- She looked up, she was like,
"Sorry if I ain't doin' a good job."
"I don't even really suck dick. I'm a lesbian."
I was like, "Oh, shit.
Crack is addictive."
[dark electronic music]
- Welcome to "This Is Not Happening."
I'm Roy Wood Jr.
We all come from somewhere, from someone,
who nurtures us, protects us,
and teaches us.
- Ah!
[silverware clattering]
- Some are better at it than others.
♪ ♪
[girl giggling]
♪ ♪
- Ow!
[cheers and applause]
ByronBowersLive.com is his website.
He is Byron Bowers.
[cheers and applause]
- I'ma tell you about a very important day in my life.
The day I found out my dad smoked crack.
So now I'm a young dude,
couple years into my teens.
Naive.
I ain't even cursed then.
I still prayed before every meal.
It's back when prayers were short.
Remember when you was young, how short prayers were?
Before life kicked in and you needed to pray for more shit?
Back then, you know?
Wholesome young man.
Went to visit my dad, Athens, Georgia.
I remember getting that phone call.
I got excited,
'cause I ain't seen my dad in two years.
He was in a mental institution.
He just got out.
He was about to put the world on his ass.
He was like, "Yo, I'm out. Let's kick it."
I got excited. Went to Athens, Georgia.
You know, we just got this brand-new coupe,
Cougar, blue.
It was dope as fuck.
Plush. Smelled like cigarettes.
It was used as hell.
But it don't matter 'cause he was fresh
out of the mental home, you know?
I remember when I seen the coupe, I was like,
"This shit about to be dope."
He made plans.
Any time I make plans, a man make plans
to kick it with his kids, that's special.
"Hey, you want to go get something to eat?
"We're gonna go to the movies.
"If you go to sleepy early, I'm gonna go get my some [mumbles]
You know?"
You know when dudes talk low like that,
that's when all the fun shit happens?
Like, "I'ma drop you off, 'cause I'm about to go
get me some [mumbles]"
When dudes start talking in Wingdings,
you know when these... [mumbles]
"Let me tell you what the fuck
we about to get into, nigga."
Went in his pocket, pulled out $30, gave it to me.
I was like, "Oh, shit. This nigga doing it."
I ain't never had $30 before. You know what I mean?
That's a lot of money for a nigga to just give somebody.
That's how I felt. Just gave me $30.
He doing it. Two bills!
A 20 and a 10!
I was on top of the world.
I put that shit in my pocket. Poof!
Gone, disappeared.
We get in the car, about to go,
all of a sudden, I see this zombie walking down the street.
Like, he just got bit. Like, a fresh zombie bite.
Like, he still walk a little bit,
but he's just got a limp.
Not full zombie, but he like, "Ehh."
But, like, like, you know,
this was before I knew what a drug fiend was.
You know, a guys just was stumbling like,
"Uh, boy, help me. Get off the street."
He was one of those guys.
"Hey, Don!" Dad like, "Yo, what's up, man?"
"Hey, run me up to the street!"
"No, man, I can't run you up to the street today.
"I got my son with me.
We supposed to go to the movies."
"Man, come on, man, run me up the street
"to shorty's house.
"You know we going to get some
of that motherfuckin' [mumbles]."
And I was like, "Oh, shit."
Any time, you know, you were a young kid
and a adult come, you like, oh, start to get a little jealous
'cause, you know whatever they Wingdinging over there
can get--throw me out the game.
So we hop in the car, we go around the corner, right,
a place called Rock Springs.
The projects. But I ain't know at first.
I saw the buildings, I was like, "Nigga,
is this the projects?"
That's what my instincts said.
And that's some real shit.
Ain't nobody instincts politically correct.
That motherfucker tell you straight like it is.
"Nigga, is this the projects?"
I don't care what nationality you is.
You see something sketchy, your instincts are gonna be like,
"Nigga, that motherfucker a rapist."
We went into this house next to the projects.
Scary house.
One of the houses where everything made noise
when you got inside.
Everything was scary.
The door... [imitates creaking]
The floor... [imitates creaking]
The rug... [imitates crunching]
The light was dim; the light was scared to go in that bitch.
The light was creeping in like,
"What y'all nigga doing in here?"
And I'm like, "Man, get in there!
I need you to see!"
"Come on in!" That's what the lady said.
Come on in!
The door... [imitates creaking]
Lady in the kitchen, cooking.
Dope.
Crack.
I don't know if you ever smelled crack before,
but it smell like aluminum foil tastes.
You ever taste aluminum foil?
Never?
You never, like, tried to get, like, a fake grill
and put aluminum foil in your mouth?
So you can stunt on them hoes?
Like, nigga. Nigga.
You ain't never did that?
Just put that shit in your mouth and be like, "Nigga."
Okay.
Anyway, you know what I mean, you got that taste to it.
You taste it in the air like, "Oh, shit."
You know something wrong,
even as a youth.
That lady turn around.
She was like, what, all y'all three of y'all want something?
Dad was like, "No, this is my son."
And I was like, "Oh, shit, how fucked up do I look...
Where she think I'm one of these dudes?"
That's when I was over it.
I'm like, "Man, I need to get out of here."
And I looked, and there was a back door open,
and it had a basketball right outside.
And in the projects, they had a basketball court.
So that was my excuse.
