>> Stephen: HEY, EVERYBODY!
WELCOME BACK.
LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, AND NOW, THE DRAMATIC CONCLUSION
OF JOSH BROLIN'S "COLBERT QUESTIONERT."
♪♪ WHAT DO YOU THINK HAPPENS WHEN
WE DIE, JOSH BROLIN?
>> OH, IS THAT ONE OF THE QUESTIONS?
>> Stephen: YEAH, I WASN'T JUST TRYING TO PSYCH YOU OUT!
( LAUGHTER ) >> WELL, I THOUGHT YOU WERE.
( SHOUTING ) >> GOONIES NEVER SAY DIE!
THAT WAS THE ANSWER!
>> Stephen: GOONIES NEVER SAY DIE.
I'VE NEVER SEEN GOONIES.
>> EVER?
>> Stephen: I'M A LITTLE TOO OLD.
>> YOU'RE THE ONE?
>> Stephen: I'M JUST A LITTLE TOO OLD.
>> THERE'S NEVER TOO OLD FOR GOONIES.
THERE'S GENERATION AFTER GENERATION --
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) THAT'S SO SAD!
>> Stephen: I'M GOING TO WATCH IT AND CALL YOU UP AFTER I WATCH
IT.
>> YOU HAVE TO, LITERALLY.
>> Stephen: DO YOU PLAY THE GOONEY?
I'LL GIVE YOU A -- >> I'LL GIVE YOU A NUMBER.
NOT MINE, BUT I'LL GIVE YOU SOMEBODY'S.
>> Stephen: FIVE.
I'VE NEVER SEEN GOONIES.
>> Stephen: NEVER SEEN GOONIES OR "SHAWSHANK."
>> JAWS?
I'VE SEEN JAWS.
>> WELL, "SHAWSHANK" IS ONE OF THOSE THINGS.
YOU CAN'T SAY, I'VE SEEN JAWS, IS GOONIES GOOD?
>> Stephen: HAVE YOU EVER SEEN ANY OF THE FAST AND THE FURIOUS?
>> WHY?
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) >> Stephen: I'M JUST SAYING
THERE WAS ONLY ONE GOONIES, THERE'S GOING TO BE TEN FAST AND
FURIOUS-S.
>> WHATEVER.
>> Stephen: WHY AREN'T YOU IN THE FAST OR FURIOUS.
>> BECAUSE I'M DOING THAT WESTERN THANG INSTEAD!
NEXT QUESTION.
>> Stephen: YEAH.
I THINK YOU'RE BEING MEAN TO ME.
>> I'M NOT.
YOU SAY THAT EVERY TIME I COME ON HERE.
>> Stephen: EVERY TIME YOU'RE ON I THINK YOU'RE MEAN TO ME.
>> BECAUSE I BEAT YOU ARM WRESTLING AND YOU'RE --
>> Stephen: I TOLD YOU I DIDN'T WANT TO ARM WRESTLE YOU.
I TOLD YOU I NEEDED TO HIT THE PREACHER CURL MACHINE.
>> JUST DO IT.
GO.
OH, MY GOD ( BLEEP ).
NO, DO IT, GO, GO, GO!
AAAHHH!
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) >> Stephen: TAKE THAT OUT.
TAKE THAT OUT.
EDIT THAT OUT.
I WILL NOT TAKE YOUR PITY.
>> THIS IS WHEN ACTING IS LIFE.
( LAUGHTER ) >> Stephen: FAVORITE ACTION
MOVIE.
>> OH, GOD, YOU JUST SAID FAST AND FURIOUS.
LETHAL WEAPON.
>> Stephen: QUALITY.
QUALITY.
FIRST ONE.
>> Stephen: WINDOW OR AISLE?
OH, AISLE.
I WANT AN ESCAPE, EVEN THOUGH THERE'S NOWHERE TO GO.
>> Stephen: WELL, I WANT TO BE ABLE TO GO TO THE BATHROOM.
>> YEAH.
>> Stephen: FAVORITE SMELL.
FAVORITE SMELL?
UM -- ( LAUGHTER )
>> Stephen: THIS IS YOURS, BY THE WAY.
>> I FEEL DIRTY WHEN I TALK TO YOU.
IN ALL SERIOUSNESS, CHILDREN'S SCALPS.
>> Stephen: THERE'S A POINT WHERE THEY LOSE IT, ONE TO
THREE.
>> THAT'S THE THING, I HAVE A ONE-YEAR-OLD AND A
THREE-YEAR-OLD NOW SO I'M CON FUMEDLY THAT.
>> Stephen: LEAST FAVORITE SMELL?
>> UM -- PRRRR -- I DON'T LIKE NOT KNOWING WHO IT'S COMING
FROM.
I WANT TO KNOW THE PERSON AND GIVE THEM A LOOK.
DUDE -- EVEN IF IT'S A GIRL YOU SAY, DUDE.
>> Stephen: THAT'S NOT GENTLEMANLY.
>> NO, GIRLS DON'T DO THAT.
>> Stephen: THEY GLOW.
( LAUGHTER ) >> Stephen: MOST USED APP ON
YOUR PHONE.
>> PROBABLY INSTAGRAM.
I DON'T LIKE SAYING THAT BUT IT'S TRUE.
>> Stephen: FINE.
NO SHAME THERE.
>> WELL, A LITTLE BIT.
>> Stephen: CATS OR DOGS?
UM, I LIKE THEM BOTH, BUT PROBABLY DOGS.
>> Stephen: OKAY.
YOU ONLY GET ONE SONG TO LISTEN TO FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE?
WHAT IS IT?
>> DESTROYER BY KISS.
( LAUGHTER ) LED ZEPPLIN.
>> Stephen: WHICH ONE?
THERE ARE SO MANY.
>> I KNOW THERE'S A LOT.
STAIRWAY TO ELEVEN HEAVEN IS GREAT BUT IT'S OVERPLAYED RIGHT
NOW.
FREE BIRD.
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) >> Stephen: LIVE.
LIVE.
FREE BIRD.
>> Stephen: WHAT NUMBER AM I THINKING OF.
>> IT'S LONG, TOO.
12 MINUTES.
ANYWAY, SORRY.
>> Stephen: WHAT NUMBER AM I THINKING OF?
>> OF ALL THE NUMBERS?
( LAUGHTER ) >> Stephen: HOW ABOUT THIS --
IT'S AN INTEGER.
>> IT'S A WHOLE NUMBER.
NO -- THANK YOU FOR DEFINING INTEGER.
>> Stephen: WELL, I'M NOT GOING FRACTIONS.
I'M NOT TRYING TO ( BLEEP ) YU OVER HERE.
IT'S NOT PI, HOW ABOUT THAT?
>> 39.
>> Stephen: WHAT?
39.
>> Stephen: NO.
WHAT NUMBER WERE YOU THINKING OF?
>> Stephen: NO WAY AM I GOING TO TELL YOU.
( LAUGHTER ) DESCRIBE THE REST OF YOUR LIFE
IN FIVE WORDS.
>> IN FIVE WORDS?
AM OUT OF HERE NOW.
( LAUGHTER ) ( APPLAUSE )
>> Stephen: JOSH BROLIN, CONGRATULATIONS, YOU ARE KNOWN!
JOSH BROLIN EVERYBODY!
OUT OF RANGE ON AMAZON NOW!
WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK!