There's so much drama going on in the world right now.
I think people are tired of that.
They need a break.
So you know it'd be more refreshing is hearing
about somebody else's drama.
So today I'm going to talk about what's
going on in the animal kingdom.
I saw this headline today--
"Gay Male Penguins Steal Nest From Lesbian Penguin Couple."
[LAUGHTER]
So now I have questions.
Why are they taking a nest?
How are they having a baby?
Mary, you're gay.
You have kids.
How does that work?
[LAUGHTER]
Did you steal a nest?
I did not steal a nest.
I don't know why they need the nest.
My penguin questions were answered
when I saw this next headline--
"Gay Penguins Steal Eggs From Straight Penguin Couple."
[LAUGHTER]
[MUSIC PLAYING]
[LAUGHTER]
I want to be mad at them, but look how cute they are.
They're in their little tuxedos--
[LAUGHTER]
--walking away holding their little fins.
They're fins?
They're fins.
What are they called?
Flaps.
They're called flaps, Andy?
[LAUGHTER]
He corrects me right away.
No.
No, they're called flaps.
[LAUGHS]
[LAUGHTER]
I think they're fins.
That's how they swim.
We'll find out.
Somebody look it up.
Not you.
Don't anybody-- I don't want you distracted.
[LAUGHTER]
Here's some more animal drama.
There's something else I saw this morning--
"Escaped Guinea Pig Mates with 100 Females."
[LAUGHTER]
At least that what he tells his buddies.
It's probably more like 10.
[LAUGHTER]
Yeah.
It was someone's pet and it escaped.
And his name is Randy.
And he is--
[LAUGHTER]
And--
[LAUGHTER]
--not just a land animal.
Sea mammals are also freaks in the street, literally.
Look at this, "Traffic Jam in Florida Caused By
Manatee Orgy."
[LAUGHTER]
Imagine telling your boss that's why you're late.
I'm so sorry.
I know, I'm so sorry.
There was a manatee orgy.
[LAUGHTER]
I couldn't get by.
[LAUGHS]
They're called flippers.
They're flippers.
They're called flippers.
Yeah.
You said, flappers.
Yeah.
You were close.
Yes.
All right.
Flappers are women who--
[LAUGHS]
[LAUGHTER]
Yeah.
I think.
Yes, exactly, sir.
Yes, he knows what it is.
I saw him doing it.
Well, it looks like we're out of time.
[LAUGHTER]
I wanted to get to the blind bisexual goose, but too bad.