It's like the universe was telling me,
"Get the fuck outta here."
So I was like, "Hey, Dad, I'm gonna go play basketball."
He was like, "Hey, why don't you go play basketball,"
like it was his idea, like he thought of it.
So I grabbed the ball, and I go outside,
and it was scary as shit,
because I had to cross the threshold into the projects.
And if you don't live in the projects,
you don't got no business in the goddamn projects.
And the only people I knew that lived in the projects,
one of 'em died.
So who the fuck I'ma yell for?
So I tried to be tough, walking in the projects
to go shoot basketball, but guess what.
I can't play goddamn basketball.
I sucked at basketball!
Got cut from everything I tried out for.
And people looking at me like, "Who the fuck this nigga?"
That's what they do when you walk in any hood
and they don't know you. Like, "Who the fuck
is this motherfucker with these little ass shorts on?"
I shoot a ball, air ball, miss.
I just watch the ball just miss,
and I'm like, "Oh, shit, I'm about to get my ass whupped."
I'm out there trying to shoot. I'm nervous.
Any time somebody make a move, I'm doing this.
All the sudden, my dad come outside, "Hey, hey,
"what's up, man? Oh, you playing basketball.
Let me see that ball." Pang!
He missed.
But he didn't give a fuck about playing basketball.
He just turned to me and I saw the look in his eyes
and it was intense. It was intense.
I ain't even recognize him. He was like, "Hey, man.
You got that $20 I gave you?"
And I was like, "Shit."
Yeah, I got it, but that shit was deep.
I'm not used to having $30.
I'm giving this dude 75% of my money.
I don't even know if it's 75%,
'cause I ain't never had 30 goddamn dollars before
to even do the math!
And I reached in; now that shit was so folded so tight,
like, them last two pieces of toilet paper.
You know how you fold that shit?
It was deep. Like, I had to unfold it
to see what it is.
I was like, "Yeah, here it is right here."
And he was like, "All right, I'll be back."
And he just, like...
Just danced his ass away. You know what I mean?
And I'm feeling bad now,
'cause I'm like, "Man, I missed dinner."
I was like, "All right, we still go to the movies."
You know what I mean?
Still, I'm out there bricking the ball, boom.
People going around, I'm talking to 'em a little bit,
nervous as fuck.
My dad come back ten minutes later.
"Hey, man, you got that other ten?"
I was like, "No.
No, I must've dropped that shit."
You know what I mean? [laughs]
He's like, "All right, all right.
I'll be back. You good? You good?"
And then he left, right?
He left, and I was like, "Man," it started to hit me,
like, "Man, I think my dad on drugs.
Man, if he was on drugs, that would be fucked up."
Like, I'm about to miss a movie now.
I done drove an hour.
Damn, I ain't going to get to see "Addams Family Values."
You know what I mean?
I shoot a shot, just as I miss, just as I air-ball it,
you see the ball--
and I see the blue Cougar just drive off.
And I'm like, "Oh, fuck.
"This nigga just left me in the projects.
By myself."
And the loneliness and the abandonment that came
over me during that time,
Fucked me up.
Like, I'll never forget it.
Life-changing, because that was a moment for me
where someone was like, "You gotta do something
with your life."
You got to check the fuck outta here.
Whoever is responsible for you is gone.
It's up to you now.
You got to do what the fuck you gotta do
to get out this situation.
And...
I ain't have no self-esteem
because he just took it to the pawn shop.
Cut to four year later,
partial basketball scholarship
and I'm selling crack cocaine.
Like, 18 years old.
And I ain't the best coke dealer, you know what I mean?
'Cause the person--my OG keep calling,
sending me on weird-ass jobs.
Get a phone call, like, "Hey, man,
"this chick want some rocks, but she ain't got no money,
"so I want you take her and let her suck your dick.
Want you to give her two rocks."
I was like, "All right, I'll do that shit."
Fuck these junkies.
But it was all out of anger, because my dad was a junkie.
You know what I mean?
So I ain't give a fuck about no other junkies out there.
So I'm getting my dick sucked
in a Honda Accord
behind a grocery store.
And it's weird.
It's weird. It's a weird moment.
How the fuck did I get here?
And it was even more weird for her.
You know what I mean? She looked up,
she was like, "Sorry if I ain't doing a good job."
"I don't even really suck dick. I'm a lesbian."
I was like, "Oh, shit.
Crack is addictive."
Crack is addictive.
I thought it was on the person that smoked the crack.
No, this shits gets a hold on you.
That's a powerful ass drug.
And I can't come.
That's a tough situation.
But I'ma tell you why,
'cause when I looked up, it's a park right there.
And at that park, in that basketball court,
is a father and son playing basketball.
And I'm getting my dick sucked
in this Honda Accord, trying not to cry...
A father and son playing goddamn basketball!
That could have been my life.
And I can't even look up or down,
so I'm just looking out the window, trying to find
some inspiration so I can finish.
And seeing that father and son play ball,
I've recognized something that no matter how much money
I made selling crack or how successful I got,
I never could buy the thing that I wanted,
which was the bond of a father and son, together.
And that was one of the last moments,
you know what I mean,
that I decided to sell crack.
I came though.
[cheers and applause]
♪ ♪
- Byron Bowers, everybody.
Byron Bowers!