- Pandemic made people crazy.
I thought we're all gonna come together.
That's what I believed
from all the movies I watched as a kid.
I thought if humans were ever threatened
with an existential threat,
we would abandon every single fight we were having
and we would come together to win.
You know?
I thought if that virus came, we'd all be there.
We'd be like, "All right, no more racism, no more sexism.
Let's do this together!"
And we'd go and we'd defeat the enemy aliens.
And then we'd come back and be like, all right
let's get back to the racism and sexism.
(audience laughing)
It's like in "Independence Day."
That's what happened, remember?
Yeah, that's what I grew up watching.
Everyone in the world came together to fight the aliens.
We stopped all of our, there was no politics.
There was no nothing.
We unified and we won.
And then in real life, what did we do?
We fought each other and we lost.
We were supposed to be a team.
Will Smith was supposed to be our hero.
(audience laughing)
None of it went as planned!
As humans, we've become so comfortable knowing,
that we forget how uncertain life is.
We get taught every single day
that we know, we know, we know.
We get comfortable knowing, so you think you'll always know.
What's the traffic gonna be like?
You know.
What's the weather gonna be like?
You know.
Oh, it'll rain on Thursday.
You understand what a magic trick that is?
If you had that technology 500 years ago,
you were like, "Oh it'll rain on Thursday."
People would be like (chanting).
(audience laughing)
I remember how confident world leaders were as well.
Some more cocky than others.
One of my favorites was
Prime Minister of the UK, Boris Johnson.
(audience laughing)
Yeah, he was an interesting one.
(audience laughing)
He went to a hospital during the pandemic
and he was hugging people.
Like right at the beginning,
he was hugging people, going around hugging people.
Journalists asked him, they're like,
"Prime Minister Johnson,
do you think it's appropriate
for you to be hugging people during a pandemic?"
He's like, "First of all, everyone needs to calm down.
This is not a pandemic.
Look at my head.
Do I look stressed?
Everybody needs to calm down.
Nothing.
Everything is fine.
I can touch people.
We're not shutting down.
Everything's staying open.
The pubs will stay open.
The football stays open.
Now, if you excuse me,
I have to go blah blah blah blah blah."
He was just gone, didn't give a shit.
America's president, oh, he was even cockier.
Yeah.
You see him when he came out, Donald J. Trump?
Oh, he had all the swag.
He was like, "Folks, we're gonna have it handled
(audience laughing)
in 21 days.
21 days.
The virus will be gone, 21 days.
Some are even saying 20."
(audience laughing)
That disease came and kicked Trump
and Boris deep in the chest.
Both men went to the ICU, almost died.
Only reason they survived
is because they're both heads of state.
They gave them that secret juice.
(audience laughing)
Boris, to his credit, he came out of that hospital
like he had seen Jesus.
(audience laughing)
He came from the hospital,
held a press conference, shut everything down.
He came there barely dressed.
He was like, "Everybody, this is not a joke.
I've seen it for myself.
The UK's shutting down.
Please, the football's gone.
The pubs are gone.
Do not take this lightly.
I've experienced this myself.
I promise this is not fun.
I can't talk, I have to go.
Please, I can't talk.
I have to come home."
And he just gone.
(audience laughing)
Gone, that man was terrified.
I was half expecting Coronavirus
to come around the corner like (clicking).
(audience laughing)
Trump on the other hand, didn't give a damn.
That man will die from being stubborn.
(audience laughing)
He came out of the hospital, could barely breathe,
but still held a press conference.
Didn't even speak.
He was just like (breathing heavily).
(audience laughing)
If I can do it, so can you.
(audience laughing)
Such a fun sound.
Sound of happiness.
The sound of white happiness in particular.
Yeah.
I've tracked it.
I've searched for the source of woo-hoo
and I found it originated with white people.
(audience laughing)
White woman in particular.
That's where it comes from.
That is the sound of a white woman's turn up.
That is the sound of her getting into the game.
It's like "Tammy, woo-hoo!"
(audience laughing)
And that's when you know it's on.
Yeah. 'Cause everyone else learned it from a white woman.
That's where it came from.
You know, it spread through society like a virus.
It's not the natural sound anybody else makes.
White women make that sound instinctively,
but everyone else has learned it.
Like white men were the first ones to learn it.
Because for them, it's sort of like a mating call.
They know what it means.
