welcome to the man of recaps this is the lord of the rings original trilogy
it begins with the fellowship of the ring at the shire a beautiful place and home of the hobbits
there are peaceful folk who love food and not going on adventures except bilbo baggins who went
on a grand adventure in the hobbit with his wizard friend gandalf the gray it's bilbo's birthday and
during his speech he pulls a prank and disappears yes during his adventure he found a magic ring
that turns him invisible but there's something weird with the ring it's very hard to give up but
he manages to do it and goes off to retire and so the ring passes to his nephew frodo but now
get off suspicious so he throws the ring in the fire which reveals the secret engraving and it's
very bad news one ring to rule them all and in the darkness bind them yeah way back in the day they
made a bunch of rings of power we'll learn more about those theoretically in the upcoming amazon
series but the dark lord sauron forged in secret a master ring to rule them all and like almost
conquered the world with it but the human king got a lucky shot and cut the ring off his finger
and because he poured his life force into it that killed him but sauron can't truly die until the
ring is destroyed and he had this chance to do it but the ring corrupts anyone who has it so he
decided to keep it for himself but after that the ring was lost for a thousand years until by chance
the creature gollum picked it up more on him later and there in gollum's cave is where during
the hobbit bilbo baggins picked it up not knowing how important it was so now sauron's woken up and
is hunting for the ring they gotta get it out of here but gandalf can't take it he's too strong it
would corrupt him immediately it has to be frodo baggins a nice incorruptible hobbit to carry it
and he gets a partner because his best friend slash gardener samwise gamji was eavesdropping
and heard the whole thing so as gandalf rides off to do important wizard business frodo and sam
set off on an adventure turns out adventures are mostly just walking like a comically large
amount of walking pretty soon they're joined by two more hobbits the goofsters mary and pippen
but this adventure's not all fun and games they're being hunted by the mysterious black
riders they get to the prancing pony where they're supposed to beat gandalf but gandalf isn't here
but there is someone here watching them looking super cool sitting in the corner the mysterious
ranger strider that night freddo accidentally puts the ring on which makes him invisible
except to sauron and now the black riders know where he is strider grabs him but turns out he's
a good guy and he explains the black riders are the nazgul the nine men who had their own rings of
power but are now bound to sauron's will as ring rates that night when they come to kill the hobbit
strider fools them with the old pillow trick and now he's going to lead our group on the next phase
of walking but hobbits aren't used to this much walking they already stopped for one breakfast yes
but what about second breakfast soon the nask will find him and give frodo a nasty stab but strider
busts in there goes into beast mode and scares him off frodo's in bad shape now but someone comes to
rescue him it's the elf arwyn who is incidentally strider's girlfriend she rides frodo out of there
and crosses the river just ahead of the nazgul if you want him come and claim him but boom
she unleashes the river power and washes the nas ghoul away they're out of commission for a bit so
frodo's healed he wakes up in a nice comfy bed where gandalf's here nice of you to join us he
went to see his wizard boss sorum on the white but turns out saruman's turned evil we must join with
sauron they have a wizard's battle but soroman wins and traps again off on the top of his tower
but eventually gandalf found a moth cellphone and called an uber from the eagles and flew on out of
there so they made it to rivendell home of the elves but lord elrond has bad news sauron's too
strong the ring cannot stay here so they hold a big council to decide what to do with it the human
boromir of gondor is like yo this is awesome let's use it to against sauron but you can't do that the
ring super evil the ring answers to sauron alone it's like wait bro who even are you and strider's
elf friend legloss drops the truth bomb his real name is aragorn and he's the long-lost descendant
of the ancient line of kings heir to the throne of gondor now it's like look the ring must be
destroyed so the dwarf gimli is like what are we waiting for blam nope it's not going to be that
easy the ring was forged in mount doom only there can it be unmade it must be taken deep into mordor
and cast back into the fires from once it came but that's a tall order one does not simply walk
into mordor everyone's arguing about who should carry it and frodo baggins realizes his adventure
