- Why am I in your life?
(laughs)
- Thanks to Playboy Magazine sending me
my very first assignment with these Marlboro Men.
I mean, this is how we met, right?
But I think you are still in my life
and to put it really bluntly because I got pregnant,
which wasn't exactly planned at that stage.
And who knows if you would still be my in life
if that hadn't happened, who knows?
I'm pretty sure I would've moved on.
- Probably not, yeah.
- Just because there's always another exciting thing,
another exciting person and I didn't want to be tied down.
I'd come out of 10 years inbetween 20 and 30 relationship
and then this engagement was clearly not a good idea.
And so I probably would've not chosen you
because I wasn't ready to choose anyone.
So I was chosen by nature coming or you or whatever.
So, yeah.
My turn, how do you describe our relationship to others?
- Oh,
loving,
trusting,
honest
and open
or poly or whatever you want to call it.
Honest.
- But do you describe it to others as that?
- Loving.
- Yeah, but-- - Honest.
- Open, have you ever,
if someone would ask you?
- Depends on who asks me.
- Yeah.
- If you could change one thing about our relationship
what would it be and why?
- If I could change one thing it would probably be that
a lot of these things that we've only learned
in the last years about ourselves,
about connection, about intimacy, about sexuality,
I've wished that I had gone down that path earlier.
I wish almost that we had had less conventional life
to some degree, as much as I love who we are
and what we have and what this is all built on.
But in some ways I just I kind of wish
I'd come to this level of freedom and authenticity
and honesty early in life.
- Yeah.
- I wish I could take things back and yeah--
When do people judge us, and why do you think they do?
- We haven't discussed the polyamory too much in open
but there's heaps of judgment at the-
Even when there's a little bit of discussion about it.
Yeah, that's obviously a minefield with us.
Yeah and that's probably probably the biggest,
but not only have they this perfect life
but then they even need to be open
in their relationship or polyamorous.
When is it enough?
- Like we want too much.
- Yeah.
- So, I know that these things have been circulating
and we've probably only know the tip of the iceberg.
- They're swingers. - Swingers.
- Well that's the thing that was went around for a while.
- Yeah, and it's far from it.
So, I think I'm pretty sure that there's judgment
about that and like I said it could come from,
you know, curiosity and envy or it's kind of salacious.
Yeah, it doesn't feel good.
- When do you feel closest to me?
- When I'm actually in a bad state,
suffering from, say, PTSD
or just stuff that's been really hard for me,
going through something really big
and then being held by you and--
When you're my rock
and you understand what this is that I have.
I feel very close to you then.
I definitely got that with you
and a lot more but that's the fundamentals of it.
When is the last time you considered leaving
this relationship and why didn't you?
- I fantasize with being on my own a lot
and when I'm angry then I think I should just leave.
- Seriously?
That time up in the office,
that's not too long ago, remember?
When you walked out and-
- Yeah, yeah, yeah.
- And you wanted to go and sleep in an Airbnb
that night or something.
- Yeah, yeah.
Yeah, but that's a quick emotional response
and
I'm a sucker for solitude.
So,
when I feel misunderstood and not heard and
then I've got this tiredness of
do I have to discuss that again?
But it's not a serious,
it's more romantic, stubborn idea.
- So you going on the three month motorbike trip
by yourself next year,
is this some small way of leaving the relationship?
- No, it's just a healthier way of feeding my--
- First step?
- My solitude.
- See what it feels like?
(laughing)
- Why do you love me?
- Because of all the things you've said here
for being so courageous
and looking at yourself
and being willing to change in lots of ways
and finding yourself
and how you've done that
and how caring you are
and what you do for others.
And I actually see nothing of it
because I don't see you in hospital and as a doctor
but I love you for that as well.
That caring that you bring and that professionalism.
I love you for the father you are.
I love you for the cheekiness that's there still.
- Every now and then.
That unconventionalism,
that daringness that you can just,
you're just open to just do something new.
And at the same time that you have that solidity
of your values, I really love your values.
and that you-- - Wow.
- Yeah, and how kind you are with people
and how you really try and see the good in other things.
But at the same time
you're willing to make a stand where it really matters.
- Thank you.
- I really love you for that.
- Your courage, without your courage
my life would've been so much more boring.
We probably wouldn't be in New Zealand
and I would be a professor of urology somewhere
in a shitty town in Germany and would be divorced.
Your truthfulness
and your courage
and your empathy and your big heart
to drop everything at any time to help somebody.
If there's a problem and there's a quarrel
you'll be the last man standing.
You've got power like a nuclear power plant.
At the same time you have vulnerabilities,
extremely beautiful and I love that.
You're quite careful and guarded with a lot of people
and you allowed me in
and that is the greatest compliment
that I ever had in my life
that allowed me into your heart.
But your truthfulness and authenticity.
Honesty and authenticity are my two values
and you're a level 10 black belt with that one
which is tough at times
but I absolutely honor that and love it.
- Hey everybody, thank you so much for being here.
It's Nick from the "Skin Deep"
and I just wanted to let you know that, you know,
these conversations are all facilitated
by our questions and we've taken those questions
and put them into the end card game.
So, if you want to have more meaningful conversations
if you want to start deepening the connections in your life
go to shop.theskindeep.com
to check out our card game
and all the other stuff that we're doing.
So thanks so much.