They have to reciprocate like "Woo-hoo!"
"Woo-hoo."
But everyone else had to learn it.
It's a natural sound for them, but for nobody else.
Like black people woo-hoo, but it's not the natural sound
Black people make for fun.
You know, Black people can woo-hoo.
Black people often do woo-hoo.
But it's not instinctively a Black sound of happiness.
And I think it's because Black people are uncomfortable
with the woo-hoo.
(audience laughing)
Deep down inside there's a certain moment in woo-hoo
when every Black person stops enjoying it.
There's just a moment when,
and maybe this is just my personal experiences,
but I feel it sounds eerily similar to a police siren.
There's just a moment
(audience laughing)
where it stops being fun.
(audience laughing)
It's just that split second was like, woo-hoo!
Woo woo woo whoop whoop woo,
woo, woop, bloop. (audience laughing)
I'm like, put your hands in the air
and keep them there.
(audience laughing)
Terrorism is not a race, it's an act.
It evolved over time.
Yes, right now, we're dealing with extremism,
Islamic terror in some parts of the world.
But if you go to other parts of the world
and ask them what a terrorist is,
they'll show you a different face.
You go to England 20 years ago
and you said, what was a terrorist?
They'd show you a drunk Irishman.
Right? (audience laughing)
I didn't need to say drunk.
I could have just said Irishman.
(audience laughing)
There was a time when Nelson Mandela
was labeled a terrorist.
Like terrorism is an act.
It's not a face.
People say these things.
Well, these Muslims, you gotta admit
there's an awful lot of them.
Awful lot of them doing the same thing.
You're like yeah, but you know who's not a terrorist?
Most Muslims.
Yeah. (audience cheering)
Most Muslims are not terrorists.
I'm not even Muslim, but it gets to me
'cause I'm like most Muslim people are not terrorists.
You know how you know this?
Because we're still alive.
Yeah.
They've had ample opportunity to take us out, people.
There's a billion Muslim people on the planet.
They've had every chance.
They could have killed us using those falafels
they sell us after midnight when we come out the club.
(audience laughing)
They could've wiped us all out
with their killer kebabs.
(audience laughing)
I would've never learned about America.
I would've never come out to places
like Washington DC,
never learned to drive on the other side of the road.
I would've never learned about charming racism
had I not come to this beautiful country.
(audience laughing)
Probably something that changed my life forever.
Charming racism.
(audience laughing)
Classic, American charming racism.
(audience laughing)
I never knew there was such a thing growing up.
And I thought I knew all about racism.
I always, you know, coming from the home
of some of the best racism in the world,
(audience laughing)
no, and I don't mean to brag,
but South Africa is by far like
we've got top quality racism out there.
Like it's handcrafted.
You don't get racism like that anymore.
Like I've seen racism all over the world.
To be honest, the standards have dropped.
There's not what it used to be like.
I'm talking about quality racism, you know.
Now it's cheap and mass produced,
probably made in China now.
I'm talking about real racism.
(audience laughing)
I discovered charming racism
in a place called Lexington, Kentucky.
(audience laughing)
I dunno if you've ever been, but you really need to go.
It's a beautiful place.
Old school, charming racism with a smile
and the tip of a hat.
(audience laughing)
Everyone in Lexington had this vibe, the smile,
the charm, the drawl.
Oh, the southern drawl.
I love it so much.
They would speak out there.
The grammar's horrible, but it's still beautiful.
(audience laughing)
No, 'cause the sentences don't really make sense.
They'd be like,
"Y'all ain't never done gone seen none of them out."
And it's like, that's, (audience laughing)
that's not English.
Your autocorrect is broken.
I don't know what that, but it's beautiful, you know?
In fact, when they speak really fast
sometimes it sounds like someone's playing a banjo
inside their mouths.
That's what it sounds like to me.
I asked two men for directions and they started arguing.
It was the most beautiful sound I've ever heard in my life.
The guy was like, "Where you goin', boy?"
Said, "I'm going to the theater.
Can you direct me?"
He said, "Oh, you gon' get on lil' way on that road."
(mumbling)
And the friend was like, (mumbling).
(audience laughing)
It was almost... (audience laughing)
It sounded like someone started a Mumford and Sons concert
in their mouth.
(audience laughing)
'Cause one minute they were talking
and then they got into it and the guy was like,
(sing song mumbling) (audience laughing)
(audience laughing)