
and the way they aren't,
and that kind of holds them in place.
And when that holds them in place, it's hard to change.
Have you ever had it in your life
where maybe you wanna change,
but there's people in your life
that have this vision of you
that keeps you in those old patterns kind of?
Like, not that they're to blame for it,
but in a way it's like,
okay, I'm gonna start doing this new thing,
and maybe you're like, I'm gonna go and start
have the courage to put myself out there more.
And then you go to put yourself out there more,
and then some of your friends are like,
"What are you doing?
"Why are you being this way?"
And then you start feeling
like there's something wrong with you,
but it's because they're holding you,
their image of you, in place,
and it's almost like you feel shame
or like you're doing something wrong
for stepping out of that.
Well, in a similar way in relationships,
I think something that happens,
is somebody wants somebody to change.
Somebody wants something different,
and they may voice that,
but they may also keep that person in their mind.
The story is this person is this way.
You know, I've had it in times in my relationship
where my intention is to become more emotionally vulnerable,
more emotionally available, express more emotion,
and I can tell that sometimes there's almost a pattern
that maybe have been in place to where like,
it's almost expected that I'm not gonna get that deep
or go to that level.
So not that it...
Once again, though, it's not about blaming and saying,
oh, this is someone else's fault, or anything like that,
but really being aware that what we can do in the process
is also change our perception,
our self-image of somebody else in a way.
And that's also a process of Ho'oponopono.
If you've ever heard of Ho'oponopono,
it's a very powerful process.
I'll link it below.
I have a meditation on it,
and it's just four simple statements.
It's, I'm sorry, please forgive me, thank you, I love you.
And as we forgive somebody else,
as we also send them love,
we heal the energy cords between us.
In a way it's a way of reducing karma as well.
But doing that will cleanse your own energy field
and also help you connect to other people in a deeper way
with that kind of energy, like healed.
So the first thing is become aware
of what also maybe you're fighting for.
Sometimes we're fighting, we're trying.
What are you really trying to get?
The reason I say this is 'cause sometimes in relationships
what we really want is we think we want the love
and we want different levels of intimacy,
but sometimes what we want is validation, people's approval.
And if we want people's validation and approval,
we'll be trying to get it,
but remember the Alan Watts Backwards Law.
This is something that's completely changed my life.
The more we try to get other people to like us,
the less they like us
because the more weird our energy gets.
The more we try to control our life,
the more out of the control we feel.
This works in many different ways.
The more you try to not see,
like the more you try to not sink in water,
the more you sink.
The more you relax,
the more you just naturally float.
Isn't that interesting?
It reminds me of "Harry Potter".
How many of you are "Harry Potter" fans out there, huh?
Like me.
But there's a part in the first "Harry Potter" movie
where they fall in this little chamber of secrets thing
onto this bed of these certain type of plants
that the more you fight,
the more it constricts and strangles you.
The more you just relax,
the more you just fall through it
and land safely on a cushion, and the more you're free.
So in a similar way in relationships,
it can be very similar.
The more we try, the more we fight,
the more resistance we create and the more problems.
So first off, I just wanna say that.
Now, the second sign that you should keep trying,
but we've already shown that like maybe we're not trying,
maybe we're just more so going with the flow,
is very important, and that is, is somebody willing,
is the person willing to look at themselves?
Because that makes a big difference.
There are some people that are narcissists
or different type of energy patterns
that they don't wanna look at themselves.
They don't wanna look at themselves.
You might be with somebody that drinks a lot of alcohol,
and you're like, listen, like this alcohol
is maybe ruining your life
and it's ruining our relationship.
And it may be that they don't wanna look at that,
that they're in denial of it.
And if they're not willing to look at it,
that may be a sign that you shouldn't keep trying.
Because everyone's on their own path.
One of my best friends growing up,
he has been like overweight his whole life.
And I remember every year he was talking about how,
"Oh, January 1st is coming up.
"I'm gonna lose that weight, I'm gonna lose that weight,
"I'm gonna lose that weight."
But then what would happen
is every time January 1st came around,
it was like we would like incentivize him, like,
"Okay, dude, come with us to the gym,
"come with us to the gym.
"It'll be so much fun, blah, blah, blah, blah.
"We'll help you, we'll do this, we'll do that."
He never wanted it because he has to want it for himself.
So if we just kept trying, kept trying, kept trying,
we'd be depleted on our energy.
But a sign that you can actually not keep trying
but intending or whatever word we wanna use
is that is this person willing to change?
Do they want to, not even to change,
but to look at themselves?
Because sometimes we fantasize
about what somebody could be,
and that emphasizes that someone's not good enough,
but also we're not in a relationship
with that person as they are.
So a big part of the process of this transformation is,
is this person willing to look at themselves?
