Hi, my name is Helga.
I'm 12 years old
and no, I'm not in the mood.
I am very clear about what is cool
and what is not cool in life.
Air guitar is cool.
TikToks are not cool.
Horror movies are cool.
Love movies suck.
Bah...Love is generally not cool
It makes people assholes, like it's happening now
to my mother with her new boyfriend,
a half shitty guy who keeps talking shit on her ear all day long.
So now she takes no notice of me anymore
and has left me for a few days
with my grandparents, who she also ignores pretty much.
I haven’t seen them since I was little,
I only remember
the smell of pot meat, the cheek pinching,
the fucking concerts of “gralla”...
and a country house that scared the shit out of me.
HERE LIVES A CATALAN
Welcome home, Helga.
Damn it!
Get in.
Guifré
leave the girl, you bastard,
get out!
Let's go...
Did you see how cute we were as a young couple?
Montse sweetie, look who's here!
Grandma, half of her body is asleep,
she's missing one arm and she’s not all there.
They say she had an accident once,
but... I think she's too lazy to walk.
Montse.
My real father told me
that she reported some communists during the war, and that a coronel
compensated her with gold,
but I think that if she were rich, she wouldn't live in this shitty house.
Well, she will say hello later,
it's just that when she watches TV
there's no way she'll pay attention to anything else.
Here,
alphabet soup!
The one you like,
with homemade meatballs.
I liked it when I was little.
Come on, don't be a city slicker and eat it,
you're too scrawny, girl.
Here, Grandma.
Come on.
Grandpa always cooks soup,
soup and those nasty meatballs,
but he also takes care of Grandma.
The poor woman I don't know how she does it
since she only has one arm,
They are very scary.
As you can see my grandparents are not cool. NOT COOL
HELLO
Would you like some?
I'm 12.
That's why I'm telling you, fuck it,
today's youth can’t even stand half a slap in the face.
We're not having dinner today either, ay...
What were you saying?
SOS
If you are not eating it, I'll give it to the dog.
Here Guifré, take it!
Hours here go by slowly and tediously,
sometimes it's cold,
sometimes it's hot,
or maybe it’s menopause that’s hitting me.
If I can get that fucking tractor started,
maybe I'll be able to go home.
Are you asking me for help, grandma?!
Is it grandpa?
Is he dangerous?
Guifré! Come on, come over here!
Let’s cut some meat
Hey, what are you two doing here?
Let's go inside and I'll make lunch.
Come on, let's go inside.
Strange things are happening in this country house.
maybe it has something to do with the Communists’ gold...
Come on, stay still,
I'll hurt you even more,
bloody hell.
Hold still sweetie.
What happened to grandma?
I cut her a little by accident, shaving her four hairs,
she's very flirty.
Damn TV, what a piece of shit.
Pantry?
Now I'm listening! Come on!
Come on! Kill him! Kill him!
LUNGS-CHEST
STOMACH-THIGHS
LUNGS-BOLLOCKS
LIVER
Helga!
What are you doing here?
I can see you've discovered my little secret, haven't you?
The best meat in the county, girl.
Come, you'll help me
to prepare the meatballs...
Strike with your sickle!
Strike with your sickle
defenders of the land!
Strike with
your sickle
Grandpa,
why is there so much meat in the fridge?
Here in the country house we have always been very foresighted,
we always must have a full pantry.
What if we have another war?
Like the civil war? With the Communists?
Who told you about the Commies?
Well,
my father told me about the Communists, and a treasure...
Bah... Bullshit.
You simply need to have things always foreseen,
nothing more than that.
And why are there no chickens or sheep in the farmyard?
A bad plague took them all away,
Teresa, Queralt, Ivonne...
luckily
grandfather has been canning for many years.
And
grandma also got the plague and that's why she's like this?
No, no man, she had a little shock
in the brain,
she does some crazy things but do not suffer for her,
she is very happy
and I take good care of her.
Till death do us part.
What about you?
Are you meeting someone already?
Not at all.
Good, I'm glad.
There's a lot of bastards out there.
There's an art to making meatballs.
Look,
look at this one,
it's coming out perfect.
Do you want to try it?
No, I don't.
Come on, girl! Raw is the best way to taste them!
Come on...
Damn
“Good evening, today we’ll attend the broadcast of the slaughter of the pig”
“the annual celebration has been carried out on the occasion of the regional festivities”
"The villagers have chosen the biggest pig..."
Helga.
Are you all right?
-What did you do to me? -Nothing,
you fainted and got a small cut,
but nothing serious.
We were worried,
I could already see myself carrying two wheelchairs.
Dinner's on the table. Come on, let's go.
But I think I'm sick,
Maybe I'll go to bed.
Helga sit down and eat please!
“Two youngsters pull the pig with ropes.
Straightaway they raise it to place it over the plank.
Everybody shout for the death of the piglet.
The piglet is near to death and tries to battle with all its might.
The villagers hold the animal
as the farmer makes the first incision on its meat.”
“And he goes through its neck!”
Stop eating my grandma, you old son old a bitch!
“Guts and blood spill out
from the entrails of the beast.”
“Step by step they move the rest of the parts away from the body...”
Guifré stop barking for fuck's sake!
Granny I'm going to get help,
tell me where the door key is.
Guifré, what are you looking for?
I don't understand you, tell me with the soup.
Come on,
What are you looking for Guifré?
What do you want?
Come on,
come on,
TV.
Fuck it off, I’ll get a stick
Wait, what?
Where do you think you're going?
I'm going to get the cops because you're a crazy fucker
-who wants to kill us. -What the hell are you saying now?
You're eating grandma because she won't tell you
where the Communists' treasure is!
-But who told you that nonsense?! -You make meatballs
out of her and put them into the soup,
that's why she has no arm and no toes,
and you've probably done it to a lot more people, just like the Commies
you’re keeping everything in the pantry!
Don't talk rubbish!
-Give me the key! -No!
Give me the fucking key!!!
“And this is how the piglet slaughter concludes this year.”
Grandma is being taken
to the hospital for a while to help her get over it all.
The police say that everything points to a domestic accident,
but that I will have to go to the psychologist for a long time,
poor grandma, I feel so sorry for everything she has been through,
at least now she is healthy and protected from that psychopath,
too bad that in the end it seems that there was no communist gold and...
THE COUNTRY HOUSE