is just getting started he volunteers airbornes like you have my sword legolas and my bow gimli
and my axe and boromir's coming too although he also fights with the sword so he can't really
say that again and samwise gamgee's sticking around too as well as mary and pippin who are
questionably useful and now the fellowship of the ring has assembled they set off for a lot more
walking but not just normal walking super epic walking yes when the music swells you know this
shot oh so good gimlin is a shortcut through the dwarven mines of moria but when they get
inside they realize this is no mine it is a tomb because all the dwarves have been killed pretty
soon gandalf gets lost i have no memory of this place and there they realize someone's following
them it's gollum but more on him later then as they're reading about what happened here pippin
knocks this thing into the well which makes the loudest noise ever and now the orcs know they're
here so it's time for an epic fight scene yeah yeah and it's not just orcs they have a cave
troll pretty soon they're surrounded but wait what's this coming that scares all the orcs off
the dwarves dealt too greedily and too deep they awoke a demon of the ancient world the balrog as
they flee across this unreasonably narrow bridge gandalf stops to 1v1 this thing you shall not pass
and indeed boom the bridge crumbles under the balrog and he falls down
but with his fire whip oh gets gandalf's foot fly you fools and gandalf falls into the abyss
but the adventure goes on next up is a woods where a bunch of elves live led by the shiniest elf yet
lady galadriel long story short she gives frodo a jug of shiny water then lends the fellowship some
canoes so they get to take a break from walking for a while and just cruise but when frodo goes
to stretch his legs he runs into boromir and the ring's gotten to him oh he tries to take
it rudolph manages to escape but then he runs into aragorn it's like frodo i swore to protect you can
you protect me from yourself and so they realize the fellowship's not gonna work frodo has to go
on his own but meanwhile saruman's been busy building an army worthy of border and he's not
just using normal little orcs he's crossbred these big ass buff forks whom do you serve sorum on
they catch up with our fellowship and it's time for another epic orc fight mary and pippen are
in some trouble but boromir comes to the rescue to redeem himself from betraying frodo bosswork
with the bow and arrow hits boromir but he's such a badass he gets up and keeps on fighting yeah
after two more arrows though he's finally done so mary and pippen are captured and sean bean
does what sean bean does best gets an epic death scene meanwhile frodo's going to mordor alone
but sam's not letting that happen of course you are and i'm coming with you these two hug it out
it's an epic bromance next up is the two towers named for saramon's tower of isengard
and sauron's tower itself down in mordor frodo and sam continue walking but pretty soon they realize
they don't know where they're going luckily someone who doesn't know the way is sneaking in
it's gollum he's fully obsessed with the ring he calls it his precious and he's here to get it back
from the hobbits is who stole it but the hobbits just get the jump on him and he promises to be
nice so it's like look you're gonna lead us to mordor but at the black gate they realize boromir
was right one does not simply walk into mordor but gollum knows a secret entrance now gollum wasn't
always this disgusting he used to be a kind of normal guy named smeagle and he's got sort of a
split personality thing going the nice smeagol and evil gollum and for a while smeagle wins out he's
having a good time with the hobbits learning about potatoes as for aragorn and friends the fellowship
may be broken but they can still save mary and pippin so they're not walking they're running
when the orcs stop for dinner they're sad because they have no meat but they kill one of their own
looks like meat's back on the menu boys in the cast the hobbits try to escape but what's this
now a bunch of horsemen riding in they are the riders of rohan and bad news they're banished
because the king is currently possessed by sauron but good news they killed all the orcs but more
bad news they probably killed the hobbits too but aragorn master tracker realizes the hobbits
survived and made their way to fangorn forest but inside they're ambushed by the white wizard
oh no it's saruman but wait that's not sauromon it's gandal turns out he and the balrog had an
epic fight until finally gandalf won and smote his ruin upon the mount inside gandalf did die though
but long story short he's not fully human and was immediately reincarnated not as gandalf the grey
but as gandalf the white as for marion pippin they make friends with treebeard the ant and they call
the ant moot to decide if the ants will join the war but it takes them the whole movie because ants
