If you consider yourself a little bit shy, then let me know if you ever seen this
play out in your own life in a corporation or business you might work
for there's one person who is a little bit more shy I'm not talking about you
just someone in the company but he knows a ton super smart guy maybe he's been
around for a long time and then there's a guy who's very outgoing and very
opinionated maybe he's been there a fraction of the time the other guy's
been but it's very outspoken and when they both go against each other and say
the answer to a question which the guy who is more shy is way more qualified to
answer or even it's up for a promotion a lot of times the guy that is just more
outgoing and loud gets the position or is heard or is respected or they go to
his answer above the person who's maybe even a specialist in the field it's
incredible how that works so today in this video I want to talk about how if
you are a little bit shy how you can take a step towards coming across this a
little bit more confident so you can get the benefits of that while maintaining
all the strengths of being a little bit more shy potentially a little bit more
introverted as you go so what a lot of people don't understand is shyness is
indicated to people in your sub communications so it's a self-fulfilling
prophecy meaning you are basically telling the other person to treat you in
a way like you're shy or you may be not confident unfortunately sometimes low
social status comes along with people who are attributed to being not
competent I'm not saying this is true a lot of times I people are very confident
but it comes across that way and therefore you're telling people
unfortunately to treat you in that way and the three biggest ways that comes
across or your body language your tonality and your pinging and I'm going
to talk about all three of those today and talk about how you can mitigate
those problems to actually come across in a competent way even when you're
feeling shy so first of all with your body language a lot of times shy people
they just are comfortable naturally taking up as much space so their
shoulders are a little in maybe they're a little bit's lunched a little bit over
they're not taking up as much space they're not moving in a competent
grandiose way so one of the things you can think about is just trying out
seeing how it feels to move in a way that someone who is a
hundred percent confident that they're right there are a hundred percent sure
that they have the respect of the person they're talking to and there are a
hundred percent sure that they're the leader in that group how might your body
language change sure it's not going to be like Tony Robbins up on the stage
that class is unbelievable but it's going to be it's going to be a
step in that direction and most likely in your brain you are overestimating
just how big of gestures and how much room you're taking up it's actually
probably more to the normal spectrum so try that out the next time you're around
somebody and you're feeling a little bit shy your vocal tonality now this is
something that really tells so much about how you're feeling inside how are
you talking the inflections in your voice the strength of your voice or the
resonance of your voice you're once again telling people how copy you are
that the shy guy says no actually I've done this experiment before and this is
the way it comes out I've tested it three times and the loud guy says nope I
saw it on TV before and this is the way it's going to be who do people believe
unfortunately it's a person that speaks it's more competent that's all about
your tone of voice now if you felt like you always have had a bit of a weak
voice if you're trying to improve on your tonality get a stronger voice you
can actually touch up here if you're on a mobile device or your iPad or click
right here to get my free vocal tonality power checklist and that's something is
going to give you six things you can immediately look at to improve that tone
of voice but the second is tonality so always be aware how you're coming across
take a step towards a more assertive towards a more rapport breaking tonality
when you're situations like that and just see how people respond realize that
when you do tend to be a little bit more shy your tonality is a little bit more
supplicated it's a little less convincing it's a little less
authoritative we want to get you to the point of the middle if not even a bit of
a step to the right now the third thing is pinging and what pinging is is when
you look around at other people in the environment basically what you're doing
is trying to ensure that what you're doing is okay or acceptable so people
who are a little more shy or maybe a little less confident social situations
they're always looking at the eyes of other people too
be sure that people aren't looking and looking I'm like man that guy just made
a huge blunder but the problem is when you do that you're telling people yeah
not that confident here I'm feeling pretty shy you know maybe I haven't been
here before maybe I don't like being here and maybe these things are true but
a fortune people perceive this they perceive you as being less confident and
maybe less in the right place so when you talk and you're trying to speak with
authority when you're always looking around this you're going to be a little
less convincing so understand that pinging or when you're looking around it
communicates these things to people so what are you going to do just do it
laughs you're going to feel when you first start to do it less like you're
flying blind you're got no confirmation that what you're doing is right or wrong
and it's going to be a bit uncomfortable but as you begin to do it more and more
you'll realize that it's so rare that you ever actually get any information
from pinging around and looking at people that it's really a no-brainer so
what I would like you to do is the next time in that situation we talked about
this a little bit with your body language but imagine what someone would
behave like in their body language their voice and their tonality if they were a
hundred percent sure that they were the leader in the group they are respected
everything they're doing they have complete certainty and how would that
change that's an easy one thing to think about
if you don't want to think about all these little different things now that
you understand tonality and pinging and body language
it'll help but just getting your mind what would that person who had that true
belief in that mindset what would they look like what would they sound like and
try it out sure you're going to make some mistakes at first you're going to
do some things you're going to try to go a little bit too far and it's going to
be uncalibrated but you're going to have to make these mistakes to get to the
point that you want to be don't let that shine it's hold you back
don't let that shyness be misconstrued as a lack of confidence or even worse
don't let it be misconstrued as someone who's less qualify too many times that
happens now if you're talking about being socially aware and understanding
what's going around you socially and that's something that you've always
wanted to improve on I have a program solve a social invincibility program
that goes through all of these different components that I put together that will
get you to a really advanced level of understanding of social interaction in
general a lot of times people who are more shy
they've had less chances to be social and so they haven't had as many trial
and errors so a lot of times their entire social skill or social awareness
can be a little bit low so this is a nice way to jump up to a higher level if
that's something that you're interested in learning