Becoming an adult means having it all together.
But that’s now how I feel when I think about my student loans.
Oh cool only 25 years more to go.
And I still like playing with toys...
OH MY GOSH BB8 IS SOOOO CUTE!
And sometimes I feel like a mess.
I’M A GROWN ASS MAN…WHY DO I HAVE A ZIT?!?!
Adulthood isn’t about all that - it’s really about your brain, the culture you live
in, and how you function.
Neurologically speaking, your brain doesn’t finish developing until your mid 20s.
That’s when the prefrontal cortex, the part of your brain that plans and controls emotions,
is good to go.
Every culture defines adulthood differently, but a new category of development has come
up across the world in industrialized nations — emerging adulthood.
It’s a period from 18 - 30 where the goal is to figure out who you want to become.
Things are unstable — people move around, have different jobs, and don’t commit to
any one thing.
Why is there a new stage of emerging adulthood?
People spend more time in school and are getting married and having kids later — or not at
all.
Some scientists don’t think emerging adulthood is a thing and if is it’s hard to know if
we’ll still be talking about it in the future.
I mean…this is what we thought 2015 would look like back in the 80s [BACK TO THE FUTURE
PART 2] so yeah, in 2045 maybe we’ll have a completely different understanding of being
an adult.
The standards of previous generations don’t work anymore.
30 is the new 20.
This gets me to last part of becoming an adult - function.
You have to be able to do certain things on your own in order to become an adult.
These are called developmental milestones.
Adult developmental milestones can include:
Staying healthy.
Controlling your emotions.
Defining your identity.
Developing relationships.
Finishing your education.
Holding a job.
Becoming financially independent.
That’s a lot of stuff.
It’s intimidating, especially when everyone seems to have all their shit together.
But no emerging adult has it ALL together.
It took me 11 years to finish my education.
I was totally dependent on my parents and student loans.
I got pretty good at living on my own and connecting with others, but I knew nothing
about finances and wondered if I should become a psychologist.
I spent a few years dabbling with photography…which now that I think about it helped me make this
show.
The experience is different for everyone.
Some have to start working at a young age.
Others have the luxury of going to school for a long time.
But becoming an adult is like a video game — eventually your character is going to
beat the level but everyone gets to the end their own way.
The maturity of becoming an adult is understanding your strengths and weaknesses, practicing
the things you struggle with, and getting help when you need it.
Choose a goal that’s just beyond what you can do on your own.
Find a mentor.
That’s what psychologist Lev Vygotsky called the zone of proximal development: people learn
best when they experience a challenge and get support.
Parents — your job is to help this process along, and as your child begins to function
more like an adult, back off!
Otherwise, your young adult might be stuck in a state of arrested development.
What are your thoughts on becoming an adult?
Let me know in the comments below.
I’m @alimattu on Twitter.
Be sure to like THE PSYCH SHOW on Facebook and click on BB8 to subscribe on YouTube.