talk really slow so our gang rides to rohan where the super old king is clearly possessed gandalf
tries to break the spell but it's like you have no power here gandalf the grey but it's like yo bro
i'm gandalf the white now and he kicked saruman out of there so now the king is deposed he's ready
to join the fight they make for the fortress of helm's deep but gendel fights off on important
wizard business i'll be back on dawn on the fifth day king theoden has a niece eowyn a shield maiden
of rohan who has a meat cute with aragorn she tries to win his heart by cooking him stew
but she's much better at fighting than cooking and anyway aragorn's taken by his elf girlfriend
arwen they had a romantic moonlight bridge scene and the whole thing is that she's an
elf so she's immortal but she's raring to give that up to be with him i choose a mortal life
she's not really in this story she's just chilling at rivendell but the long distance isn't a problem
when you can meet up for sexy elf dreams but now they're attacked by war grinders and it's another
epic action scene but at the end airborne gets caught and takes a tumble off the cliff
turns out he's fine though he landed in soft water and is rescued by his loyal horse so he makes it
to helm deep with the best sexiest door opening ever filmed meanwhile frodo and sam are picked up
by some men and turns out this is faramir brother of boromir he also plans to take the ring to
gondor but on the way they're ambushed by nazgul who have upgraded from horses into dragon things
and in the end faramir is a real stand-up guy he's able to resist the ring's influence and lets them
go but now saruman's been busy building an even bigger army and so it begins the battle of helm's
deep gimli and legloss have a fun competition to see who can kill the most orcs but it's not even
close legolas can use his elf powers to slide down the staircase on a shield shoenorks as he goes
he is a beast but now sauromon has just invented gunpowder so he sends in the torch runner and
boom blows up the wall so it's the last stand epic charge for death and glory but wait what time is
it it's dawn of the fifth day and gandalf's back he brought reinforcements the writers of rohan and
so it's an epic cavalry charge and the battle is won and as for the kill count competition
gimli claims to have conveniently one more than legolas which i don't buy for a second as for the
ants they decide to join the fight when they see sauromon's been chopping down all their trees so
the ants attack eyes and guard flood the dam and win the day so that's one tower down but sauron
himself is an even bigger threat and now in return of the king sauron has entered the chat unleashes
the full might of his armies to the human capital of gondor and the white city of minas
tirith gandolf gets another chilly reception from denethor boromir's father and steward of gondor
remember the line of kings died out years ago it's like yo man you gotta fight against soron but den
thor is like ha i did my research sauron's a hoax he's an awful father too when vermeer comes back
it's like i wish you died instead of boromir so to make his daddy proud fermier goes on a suicide
charge to take back the city that's overrun with orcs so as denthor eats lunch and pippen sings a
hauntingly beautiful song he crunches a tomato super weird to represent he sent all those men
to their deaths so gandalf goes behind his back has pippen like the signal fire and it's the epic
lighting of the beacon sequence so back at rohan aragorn gets to do what he does best and bust into
the room dramatically condor calls for aid and rohan will answer muster the rhohirum but they
only muster 6000 spears less than half of what i hoped for but now who's here to help it's lord l
oh thanks man did you bring an elf army oh no sorry but i do have a lead on where you
can find an army because in this mountain lives a ghost army that swore their allegiance to the
king of gondor and to help prove that you're the true king i've brought you an epic magic sword
yes the sword that was broken that cut off the ring it's just been sitting in ribbondale this
whole time the least we could do was repair it for you so airborne friends go to talk to some ghosts
it's like we do not suffer the living to pass you will suffer me i am a sildor's heir fight
for me and i'll hold your oath fulfilled as a prank i guess the ghosts drop an avalanche of
skulls on them but then it's like yeah bro we're in now back to frodo and sam who have mostly just
been doing a lot of walking but they finally find gollum secret stairs so now they trade out walking
for climbing now frodo is pretty resistant to the ring but after all this time it's starting to wear
him down so when sam's like hey man you want me to carry it for a while frodo doesn't like that
you're trying to bore me or me bro you gotta go home so gollum leads frodo to the dark
scary tunnel but once inside he ditches him yeah gollum betrayed him after all frodo remembers he's