Narcissists, probably not gonna look at themselves.
Not always, I guess, but a lot of times
they are very resistant to looking at themselves,
so you end up in this little trap.
And I know many of you watch this might be empaths,
so the kind of opposite of that in a way,
where you really feel everyone's energy
and you're trying to please everybody.
So are you willing to look at yourself?
Are you willing?
And are they willing to look at themselves?
So, to kind of recap, it's like letting go of trying,
letting go of the old self-image of them,
and then acknowledging,
are they willing to look at themselves?
And if they're not willing to look at themselves
and they're kind of lost in their process
of, "I am right, this is the way things are,"
then that's a sign that maybe you're depleting your energy
by trying so much.
Now, the last thing I wanted to share
that's also very powerful
is in relationship as well, when it comes to this,
you probably came to this because there's resistance
in your relationship or somebody you're dating,
but I will say that one of the things
that really changes a lot is when you learn
to accept this other person the way that they are.
Now, it sounds kind of interesting,
because on one hand, it's like,
I want them to be willing to change,
to be a little bit different.
But the lack of acceptance itself is an energy
that's keeping rigidity.
It's keeping things not flowing.
When what we really want in relationship
is we wanna be heard,
we wanna be seen, we want to be appreciated.
and we wanna be accepted.
So accepting the other person the way they are
may also open up a window
to where they are able to accept you the way that you are,
and that acceptance then allows the energy to move
instead of the rigidity
of trying to control different aspects of this.
So a sign that somebody else
is worth keeping putting that energy into
is asking yourself,
can you accept them and can they accept you?
Do they have that within themselves
to have that kind of open energy flow?
Because acceptance is a very powerful energy
for releasing resistance.
And when we accept,
and we also see that a lot of times in relationship,
we're dealing with our own childhood stuff
that is unresolved that we're projecting it
onto other people.
So acceptance is accepting them and seeing them,
that maybe they are going through this childhood stuff,
just like we all are,
but are they willing to look at it,
and can you accept that in them?
Because as you accept it, and then they accept it in you.
You see, the interesting thing
about the signs of the other person
is at the deepest level of reality,
there really is no other person.
We are reflections of our own energy.
So the resistance we have in somebody else
might be the resistance that we have
with our dad or our mom.
I know I have a friend that gets,
she gets triggered when somebody is sloppy,
puts trash on the floor and isn't clean,
but that's because her dad was very messy.
Her dad was an alcoholic,
and anytime her partner does that, she gets triggered.
But that's part of the work.
So it's almost like at a certain level,
I could see that maybe accepting his messiness
would maybe help him stop being so messy,
but also she could look at it,
is he willing to be more clean? (laughs)
It's a funny perspective that these things are,
but a lot of times it stems from the childhood stuff.
So becoming aware of that really helps us
to release these patterns
that are keeping us in familiar energies
and also causing the resistance in of itself.
Now, something that I've done two or three times a year
the last couple years
is something called the 21 Day Challenge.
And I have these 21 day challenges where what we do is we go
through a process of releasing these old patterns.
We go through a process of becoming more confident,
releasing attachment styles
that are keeping us in codependent energies,
letting go of, like tuning into other people's frame
in order to feel safety.
And one of the most powerful things that we can do
is go through a group process together.
And on July 1st to July 21st, we're gonna be going
through a 21 Day Confidence Love Challenge.
So this is for self-love, this is for feeling confidence.
Confidence is about trusting ourselves, trusting ourselves,
trusting the universe,
releasing fear and judgment that we have,
reframing insecurities.
There's coaching sessions we're gonna be going through,
there's group meditations we're gonna be doing.
It's a 21 day transformational process.
It's not like YouTube,
where you just passively watch videos.
There's actually a group with accountability involved.
So if you want to completely transform your life,
if you want to wire in a more confident you
in 21 days are less,
then go to confidencelovechallenge.com
or click the link below.
We're gonna be going live.
We're gonna be going through those processes,
and if you can't make it live,
you can always watch the replays afterwards.
We'll be sending those out,
but this is something I've had over 12, 10 or 12,000 people
go through my challenges over the last couple years.
Read the, like read what's possible.
If you've been through my challenges before,
go and comment below
and let me know what your experience was
so other people can see what's possible.
And then join at confidencelovechallenge.com.
I can't wait. Now is the best time to join as well
to get the early bird special,
and all you gotta do is click the link below.
Now also, if you want to know why when you let go,
it smooths out all the energy and it hasn't come back,
this video right here changes everything.
Why is it that when you want someone,
when you desire them,
they feel that energy
and it literally repels them away like a magnet?
However, the moment you actually let them go,
like right now as I do this,
these are really strong magnets, by the way.