got a bottle of shiny elf water so now he can see what's in here and it is sheelop the giant spider
in the end she gets him with her stinger oh things look bleak but here to rescue him is sam
who followed him here let him go you filth now sam is way outclassed in this fight but he gets a
lucky shot and scares shiela but now it looks like frodo's dead don't go where i can't follow but
turns out that poison just paralyzes him frodo's still alive and now the full armies of mordor
have made it to minas tierreth denethor gives an uninspiring speech flee flee for your lives so
gandalf finally smacks this guy and takes charge of the defenses it's another big siege battle that
lasts like two hours eventually they bring up a massive battering ram so cool it has its own name
grand and yeah long story short the the city's in trouble earlier by the way pharamir miraculously
made it back and now denethor is ready to do a double funeral pyre even though pharamir is
actually still alive pippin's gotta jump in there to save him and a flaming denethor yeets himself
off the balcony so things look bleak but wait what's this the writers of rohan have arrived just
in time again theoden king gives an epic battle speech right now for ruin and the world's ending
and as the rohan music swells everyone's on their feet cheering yes so epic but sauron's got his own
surprise cavalry enforcements in the form of holy fonts which are basically giant elephants and to
make things worse a nazgul gets king there and eowyn jumps in to save him and he takes
that thing's head off but this is not just any nas ghoul it's the leader of the nazgul the witch king
fool no man can kill me but mary the hobbit can stab him in the ankles and ao wins like boom
i am no man oh stabbed in the face now aragorn and friends finally arrive with the ghost army and
it's basically just cleanup at this point legolas pulls his best stunt yet and single-handedly takes
out this olefont slides down its trunk that still only counts as one and this invincible
ghost army is super helpful but their contract was just for one battle but it's not over yet
this was but a taste of sauron's forces it all comes down to frodo in the ring
sam did rescue frodo so the mission's still on and now they're closer to mount doom than ever but an
army of orcs is in the way so aragorn hatch is a crazy plan to march on the black gate itself
draw out sauron's armies and buy clear passage for frodo and sam aragorn gives his own epic battle
speech the day may come when the strength of men fails but it is not this day never thought i'd die
fighting side by side with an elf what about side by side with a friend aye i could do that so while
everyone out there is having an epic battle the real fate of middle earth is in the hands of two
walking hobbits and this is their hardest walking yet the ring gets heavier the closer they get
and finally frodo's pooped but sam's not done yet maybe i can't carry it for you but i can carry you
oh samwisegamgee mvp so they finally made it to mount doom all frodo has to do is let go but the
ring is not gonna let that happen it finally overwhelms frodo the ring is mine and oh frodo
puts it on but stills thinking about is gollum and now he's ready to take back his precious
jumps on there and bites frodo's finger off yes gollum finally has his precious back but frodo's
ready to fight for it so these two grappling and oh off the cliff so in the end it is
gollum who accidentally saves middle-earth as he terminator twos down into the lava frodo managed
to hang on and sam's right there don't you let go and as the ring is destroyed sauron realizes maybe
he shouldn't have tied his life force to a piece of jewelry because his whole tower crumples and
blam sauron all the way defeated and everything in mordor was connected to wi-fi of the rings
so it all comes crashing down now gandalf rides in to pick up the hobbits with eagle uber and
before you ask no they couldn't have just flown the ring to mordor in the first place and so the
day is saved aragorn's officially crowned king and marries his hot elven girlfriend he goes to
see the hobbits my friends you bow to no one and the whole kingdom kneels to our unlikely heroes
and thus begins a half hour of fake out endings cause it looks like it could be this but actually
we get to go home to the shire first but we're not done yet sam gets married and frodo writes
a book finally the last of the elves are leaving middle-earth for their heaven-type place across
the sea and bilbo baggins is coming with him but wait a second frodo's going with them too
yeah he was too scarred by this adventure he can't go back to a normal life and so
frodo baggins set sail for america and that's where the lord of the oh wait actually we get
to see sam had some kids first and that's where the lord of the rings trilogy comes to an end
if you like this recap hit that subscribe button for more of the best recaps of tv and movies